A journalling experiment

Self Esteem?

2012-01-24T18:01:00.001-05:00

Today was not the day to call me “sir.”

I went to the mall and bought a card today, and as I approached the checkout counter, the young woman said, “hello, sir. I can serve you at the next cash register.” She walked around behind me to take her place behind the counter. I moved to the other register and asked her if she had called me “sir.” She answered that she had, and then I waited for her to recognize her mistake. I paid for the card and she said, “have a great day.” I couldn’t resist. I said, “well, it would go better if I weren’t called ‘sir’” and then I walked away. I turned back once to see her looking at me quizzically. I would have thought the purse and longish hair would have been a giveaway. I guess not.

I haven’t actually been called “sir” in quite a while, but that’s probably because I haven’t been in public much for the past several years. I’ve grown my hair longer than I used to have it, and yet it seems to make no difference to some people. I have even been mistaken for a man while wearing a skirt. With that one, I looked down at my skirt, looked back at the woman, and I asked, “seriously?” She didn’t blink an eye but said, “can I help you, ma’am?” Most people realize their mistake right away and apologize. They just weren’t paying attention when they greeted me, and out of the corner of their eye, my height made them assume I was a man. Those mistakes are OK, although they still irk me somewhat. But today’s young woman just didn’t have a clue.

I have often pondered and questioned others as to what makes people mistake me for a man. I have gotten no definitive answers. Yes, I am tall – actually, I’m slightly taller than the average North American man. Yes, my “curves” are subtle – well, pretty much non-existent. Can I help that? Even when I weight 200 lbs, I didn’t have much in the way of curves. I just became a thicker stick. There have been times I was wearing a fuchsia jacket, and someone still mistook me for a man! Wow! REALLY not paying attention.

Today, even before I went to the store, I was feeling down. The weather didn’t help. I’ve been thinking about some stuff, and second guessing some of my decisions. Some things in my life are hanging, stuck in neutral, and I don’t have any clear direction as to how to proceed. And then I think about some of the things I have done and wonder if that is why I am in the neutral position now. So my “self” esteem was low. And then someone thinks I’m a man. Bottomed out.

Thankfully, it doesn’t matter what I think of myself. For a long time, I have not really been concerned about what others think of me. This started way back in public school. Families gossipped about my family, and the kids relayed it all back to me in taunting form. They said things about my character and how I would turn out in life based on the actions of my mother, and the gossip exaggeration of my mother’s actions. Well, I knew who I was, and that I was not my mother, and I was equally as disturbed by what she had done – in fact, they had no idea of the majority of what she had done. So, I learned early that they had no clue, so it didn’t matter a whit what they thought of me or said about me. I knew who I was, and how I had been taught, and what I didn’t want to become.

What truly matters in my life is what God thinks of me. He has told me I am a sinner, and I deserve to be punished for my sin – of thought, word, and deed; what I have done, and what I have left undone. I deserve death for my sin because He cannot tolerate it. AND, He has told me that I am precious to Him. I am the apple of His eye. I am carved in the palms of His hands. He sent His own perfect, sinless Son to die for me so He and I could spend eternity together. He’s building me a house there, and it will be my forever home.

While I’m here on earth, with sin around me and through me, life will be a struggle. I will second-guess my decisions. I will do the wrong thing. I will hurt people. I will feel bad about myself, and sometimes, people will mistake me for a man. But none of that matters in the long run. It only matters that God loves me more than anyone else will ever love me, and has provided a way out of my mistakes.

Until next time, remember what God really thinks of you…

Health, Pets, and Serving

2012-01-23T13:42:00.002-05:00

It’s coming up to eight weeks since the birds left our house. And I must say, I am thrilled with the improvement to my health. My energy levels have been so much better, even though I now need to rebuild muscle that has wasted during my inactive 18 or so months. But, even at that, I can work at something, be tired, and the next morning, have recovered my energy levels. It is wonderful!

I was having breathing problems and constant sinus problems too. Both of those are gone. I had a cold just after Christmas that lasted quite a while, but now that it is gone, the sinuses are in great shape again. I’ve been testing my breathing each Sunday with my singing at church. Yesterday was the best my voice and breathing have been in a very long time. Yipee! I had planned to rejoin choir early in February, and I think that’s a reasonable target. I’d like to be able to sing for Easter – my favourite Christian celebration.

My target health now is for the LWMLC convention in Kelowna, BC in early July. The drive will be just over 4,000 kms (just over 2,500 mi), and considering we will be going through the mountains, drive time will likely be 6 days. That’s going to be tough, I think. However, if I am in much better physical condition, I think I can do it. We will be driving to Florida in early March – two days each way – so that will be a good indication of how far I have to go. I intend to start walking in my neighbourhood again as a means to building up some muscle. In cleaning up my office the other day, I found some light weights, so once I’ve established a good walking routine, I will start using those weights for better upper body strength too. I don’t want to overdo things, but I REALLY want to go to this convention!

One thing the improved health has meant is a greater ability to serve again. For so long, I have just done a bare minimum. Basically, I was writing for the Tapestry quarterly magazine, and praying. Last week, I finally was able to attend the women’s meeting for the first time since September, 2010. I was so happy! Our new pastor is urging us to be praying people. So, I asked him if he would treat me as his personal prayer assistant. I had done that with our vicar, even after he became a pastor. Our pastor gave me an enthusiastic “yes!” which pleased me. I also contacted the vicar turned pastor (PK) and he was happy also to have me restart my prayer visits with him. Yay! I am so happy to be able to serve again in these ways. I also want to attend the Tuesday morning Bible Studies. And there is certainly more I could be doing for the LWMLC committee on which I serve. I have not liked going back on my “promises” to serve in specific ways. And now, God has given me good enough health again to be able to pick up some of those tasks. He knows my heart and how much it has pained me to not serve.

The woman who took the birds has only talked to me once since the end of November. I have spoken to her sister in mid-December and she gave me an update on how the birds were doing. I would like to be able to visit them once, at least, but not sure if bird woman only said I could to be polite. I have mourned their loss from my life, so if I don’t get to visit, that’s OK too. That giving them away has so dramatically improved my health has helped assuage my grief at losing them. I’m not sure if Cookie misses them or not. I don’t really think so. He used to leave my office when Jazzy would scream, and now he will lie on the floor for long hours, purring loudly. This tells me maybe he doesn’t miss them. I’ve changed the furniture in my office, which I think has bothered him more than the birds leaving. Oh well. I have given him lots of attention in the hopes he wouldn’t miss them too much.

I am slowing reoganizing my life, sorting through old stacks of “stuff” all around the house, but mostly in my office. I’m working on some mental and emotional clutter too – that will take longer, I think. But being able to return to at least one more normal activity in my life – serving His Kingdom – has done much to help my disposition, returning me to a better level of thankfulness, for one thing.

Until next time, serve the Lord with gladness…

Loving Families

2012-01-20T11:53:00.001-05:00

There are two families in our church who, I think, are loving above and beyond the average. Actually, they love like some people in my early life have loved me.

There is a couple, J & M, I have gotten to know pretty well. J’s bday is the day after mine, with me being 11 years older. AND, J & M’s anniversary is also on May 4, and they were married 11 years after we were. So, there was an immediate connection when we discovered this. For J, this is her first marriage, and M’s second and he has a son, JJ, from his first marriage. As a substitute teen Bible class teacher, I had several occasions to teach JJ. At that time, he was a troubled but bright kid. He acted up somewhat, but whenever I taught, I tried to provide an atmosphere where he felt safe and didn’t need to act out.

JJ had been living with his mother who had her own issues, and wasn’t really watching her 14-year-old. So, J & M took him to live with them, which was the best thing they could have done. His grades and behaviour improved under their loving and disciplined care. In the past 4 years, he has turned into quite a responsible and nice young man with career aspirations and a dedication to hard work. But their love did not end there. After all, this was still M’s son. JJ had a friend MM. MM had a very bad family situation, and was on the verge of getting into some serious trouble. J & M felt all he needed was a stable home, to know he was loved, and that he was worth something. After 6 short months, his grades improved dramatically, and he was no longer running with the same crowd that almost got him into trouble. M told me their greatest joy was to hear JJ and MM in the rec room laughing and joking with one another. Just before Christmas, MM won a scholastic award at school for Math!

There is a young man who sits in front of me in church. He and his wife used to come with their two young children. Then after a while, only the young man came with the children. He loves those children, and they are very well behaved. He makes sure during the course of the worship service that he holds one or the other on his lap and he hugs them tightly. It’s really nice to see. There is no competition between them because they each know they will get their turn.

Around Christmas time, I asked about his wife as I hadn’t seen her for a while. He said they were separated, and said she had a “medical situation” and added something like “and the children are safe now.” Hmm. Wow! I found that to express true love for his children; that the most important thing to him was that they were protected. Wonderful! And very courageous. And even with all this upheaval in their lives, the children are still well-behaved.

My mother left when I was 6, which was a good thing. We were not safe with her around. And dad stayed with us to raise us. It wasn’t long before he enlisted the help of his uncle and aunt, and they moved into the house with us to take care of us. Our great-aunt was an extremely loving woman, and after a while, we started to call her “mom” because, even though she was not a blood relative, she cared much more about us than our own mother.

The influence of these loving people in my life showed me the true nature of love. And I hope over the years, I have reflected that love to others. It just seemed to me to be a natural way to live. But the harshness of this world has “beaten it out of me” to a degree. I still love people the way I always have. But I’ve come up against such selfish and unloving people in my life, especially lately. These people have used my kindness for their own gain without thought of learning from my expressed love and reflecting it to others. It has worn me out. However, God is good. He knew I needed encouragement, and showed me these two loving families in my own church family. It moved me strongly to find out these things about these people. It reminded me too, that not everyone is selfish. Yes, my early situation was unique. And yet, it was a rich and fertile ground to grow the kind of loving behaviour that reflects the love of Jesus.

Until next time, love the way Christ loved…

Weird Winter

2012-01-19T14:58:00.000-05:00

I think it was January 12 the first time this winter I actually had to wear my boots. This is unprecedented! We have had the occasional day of snow but for the most part, it has been much warmer than usual. Two days ago, it was 9 C, however, today it is -3 and we’re getting a bit of a snowstorm. There’s about an inch of snow on the driveway by mid-afternoon, and it looks like there is more to come. Last week, we got heavy rain. Weird.

By this time in a typical winter, we would have had quite a bit of snow, starting any time after mid-November. At this time of year, we have our “January thaw” – that warm spell that gives us hope in the middle of seemingly unending -25/-30 temperatures. Not this year. It has been very different, although I am certainly not complaining about the warmer temperatures.

And it has been unusual in other parts of Canada too. Right now in the Prairies, they are getting bitterly cold weather – temperatures in the -35 to -55 range! An Arctic air mass has moved down to freeze this region. What we are told, however, is that it won’t last long before the temperatures are more reasonable again. Vancouver and Vancouver Island rarely get much snow. But apparently, they have received about as much snow as we have here. Strange.

I’m sure at present, those who live in Saskatchewan are not convinced the world is undergoing global warming. And given the change in weather all over the world, I think most informed people now understand it to be “climate change” rather than “global warming.” Some areas of the world are getting snow where they didn’t for many years – Britain comes to mind. Even at that, however, there is evidence this is just another go-round through a cycle that has happened before. Although Britain hasn’t had snow for a long time, apparently in the 1500s or so, it was quite usual to see snow.

It came to my attention shortly after we moved into this house almost 10 years ago that the typical Canadian winter can be brutal for new arrivals. Our neighbours moved right in the middle of January – and a particularly cold one at that. I asked how they survived, and she said it was very tough that first year. But they were glad, in hindsight, to have come at that time because it has not been so bitterly cold since, and they feel they can handle anything now that they’ve seen the worst.

A young Moroccan man I used to talk to told me of some of his friends who came to Canada in the summer and thought it was wonderful. One had moved to Edmonton, as he eventually did, and another to Calgary. A third moved to somewhere in British Columbia (BC). The one in Calgary got lost in a snowstorm his first winter and, not realizing the grave risk, died in that snowstorm. The one who moved to BC died in an avalanche. How sad! They came to Canada for a better life and yet somewhere along the way, no one told them the risk the cold presented. Or, if someone told them, they didn’t take it seriously. My friend still wanted to come to Canada, but he was well aware of the dangers of the cold. And he has done well.

I would like eventually to move to a warmer year-round climate. My joints don’t appreciate this cold weather any more. I know there are risks in those climates too. I would not be at all impressed with very large spiders, and scorpions or the like don’t really thrill me either! We’ll see. For now, visiting my dad and step-mom while they winter in Florida seems like a good idea. Just 6 more weeks.

Until next time, take care of one another…

Birdie Saga

2011-12-09T16:59:00.001-05:00

On the last day of November, my pet cockatiels, Jazzy and Ella, went to their new home.

September, 2010, my health started to deteriorate. I was tired all the time, and I had many colds through the winter. I gave up choir last November because I didn’t have the breath any more, and I was too tired to go out in the evenings. I also gave up the LWML group meetings because of tiredness. At some point, I was unable to do the grocery shopping by myself because carrying the bags in from the car taxed my energy for a couple of days. I’d shop on the weekend so the hubby could carry the bags. I stopped my usual habit of a daily walk, again because it wore me out. I didn’t garden in 2010 or 2011 from lack of energy. By early this year, I was pretty much housebound, and just happy to make it to church regularly.

In February, I started going to another naturopath to see why I was so tired. He worked with my regular naturopath to help us figure out what was going on. He said I had a pretty heavy intestinal infection (that would explain the pain) and a fungal infection in my sinuses. I started on some supplements and immune boosters, changed my diet, and finally the infections cleared up. My energy levels never did recover the way he thought they should, and wondered if there was something else “weighing me down.”

Then in August of this year, I caught a cold that just didn’t seem to go away. It wasn’t very severe, but just kept nagging me. In discussing it with my regular naturopath she suggested I increase the immune boosters to help the body fight it off. It was later that day in bending down to tie my shoes that I felt the familiar sinus infection pain. In increasing the immune boosters, the infection went away, but the congestion and sneezing, etc., never did go away. I wondered one day if it could be an allergy to the birds. I looked it up on the internet and realized all my symptoms fit what is called “breeders lung.” I was in shock! I would have to get rid of the birds!

I had been feeling a bit overwhelmed for a while with the birds. I was always so tired, and cockatiels need outside entertainment, unlike other parrots who can entertain themselves. And, although I wasn’t neglecting them, I had not been paying them as much attention as when I got Jazzy. A year ago, Jazzy turned two and started screaming, as I have mentioned in other posts. Given my overly sensitive “music-industry” ears, his screams pierced through any attempts to ignore it, or get used to it. And when they got less than optimal attention, the screaming was more frequent. It just all made me sad and, even before I knew of the allergy, I wondered if I should, for their sakes, consider giving them up.

I phoned H from the pet store, knowing either she or K, the assistant manager, would know someone who could take the birds, and who would care for Ella in particular, given her health situation that had not completely resolved. H asked her sister and she said she was willing to look at them. The sisters came over that evening. H took Jazzy and he started blowing her kisses. He has always recognized her, even when we just mention her name. He only has “kisses” for her – other sounds for other people at the pet store, but only one particular sound for H. I held Ella for a bit, and then passed her to H sister. I liked how the birds reacted to her, and how she reacted to the birds. They stayed quite a while, and then the H sister said she would take them. We agreed to a price for the cage, playcentre and toys, a date to come and pick them up, and then they left.

And I cried for the week until they returned. It had all come about so quickly, it was shocking. Even though they (mostly Jazzy) had annoyed me with the screaming regularly, I just loved the little things and was heartbroken to let them go. I knew it was for the best for my health, and in my current condition, was not providing the ideal home for them.

The day the birds left, I held it together while the sisters were at our house, but after they left, I lost it again. I posted on Facebook that my birds had gone to their new home. I friended H sister and she has posted pictures and updated me. H sister had 5 other birds before taking my two, and several cats, one of which she renamed Cookie, because I told her Jazzy would call all her cats Cookie anyway.

Most people understood how for the sake of my health, I felt it necessary to give the birds away. But the tone I got from one of my friends, N, was a bit accusatory. She has been allergic to cats for the almost 30 years I have known her, and she still has cats. Her thought was – and I know others who hold the same view – once you get a pet, you’re morally responsible for keeping them, no matter what, until they die. To a point, I understand her reasoning. A pet is not just a designer lifestyle choice that you can change because it no longer suits you. But this was a matter of health. I just want to do the usual things of life again. Is it too much to ask to be able to go for a walk again, or even, dare I hope, to rejoin the choir? I reminded her that she was healthy in the first place – I am not. A “simple allergy” has a greater impact for me because of my compromised immune system.

Jazzy and Ella are bonding with their new flock – people and pets. The one bird H sister already had has bonded with both of them. Jazzy has bonded with H sister’s roommate, and Ella is bonding with H sister. I’m very happy to hear that. Even without people in the house, they have plenty of birds to entertain them and keep them happy. And, I am starting to notice a difference in my allergy symptoms. The “smoker’s cough” I was developing is starting to subside. The itchy numbness around my nose and mouth is diminishing. The nasal congestion is improving, although I still sneeze and blow my nose a lot. I think the eyes are going to take a while to clear. However, it’s progress, and I’m glad for it.

I miss the little things a lot. I miss the “hello’s” I heard so frequently through the day, or the "I'll be right back" when I got out of my chair. I miss playing with them and the routine of having them sit on me and preen first thing in the morning. I miss feeding them people food off my plate. I miss the singing and whistling, and the wing exercises. I miss Jazzy chattering away to my feet. I miss their unique personalities. I don’t know if Cookie misses them yet or not. He’s enjoying the extra attention I’m giving him, but every so often he’s somewhat grumpy too – so I’m sure he misses them somewhat. But, for me, especially after the heavy wheezing attack I had while dusting the day after they left, I know I did the best thing for them, and for me. I will get over my mourning, and it is made easier knowing they have an excellent home.

Until next time, enjoy your pets…

Migraines!

2011-12-08T11:42:00.001-05:00

I hate migraines! Before migraines became part of my life in my mid-twenties, I rarely had even headaches. I suffered a severe sunstroke when I was eight and after that for about 10 years, whenever I stayed in the sun too much, I would get a headache. As long as I wore a hat, I very rarely had headaches.

And then I got married and my true headache experience began! Teehee. It seems my system was leading up to having migraines anyway, but going on the pill tipped it over the edge. Going off the pill did not stop the migraines. In those days, there were times I had to go to the emergency room to get a shot of something to stop the vomiting. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen any more. But I still have nausea with a migraine and sometimes, I still throw up.

I’ve changed what I do when I get a migraine. I have recognized that it’s like my digestive system just shuts off when the pain comes, so I just don’t eat. If there is nothing in there, there’s nothing to throw back. Sometimes, the nausea is so extreme, I can’t even drink tea. However, usually, I drink lots of green tea until I feel like eating, and then eat as much as I dare until the head pain passes. My digestion is usually delicate for at least one day after that, and sometimes up to a week later. There are certain foods that seem to be hard for me to digest on a good day, so I avoid them until the digestion is completely happy again. It keeps me from regaining the weight I lost a couple of years ago with the parasite infection, but at least I don’t throw up. I hate that almost as much as migraines.

There are times when I awaken in an exhausted state. This means there will be a doozy of a migraine coming within an hour or so. Usually, I just sleep for hours until I’m able to stay awake. There is then no thought of food or drink during those times. These migraines, although not always, are often when I have eaten corn in some form and not known about it. I have had corn migraines that have lasted 10 days, but not sleeping the entire time. I’m usually begging the Lord to take me from this earth by the 5th or 7th day – selfish crybaby that I am.

Over the past four months, I have had a higher number of migraines than usual. I’ve become quite the detective with my health over the years. It has been necessary to determine what causes pain and migraines. It gets frustrating when it takes some time to figure out a health issue, including migraines. In February, I started going to a second naturopath to help with the extremely low energy. He changed many of my supplements, and they seemed to work for a time. But the migraines that started 4 months ago were caused by some of the herbs in first one supplement, and then a second. I stopped taking them, and replaced one but haven’t replaced the second. I’m not sure how that will affect my long-term health.

Most recently, I have discovered there are a number of organic meats that are causing migraines. About 7 years ago, I did extensive research to find a supplier of organic meat that didn’t cause reactions. One would think just eating organic meat would be enough, but no – I’m weird that way. At first, I thought it was corn-fed meat causing the problem, but that is not the case. The clue was that I could eat out – chicken or beef – at a restaurant with no ill-effects. Non-organically raised chicken is most definitely corn-fed because it’s the cheapest feed. Instead, I discovered it is soy-fed meat that causes trouble, as well as grass-fed beef.

So, the meat market where I bought all my meat is now a problem. They’ve switched their beef source to grass-fed, even though the owner promised me they wouldn’t. Now the only meat I can buy there is lamb because this lamb producer feeds them peas instead. I’m glad! I eat a LOT of meat! Vegetables, and legumes can cause me problems, but I can almost always eat meat. Especially when I’m “rebuilding” after a migraine, I will eat meat for lunch and dinner. I eat a lot of nuts too, but usually reserve that for breakfast with fruit.

Now I have to research and test all over again to find another “safe” source of a variety of meat. This means the migraines will likely continue for a while as I test new sources. I have been eating non-organic meat for about two weeks, and at first didn’t notice any difference. However, I’ve started just feeling a bit “unwell” and I have a constant pain in my lower abdomen for the past few days. Don’t know if it’s caused by this meat, but think it will only complicate matters to continue over the long haul. It would be nice because it is cheaper and easily available, and it doesn’t cause migraines!

Until next time, wait patiently upon the Lord…

Christ in Christmas

2011-12-06T18:30:00.001-05:00

Back a couple of months ago, the hubby found a Youtube video of an a cappella (no instruments) group that he found to have quite amazing skill. He discovered they were the winners of a reality-show competition called “The Sing-Off.” He found out they were just about to start Season 3, so checked if it was broadcast on any of our cable channels. He found the two-hour show at 8 pm on Monday evenings on a US station that we get. So, we’ve been watching it. Last night was the final episode.

It is a unique talent show, in my opinion. We do usually watch America’s Got Talent because it showcases more than just singing talent. I have watched very little of American Idol (although we did follow two seasons of Canadian Idol), or X Factor. I just have so much trouble listening to the off-key presentations so as to make it unwatchable for me.

The Sing-Off is different. These groups are often college choir groups, so their talent level is usually well-established. There are times when they have pitch problems, but the competition is so fierce, the groups rarely allow themselves to make such mistakes. The first episode had 16 groups competing and eventually by elimination, came to the final two. The hubby and I would guess which groups would be eliminated by the end of the show. I think I was more accurate than he – not sure why, but it was fun to guess.

One group that was the second last to be eliminated was one from Howard University, and their name was Afro Blue. Howard University is located in Washington, DC and started as an African-American university. I can’t find confirmation of this on the internet, but I’m pretty sure I remember hearing that the fictional university from the Cosby Show – Hillman – was patterned after Howard. It would make sense since Phylicia Rashad, the actress who played Claire Huxtable, and her choreographer/actress sister, Debbie Allen, director of the spinoff series A Different World, are both graduates of Howard. The group Afro Blue was comprised of 5 women and 5 men, all African-American except one woman.

Wow! Could they sing! They sang in the jazz style and were fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed every performance they gave. Each group were given a song they had to arrange into a 2-minute performance version with the available voices in their group. So, more than just singing and stage presence, these groups also had to have the ability to arrange music to suit their strengths. It was evident pretty early on which groups did not possess that skill. The hubby and I thought Afro Blue was by far the best in arranging.

However, the judges had problems with them in the early going. They kept saying the group was making things too sophisticated, and overthinking their arrangements. They said they were losing the audience. Not me! However, I guess these judges wanted “simple!” The group got lost for a while, not knowing how to please the judges and losing their identity. The judges then criticized them for that, which I thought was unfair. However, they pulled it together again and made it to the semi-final. I was disappointed to see them go. Their performances were so much fun, and just so effortless it was a real joy to watch them. With Afro Blue out of the running, I do think they chose the next best group for the recording contract and prize money.

The competition ended a week ago, so last night was a Christmas special. Now, they could have called it a “Holiday” special, or “Winter” special, but they called it a “Christmas” special. I was pretty sure I would be disappointed, but was hoping they would actually include “Christ” in their program. Jesus did not make an appearance, nor any homage to His birth. They had the usual winter songs that pass for Christmas songs these days – songs about Santa and the pagan fertility plant, mistletoe. And they had a couple of strange ones too. There was one I can’t remember now but thought it was a very odd choice for a Christmas show.

Another was Leonard Cohen’s song “Hallelujah.” I remember when it was first released and thought it really had nothing to do with “hallelujah” – “praise the Lord.” And in looking at the lyrics online, there is a disbelieving tone to it, and it’s really about romantic love gone wrong. What?!? What does that have to do with Jesus’ birth, or Christmas – even the secular way it is celebrated today? And yet, the judges and the performers were deeply moved by their presentation. I don’t get it. And it all made me very sad.

There is so much to celebrate this time of year – true love from a God Who has adopted us as His own. Such a fantastic gift given to us unworthy so we can live with Him forever. Wow! And yet, this makes society uncomfortable. Instead they turn this message into one about commercialism, winter, feeling good, and family. They even co-opted the Christian example of St. Nicholas and turned it into sap! As for me and my house…

Until next time, remember Who Christmas is really about…

Ella Update

2011-10-19T18:27:00.002-04:00

So it is almost a month since I posted about Ella, our new cockatiel. At that time, I related how sick she was and that we were giving her antibiotics to take care of the infection in her broken flight feathers. Well, do I have a better story to tell now!

It was September 16 when H told me how sick Ella was and the same day, I took her to the vet, who put her on a 10-day course of antibiotics. That was an interesting experience. They gave us tiny pills and two syringes that were larger in diameter than the diameter of the pills. We were to put a pill in one syringe, replace the plunger, draw up 1 ml of water, and let the pill dissolve – usually a 20 minute procedure. This pill would make 4 doses for the bird, and we were to give her these doses twice a day. Although I ordinarily don’t get them out of the cage until about 8 am, so I could have the hubby’s assistance, we had to give her the medication before he left for work, and immediately after he got home – at approximately 6 am and 6 pm.

You have to be careful feeding liquids to birds. Apparently, you can drown them very quickly by giving them too much at once. .25 ml works out to about three drops. Capturing her in a towel, I would turn her on her back and hold her head while cradling the rest of her lightly in my hand. Then as I brought the syringe to her beak, she would open it, and I would give her the medication one drop at a time, watching until she swallowed it before giving the next. A somewhat nerve-wracking experience, but by about day 6, I was getting reasonably competent. She really is quite an accommodating bird, and H said she knows we’re trying to help her. By the time she had finished the antibiotics she was no longer throwing blood when she flapped her wings. I was encouraged.

H had pointed out a bald spot under Ella’s right wing. It didn’t look like she was picking the feathers there, but there was definitely something wrong with the feathers in that area. We noticed some of the feathers near her wings were sort of “clumped” – like they had honey in them, or something. She kept trying to straighten them out, but it was an effort in futility. We had also noticed that if a feather came off her in her flapping, it was broken off, not dropped nicely from the follicle like it should be. You can tell because the end of a healthy feather is slightly tapered. These broken ends had blood in them. After the course of antibiotics, this blood was no longer fresh, but still signalled things weren’t right. Her feathers had always seemed tough compared to Jazzy’s, and the fine feathers underneath were much “dustier” than Jazzy’s.

Once when I had her on her back, I took a bit of extra time to stretch out her wings to look at the bald spot and the funny-looking feathers. I don’t know exactly the condition, but it looked to me like the fine feathers had a mould on them, or something. N had told us when we got her to shower them with water that contained some aloe vera. I decided that, until this cleared up, I was going to shower them every day to see if this would heal.

The hubby had holidays last week and he wanted to see H’s new store. He thought it would be a good idea to take the birds too, which we did. When we got there, I took Ella out of her box and put her on the counter for H to look at her. Later, I put her on my shoulder and she preened my hair for a while, then proceeded to preen herself. H was absolutely amazed at the change in Ella! She mentioned that Ella preening so easily on my shoulder said she was very comfortable up there, not ruffled by the new environment or all the activity around her. A very different bird from the one that bit her just over three weeks before! And the bald patch was gone, and the feathers were softer. Ella flapped once in the store, and one of her feathers came out. In looking at it, H and I determined it was a healthy feather – no more breakage, and no more dried blood. Wow! I was very encouraged by H’s words and the difference she saw. Sometimes, when you have never done this sort of thing before, you don’t know what is “normal.”

And now, Ella is a happy bird. Until last week, Jazzy was still too aggressive with her, pecking her somewhat too heavily. We put him in his own cage again for a while but put them together while we are in the room, until there are any attacks. There weren’t any all last week, and none this week either. H said they will likely bond when she is healthy, and she suggested, Jazzy may wait until she has grown in tail and wing feathers. The vet said that wouldn’t happen until her second molt next Spring. However, she has started growing new tail feathers, and new flight feathers on one wing! More amazing things! She probably won’t get to her full beauty until next Spring’s molt, but if she at least grows some of her normal feathers, we would be very pleased.

The other day, Ella was chattering away in that non-specific cockatiel way that sounds like they’re actually talking. She hadn’t done that much until recently, indicating she is feeling very well and happy. When I looked at her in the cage, she was hanging upside-down from her rope perch with her wings spread wide, just chattering and singing and chirping. Wow. I laughed out loud. It just looked and sounded like pure joy coming from our little bird’s heart, praising the God Who had made her, and Who had made her well again. She does that routine regularly now. And, apparently, this is a female behaviour. Also, since she is a pearl grey in colouring, that her wing feathers are growing in yellow means she is a female too. Once the males go through the first molt, all their body feathers come in dark grey except for those on the outside of the wings, which are white. Only the females keep yellow feathers into adulthood. We’re pleased about that. We did want them to be a male and female, even though we have no desire to breed babies.

At the moment, we still have to try to keep Ella from flying. She flies like a stone, making quite the resounding thud if we don’t manage to catch her in time. The best we can do for now is to try to get her fairly close to the floor before she drops. She could do damage if she lands too hard on her body, and it could kill her to land on her head. We’ll be very happy to see her next molt in the Spring with the anticipation of a bird who is better able to fly, at least to land more gently.

Until next time, love your pets…

Nostalgia

2011-10-05T17:25:00.001-04:00

I heard on tv yesterday that a remake of the 1984 movie Footloose is being released in a couple of weeks. And I ask, why? I can’t really remember if I saw the movie or not. I think I did when it has been aired on tv. However, that I don’t remember tells me it didn’t really make a big impact on me. Generally, I’m not much into dancing movies. Didn’t watch Dirty Dancing either. Although I appreciate music, and there are some musicals I have enjoyed, I’m just not much into movies about dancing. I know there is a deeper plot about religious “law” for the supposed protection of society, but still. All that is just not enough to entice me to watch it the first time, let alone a remake.

I do know a lot of the music from Footloose because of my first job out of college. In 1985, I worked for the summer as the sound engineer for one of the live shows at Canada’s Wonderland, a theme park just north of Toronto. The show had singing and dancing with a 12-member cast and they did arrangements of a number of hits from the previous year. By the time the 400th show came by, I was pretty sick of the Footloose music.

There have been so many movies over the past 20 years or so that are remakes of earlier movies. And many times, the originals are better. And there are always remakes of popular songs too. Very few of them, in my opinion, measure up to the original. Maybe I’m a music snob, but pop music is generally so simple, there isn’t much you can do to the arrangement to make it fresh for a second kick at the can. I am a fan of Jazz, and I would say there is a higher percentage of remakes that work. I attribute that to the higher complexity of the music, giving the artist a greater palette from which to draw. However, in any genre, movie or music, there are those “classics” that can stand the remake and still shine. I just don’t think Footloose is a classic.

To me, the remake of Footloose is about nostalgia, as is the case with a lot of music and movies. And, I must admit, I don’t understand nostalgia. My dictionary has two definitions for the word. The first is “homesickness,” and the second is “a yearning for something in the past.” Maybe that’s why I don’t understand it. Many people my age, including the hubby, listen almost exclusively to 70s music because they were in their teens during that decade. I had such a terrible time in my teens, I have absolutely no desire to try to recapture anything about it. From a technological perspective, the 70s is my least favourite decade. It was the beginning of multi-track recording and people didn’t know how to standardize the settings on these new machines. There were so many such recordings that needed massive fixing for re-release on CD, it sustained a specialty remastering company for years – in fact, they’re still operational. Additionally, with the rampant drug culture at the time, instrument tuning was extremely lax – a particular irritant to me. There is very little you can do after the fact to fix tuning issues.

“Homesickness” for me implies the future. The house where I was raised is long gone. It was pretty run down when we lived there, and the new owners wanted better, so they razed our house and built a new one in a different place on the property. They even dug up the foundation – there is NOTHING left of it. But that’s OK with me. I had no desire to go back. My real home is heaven, and I can’t wait to get there! I know in my eternal home, I will never have to leave. I will never again feel pain or sorrow. There will be no anxiety or loss. It will be continually bright and beautiful beyond compare. Knowing these characteristics makes me homesick for that place where I have not yet been.

Until next time, take good care of one another…

Anniversary

2011-10-04T19:31:00.000-04:00

Ten years ago today, my life changed forever. It was the day I moved into my mother-in-law’s house.

One week earlier, Mom called in tears and told us of her situation. She and my sister-in-law were not getting along any more, and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were moving out. Mom didn’t know what she was going to do. She knew she couldn’t live on her own and that’s why they originally moved in with her. They renovated the basement and lived there. She knew time was too short to move into a retirement home, so she was at a loss.

The hubby had taken his mother’s call and he told me what she had said. He said he had never heard her cry before, so it must be serious to move her to such emotion. As he was telling me what she had said, my thoughts were, “well, of course, we can move in with her.” Now, whenever a need was presented to us, I have always been the one to jump to help. The hubby always measures whether we are being taken advantage of, and what it will cost us in time and/or money to help. In this instance, by the time he finished telling me her story, he also said he thought we should move in with her. We took this agreement of intent as a sign that God wanted us to move in with her. We called her the next day, and I arranged to move as quickly as possible. We had to give 2-month’s notice on our apartment lease, so the hubby continued to live there and commute to Brantford on the weekends.

But early in 2002, my health was severely compromised and I was told if I didn’t get out of that stressful situation, I was a prime candidate for a heart attack. On Mother’s Day – May 12, 2002, mom moved to a retirement home in Ottawa, close to the hubby’s eldest brother and his sister, and their families. We stayed for another week before taking possession of our current house.

My response to this anniversary today has been odd, and unexpected. I’ve worked through so many things about that time and the hurts and pain, and stress, and what it all means, and how God has worked through all of it to bring us to a better place, spiritually. There has been anger and sadness which has all been worked through – I thought. But today, maybe because I was tired already, the emotions were much higher than I expected.

My main thoughts were wondering what my life would be like right now if this time had not happened. Would I still be healthy? Likely. Would the Christian publishing company I started in 2000 still be operational, and would it have come close to meeting the expectations I had for it? I don’t know. I don’t speculate about that often – it’s really pointless. I am where I am with all my health issues and lack of energy, struggling daily just to do minor things. This is so completely different from who I was 10 years ago!

Do I blame anyone? No. I see God’s hand in all of it. I’m not saying He steered us toward this situation – although He might have. But certainly, He has taken this very difficult time, and made the very best of it. I see such blessing in the road we have travelled, even though it has been, and will continue to be a tough one. Ten years ago, I could not have imagined I would have grown closer to God my Father – and yet, I can truly say I have. I understand my husband so much better through getting to know his mother. And especially right now when things are stressful for him and have strained our relationship, that understanding and knowledge has made it easier to cope.

So, here I am, 10 years later. I don’t know what the next 10 years will bring. Probably more of the same – unfortunately. It would be nice to be healthy again and to have some energy once in a while. But whatever happens, I know God will take it all and make it good for us, and it will give Him glory to do so. I will continue to serve Him to the best of my ability and watch for those opportunities He has graciously provided.

Until next time, appreciate your health, and watch for God in your trials…

Mother Nature

2011-10-03T17:42:00.000-04:00

Let me say off the top that there is no such thing as “Mother Nature.” However, since pagans and evolutionists cannot accept that a loving God created the world and continues to care for it, this concept has come to be commonplace in our language and thought.

There are two “extreme nature” style television shows hosted and created by Canadians. One is Survivorman with Les Stroud. I found out about 2 years ago that he also graduated from the Music Industry Arts program from which the hubby and I graduated. Les, apparently, always had the show concept in his mind. He goes into an unknown territory by himself with a camera and some gear, and then “survives” off the local natural resources. I’ve watched a couple of episodes, but really don’t like it. For some reason, that man gives me the creeps, and I just don’t like the concept.

The other show is called “Angry Planet” and is hosted by George Kourounis, an extreme weather chaser and adventurer. He seems to me to be a typical Canadian. I don’t know this with any certainty, but generally, I think many Canadians – especially those about 20 years or more younger than myself – are into extreme sports in greater numbers than other countries, at least that’s my impression. My younger brother was into it since he was a kid. If it looked dangerous, he did it! However, back to George. He has a laid-back style – nothing seems to flap him. He is well-prepared before he goes to the extreme, and he has a genuine excitement and sense of wonder about the stuff he gets to do. I would almost certainly never try anything he has showcased, but I enjoy watching the show because, not only is what he does interesting, he goes to places I would never get to see otherwise. Today, he suspended himself over a “boiling” lake on the island of Dominica in the West Indies.

Several episodes have featured George chasing tornadoes, lightening or hail, or all three. An episode last week had him travelling to Venezuela to experience the “perpetual storm,” which features hours of rain and spectacular lightening. I never knew this place or the boiling lake existed. Once when he was chasing hail in the United States mid-west, he made a comment that caught my attention. He was being pelted with hail in his attempt to find and preserve the largest hailstones he could find. He was standing outside his truck with fist-sized hail raining down on him, and he said, “Mother Nature is trying to kill me with all her force.” There are so many things wrong with that statement.

Let’s look at the typical character of mothers and see if they apply to “Mother Nature.” Mothers are loving and caring, often caring for all others in their families to the detriment of their own health and wellbeing. I’ve heard mothers say they would die for their children. Mothers nurture and teach. They discipline and comfort. When a child hurts, usually they run to their mothers first, knowing they will get sympathy and acknowledgement for their hurts, and often a solution to the pain. I have not had this personal experience from my biological mother, but my second and third moms have both exhibited these characteristics.

The world God created for us was nurturing, providing for all our physical needs. And then sin came along and changed everything. In talking about eternity, Paul writes in Romans 8:19, 22, “For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. … For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.” Even creation feels the burden of sin and waits as we do for release from this twisting of God’s good earth. In that state, I think the title to the TV show is appropriate – “Angry Planet.” In sin, there appears to be an anger in the violent weather experienced instead of the gentle nurturing God originally intended. However, for George to say Mother Nature was trying to kill him doesn’t sound like a very good mother to me. Our loving Father did not intend for “nature” to harm us, and only a mother twisted by sin would ever consider killing her children.

There. I now have that off my chest.

Until next time, give glory and honour to our Father, Creator…

Ella’s Debut

2011-09-22T09:55:00.001-04:00

I haven’t talked about the pets lately, and I don’t think I’ve introduced our second bird.

It would seem we have been getting information from a bad source. Last December, when Jazzy turned two, he started screaming – ALL the time! He was generally better when I was in the room with him, but even then sometimes he would start screaming in my presence. And he started a frustrated squawk that really grated on my nerves.

When we bought Jazzy, H was the manager of the pet store, and she was great with birds. We watched as she conditioned a conure from being a cranky, biting bird to one that was friendly and gentle, and she could turn upside down with no problem. Suddenly, she was relocated to another store, and N came to be the manager. She talked about the birds she had at home so we figured she was also in the know.

When I talked to N about Jazzy’s screaming, she said he was in his mating phase and with most birds, it passes. January, February… it wasn’t passing. She said there were some things I needed to stop doing and he would stop. Any kind of attention paid during the screaming would be taken as affirmation, so I had to ignore him and only pay him attention when he was quiet. Do you know how hard that is? March, April, May… the screaming continued. Then N said for some birds, it’s not a phase. They need a mate.

So, in June, we bought Ella. We have discovered it is almost impossible to tell if a cockatiel is male or female. Some say if it talks, it is always a male. In reading online postings, breeders say females can talk, but it is more uncommon. So far, Ella only says “hello.” Some say if the tail and wing feather colour is solid and not banded, it’s a male. Other say, this is not the case. If at the age of one they are still the pearl colour, it’s a female. That one holds the most promise, and Ella has not lost her pearl colouring. Behaviour difference, anatomical differences, DNA testing… none of them seem to be 100 percent accurate. A breeder said the DNA test from one of his males came back as a female because of contamination to the needle that took the test blood. The only way to know for sure if a cockatiel is a female is if she lays eggs. So, as far as we know, Ella is a female, even though we’ve had differing opinions by the “experts.” We really don’t care. We want Jazzy and Ella to bond so he will stop screaming! So far, this has not happened.

We saw one of the employees – L – at the pet store that we knew had worked with H so we asked where H had gone, and L told us. We were doubting that N knew anything about birds, and we remembered the conure H had tamed. And we had concerns about our little Ella.

In early June, we bought Ella on sale. She and another cockatiel had just gone through a molt and had bald patches – not very attractive to the average buyer. We were glad to get a bargain. They claimed she was hand-raised and hand-fed like Jazzy had been. But they had a very difficult time getting Ella out of the cage. She’s scream and flap and avoid being captured as long as possible. I felt sorry for the little thing. When I took her, she immediately sought comfort under my chin. The store people were amazed and I took that as a sign that Ella was our next bird. And she liked Jazzy. She wanted to be near him, and we took that as a greater possibility of bonding.

The day we actually bought her, in getting her out of the cage – with a net, no less! – the store staff said Ella broke a blood feather so they took her in the back and removed it. Birds bleed very quickly and they can bleed to death in a very short time. Blood feathers are the newly grown feathers after a molt and they are attached to a vein. If the feather breaks anywhere along that vein, the bird bleeds. So, we thought they took care of it and we could take her home. She flapped furiously when we tried to take her out of the box – hand-raised? I think not! – and started bleeding profusely. The bleed-stop powder they sold us didn’t work, so I called. They said to press on it like you would for a bad bleed in a person. So I turned our new little bird on her back and held the bleeding area until it stopped. She lost a lot of blood and was rather lethargic for about a week. I had to repeat this procedure the next day, reopening the bleeder in trying to get her out of the cage. I decided it was best to leave her in her cage for a few more days.

And we discovered she was actually afraid of hands! With great patience and slow movement, she has finally gotten to the point where we can get her to “step up” quickly and confidently. But new things still frighten her and she flaps.

I took both the birds to H’s store the other day for a wing clipping and to meet Ella and to see Jazzy again. They called me into the clipping room and said Ella had to go to a vet – that her wings were infected and she was very sick. They gave me the name of an avian vet in Hamilton and he prescribed antibiotics. He said she had broken all her flight feathers in night frights. I said she had only had a couple of frights since we brought her home, and her wings had looked that way when we bought her. I always thought there was something wrong about the way they looked but since I trusted N, I thought it was OK. We even had her in for a clipping in late July and they said they clipped a couple but not the blood feathers. H confirmed to me by the time of the clipping, the feathers that came in after the molt would have grown past the blood feather stage. Lies all the way around. At least we’ll save money on wing clipping for Ella for a while.

Now, we have to keep her from re-injuring her wings until her next molt – next spring! Her anxiety level is improving, but this will be challenging. She has already injured one wing again because something startled her. And no wonder Jazzy wasn’t bonding with her. In the wild, a sick bird is not considered a good mate. We can only hope once she is healed, and her disposition improves – it’s already pretty good – he will find her attractive. There is still hope for the screaming to stop.

I think I will see what L likes so we can buy a gift certificate to thank her. She saved our bird’s life.

Until next time, watch the birds in your backyard, and enjoy their praise to God…

Spider Fear

2011-09-21T10:37:00.001-04:00

Two days in a row, talking about spiders. With the increase of the indoor spider population, I got thinking about two different aspects to the situation and thought I would share.

Monday morning, I was sitting on the couch surfing the internet when a rather large spider – at least large by non-tropical standards – ran across the floor. I immediately gasped, grabbed a facial tissue that was at hand, and screwed up my courage to kill it. I was not comfortable using only a small facial tissue instead of a paper towel for a spider of that size, but I did not want to leave the room and risk not being able to find it when I returned. There’s a whole new level of anxiety in a known, but unfound, spider. So, I approached and bent down, and the spider took off under the stereo stand. I armed myself with a paper towel and sat back on the couch, anxiously hoping it would reappear. About 20 minutes later, I saw it again, laid the paper towel on top of it and immediately flat-hand smacked it several times. Mission accomplished. Whew! I could again relax and let my heart rate return to normal.

At the Lutheran Women’s Missionary League Canada convention in 2009, the guest speaker was a pastor and family counsellor from the US and he spoke about abuse. At one point, he talked about the feelings of fear – the way the gut tenses, and I knew immediately what he was saying. I don’t remember what other body responses he talked about, but I added a couple of my own – heart pounding, nausea and goose bumps. And I had a lightening moment of understanding.

For most of my life, I have said I wasn’t afraid of anything. The emotions I recognized were happiness, sadness, and anger. I didn’t feel jealousy or fear. It turns out, I just never recognized the signs of fear. I truly don’t think I feel jealousy – but maybe another speaker one day will describe those body responses, and I will recognize them then. Earlier in 2009, I started to feel emotions I didn’t recognize, and they were as a result of my childhood. I felt some sort of longing, and abandonment, and neglect. This didn’t make sense to me, but they were so overwhelming I decided I needed to investigate the source. I soon came to realize it was because of the abuse and neglect my mother brought into my life. I had never felt these things before – not that I could remember.

As I tried to make sense of these things, I also recognized I had a fear of confrontation, especially with women. There were more men in my life, and I seem to have a healthy relationship with them, certainly in terms of confrontation. But, for some reason, if a woman confronted me, fear! The stress from this fear in dealing with my mother-in-law has caused my long-term health issues. But these emotions were new and obviously came from a much earlier time in my life, and I needed to understand them.

Some wise people in my life told me “feelings need to be felt.” This was confirmed in the reading I was doing at the time as well. I have always “judged” my emotions. “It’s stupid that I am afraid of spiders.” That’s a judgment. I don’t know why I am afraid of spiders. There is one memory from when I was small where a spider bit me on the toe, and it hurt. Maybe that was when the fear started. A crayfish once bit me on the toe too, but, although crayfish are not as prevalent in my life, I don’t think I fear them. Why? Don’t know. There is no logic – these are emotions.

So now, a couple of years later, and after much reading and talking, I recognize the more complete range of emotions I feel. And I feel them. There are days I am just very sad and cry. I don’t know why always, but I need to feel them and to cry. In my reading I discovered I have been “emotionally detached” all these years. It is one of the mechanisms the brain uses to protect a child from being overwhelmed by trauma in their life. But it is not the way God meant for emotions to work. When I first broke through this detachment, all my emotions were scary. They were stuck in the fear and trauma of a time when I was very young – a time when things can be very scary. I needed to feel my emotions, scary or not, to be able to let them “grow up.”

I still try to control my emotions somewhat – it is a hard habit to break. And my health cannot handle a lot of strong emotion any more without negative physical impact. But, if something moves me now, I let the tears flow. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not. They are emotions.

And I know sometimes God has cried with me. Jesus was with me during those times of trauma early in my life. He held me sometimes when I cried. I know He is still with me. He didn’t want those things to happen to me, but since they did, He can turn them all around for my benefit (Romans 8:28). He and I are in this together – always have been, always will be. He will mete vengeance on those who wronged me – in His way, in His time, and according to His mercy. I don’t need to be at all concerned about it. And He promises me that one day, I will be free of the emotional and physical pain I have endured during my earthly life. What I have suffered here is so minor compared to the “weight of glory” He has in store for me (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). And I look forward to that day.

And, for no good reason, I will likely always be afraid of spiders.

Until next time, feel the feelings...

Spider Season

2011-09-20T18:40:00.001-04:00

There comes a time every year as the weather turns a bit colder when spiders decide it is nicer to live in a nice warm location than to live outside in the cold. I don’t know how they get in, but they like seem to like our house.

I am mostly indifferent to insects – they are a fact of life. I don’t really like mosquitos but find these days I don’t get bit that much, so they’re not so annoying. I don’t like fruit flies and we seem to get them from the potting soil I use for transplanting house plants. You can never tell before you buy it, so we just have to be diligent in eradicating them afterwards. However, spiders must go!

We have a picture of Jesus on the wall above the buffet. The hubby’s one brother bought it many years ago for his mom and it has hung in their house since that time. When mom was preparing to sell her house, she asked us if there was anything of hers we would like. The hubby said he wanted that picture. We found out later the brother would like to have taken the picture back, but said it was OK that it was still with family.

When the spiders come into our house, the most likely place we will find them is where the wall joins the ceiling above the picture of Jesus. I say they are appealing to Him to save them from the mean housewife who makes it her mission to kill them. In actuality, they are likely just attracted to the warmth of the small light at the top of the picture.

Sometimes, as I am standing on a chair with a paper towel in my hand, about to commit my dastardly deed, I apologize to the King of Life for the insect life I am about to take. After all, when He created them, death was not in the plan. But with the changes in nature since the fall into sin, death is just the way things are – the ultimate end for every living thing now.

I think I may have mentioned in past blogs about the apartment we had in Mississauga. The family who lived there for 11 years before us were Hindu and, because of their religion, didn’t kill anything, including insects. We moved in March so when the warmer weather arrived, so did the insects. There were some I had never seen before! They could have been imported from another country given the grocery items they likely bought. And we killed, and killed, and killed. Because I respond so badly to most chemicals, we used catcher devices and swatters. Wave upon wave of different insects emerged throughout the spring, summer, and fall. Winter brought some relief. The following year was better, and by the third year, there were only slightly more than you would ordinarily expect. One of those waves was fruit flies. They were thick on cupboard doors. It was quite disgusting. I could just smack the doors until my hands hurt, killing hundreds in one session. To this day, I can still catch a fruit fly out of the air – not every time, but more than half the time.

The situation in that apartment is another sign of sin in the world. I don’t know what God planned when He created insects. Some people tell me I should not kill spiders because they eat other insects. Well, did God originally create them to eat another living insect? I don’t know. However, there was balance in what God created. There would not have been an overrun of any creature in His perfect world. Now that sin is the norm, instincts have been turned to survival, and that is best accomplished with the greatest numbers.

So, until we pass from this sin-drenched earth to the perfection of heaven, I will continue to kill spiders, even those that appeal to Jesus.

Until next time, take a moment to appreciate all of God’s creation…

Labour Strikes

2011-09-15T10:44:00.002-04:00

Unions bother me. There is no doubt in my mind that over the years, unions have done much to improve the lot of the average worker. Safety standards are higher, likely because of unions. Pay rates are also much better and workers are not exploited the way they once were. But I truly think their usefulness has passed.

It is my opinion that unions have introduced a mindset among the general population that you don’t need any education or skills and you can get a good paying job – it’s your right. High school dropouts go to work for a manufacturing plant, learn on the job, and get paid absolutely obscene amounts of money. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are some people who just can’t go make it through high school. I have my issues with our current education system too, if you’d like to hear me expound on that subject sometime. I’m not being an education snob by any means. There are those who think the higher your education, the better off you are – university education is the only way. I’m certainly not in that camp either.

One of the reasons for the extremely high union pay scale is to help offset the cost of union dues. Time after time during strikes, reports have been published that show after about three weeks, the workers would have been better off to continue working at the rate they were making before the strike. Whatever the increase in pay or benefits they demanded does not outweigh the pay losses from the strike. Is this intelligent? Why do they just never understand this? And those of us who aren’t members of unions get along just fine, working at a lower rate of pay, with no increases for years in some cases, but the consistency allows us to know how much we will have at the end of the year.

And then there is the killing of the work ethic that unions often foster. When I worked in the music industry, as a new hire, I was paid a pittance. I knew eventually my pay rate would improve, but I started to get impatient for that day. So, I applied at the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC) for an editing job there. I knew some CBC editing engineers and they weren’t all that good. When I had my interview, the manager was extremely keen to have me work there. The pay increase would have been significant – almost double my current pay rate.

However, in discussions, they said I would be a new hire, and as such, would learn first one job and then the next, working my way up the seniority levels. They didn’t have in-house editing at this point, but were planning for that eventuality. When I asked how the decision would be made for the hiring of the editing engineer, they said they would post it internally and whichever applicant had the most seniority would be hired to that position. Just to clarify, I used the name of the bad CBC editor I knew and said if he and I both applied, he would get the job because he had worked there longer, even though I was the better editor. The manager said, “yes.” I withdrew my application.

Earlier this summer, Canada Post went on strike for three weeks. I don’t remember what they wanted but the government legislated them back to work. Air Canada went on strike, and neither do I remember why. However, the Canadian Government legislated them back to work after a few days. These are considered essential services even though the unions cried about the injustice of taking away the workers’ right to strike. And now the GO bus drivers and Air Canada steward staff are also threatening strikes in the coming days.

When the first strikes occurred, I heard a statistic that truly shocked me and confirmed to me the complete uselessness of unions – and their overwhelming cost to the overwrought Canadian taxpayer. If all unionized government workers were paid a private-sector-equivalent salary, the savings to the government would be $19 billion annually! Nineteen billion dollars! Not just a one-time saving. This means every single year, the Canadian people would save $19 billion! With approximately 22 million tax payers in Canada, that is a yearly saving of $863 on everyone’s tax bill. I could find so many more things to do with that money than to pay someone else’s union dues.

OK, rant over.

Until next time, work hard, and thank God for the blessings He bestows…

Christian Politician?

2011-09-13T18:32:00.003-04:00

On Monday, August 22, the leader of the New Democratic Party, Jack Layton, died of cancer at the age of 61. He had battled prostate cancer about a year ago, and then had surgery on a broken bone in his hip just before the May 2, 2011 election campaign. Shortly after the election, he announced he had another form of cancer and would be taking the summer off to deal with it.

Jack had been the party leader since 2003, and through hard work and a natural charisma, built up the NDP party to its highest levels ever. The NDP is considered to be the third party in Canadian politics and, although they have been elected to provincial leadership from time to time in various provinces, they have never gained the status of official opposition on the national level – until this election. In quite a surprising development, Jack Layton was a huge success in Quebec. He is an English speaker originally from Quebec, but the success this time was directly attributable to his personality.

As a person, I found him to be a warm and caring man, highly intelligent (he has a PhD), and definitely has personality. He had succeeded at municipal politics before vying for national leadership.

However, the party is my least favourite and I would never vote for them. All party members must sign a document of agreement that states women have the right to choose to have an abortion. I could never support such a party, no matter how many of their other policies appealed to me.

Although I had never really wanted to know or thought about it, in reports about Jack Layton after his death, it was stated he had been a man of faith. Apparently, he had been a member of the United Church of Canada (UCC) when he was young. There was some discussion among some of my Christian Facebook friends about this. Some thought this was good for our country, and some thought it didn’t really make any difference.

Here are my thoughts. The hubby was a member of the UCC until at one General Council in the late 80s, they passed a resolution stating women had the right to choose to end a pregnancy. That was the last straw for the hubby, and he went through instruction classes to become a Lutheran. As for Jack, it was not reported if he was still a member of the UCC or if he was, how active he was in his faith community. Even if he had been an active member, since the UCC believes the same thing as the NDP about abortion, there would be no conflict.

I truly don’t understand how any Christian who believes that the Lord of Life is their personal Saviour can ever agree with abortion, or euthanasia, for that matter. I know there are people who do, but to me, those two ideas are in deep conflict. And it is truly sad to me that any Christian denomination can have such offensive resolutions in their doctrine.

I’m not saying the other two political parties are any better with the abortion issue. But at least, to my understanding, members have the freedom to opt out of those sections of their party platform, if they decide they cannot agree with them.

From the National Convention of the Lutheran Women’s Missionary League Canada in Ottawa in 2009, I learned there are quite a few Christian members of parliament and there is a prayer group that meets several times a week to begin their day talking to God. Although I found that to be surprising, I also find it to be comforting. There are Christian politicians in Canada. I just don’t happen to think Jack Layton was one of them.

Until next time, love life…

Remembrances

2011-09-12T15:41:00.001-04:00

Last week was the lead-up to the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks on the US. There were a lot of different aspects explored on all the news channels, so-much-so that it was difficult to avoid if one wanted to.

The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) usually goes in-depth on most stories, but they truly outdid themselves last week. One of their regular features on many stories is POV – Point of View. The CBC poses a question and viewers e-mail their responses. Last week, the question was “where were you on the morning of 9/11/2001?” Although I didn’t respond by e-mail, I thought about it as I heard what other people submitted.

At that time, I was preparing a book to go to print. We lived in Mississauga near the airport in a very nice two-bedroom apartment with a den. I was working from home and we had converted the den into my office. It was my habit to watch one of the morning news shows that ended at 9:00 am, and then start work. Of course, the first plane crash happened at 8:46 am, and I found I did not move from the couch for a quite a long time. The looks of shock on the faces of the morning staff and the tears they fought back is unforgettable. Immediately, I assumed it was terrorism, even though initially it was reported the plane might have just got off its flight path. When the second one hit the second tower at 9:03, I was certain.

I tried to e-mail the hubby to let him know what was going on, and if he had heard about it. What I didn’t know at the time was the first plane struck the building at the floor of his company’s head office. His boss in Toronto had been in those offices for a series of conference calls, and it is assume he was killed instantly, along with over 400 other company employees. A devastating day, to be sure, but that floor also housed the worldwide e-mail hub for their company. Within 24 hours, they had it all set up again, rerouting through their other offices around the world. I did not reach the hubby by e-mail that day, but he called me a little while later.

I was shocked by these events as I had never seen anything like it. The next day, we discovered there had been an airplane prepped at the Toronto International Airport for the same kind of action, the intent being to crash into office towers in downtown Toronto. I’m very glad some observant airport worker found the box cutters under the seats and alerted security. The plane never accomplished the intention of the hijackers. I’m doubly glad because the hubby was working in one of those office towers.

Many of the POV comments from last week expressed how deep their fear had been on that day ten years ago. One person said it was a fear like they had never known. Two friends of mine also expressed deep fear. Their world was no longer safe, and they didn’t know what would happen next. If this could happen in a relatively safe society, then the terrorism possibilities for even more horrific events were endless to their minds. I was certainly not feeling fear. Yes, the new “world order” after such an event was uncertain. We could no longer count on the previous level of safety. However, although it didn’t look like it from these events, I was certain God was still in control. I didn’t have any idea what He was going to accomplish out of this event, but I knew He had it all woven into a plan, and I trusted His plan. My friends were amazed at my lack of fear, and it gave me an opportunity to tell them why I was not afraid. One of them took it to heart and is still attending church. The other dismissed it.

I don’t know that I have any big ideas to share beyond my personal experience. I don’t hate Muslims because I know the majority of them don’t hold to the same ideas as the terrorists on violent judgment of the “infidel.” However, I do pray for them more consistently now.

Until next time, do not fear. God is in control…

Hockey players

2011-09-09T14:28:00.001-04:00

It’s been a bad summer for the sport of hockey. For those of you who may not know, hockey is Canada’s national winter game. It is played on a frozen surface (ice) by 5 players and a goal keeper. The players wear skates – thin blades attached to boot bottoms. They use sticks to manoeuver a rubber disk just over an inch thick and about 4 inches in diameter into a net that the goal keeper is guarding. It’s a very fast-paced game and it can be pretty rough. There are leagues all over the world, particularly in northern climates.

This summer, there have been three young men from the National Hockey League (NHL) who have committed suicide. Recently, there has been some speculation that concussions are a major problem that needs to be addressed, and with these suicides occurring with three “enforcer” type players, there is even more speculation that their depression was as a result of too many brain injuries. One of these men (maybe two, can’t remember) donated his brain for scientists to look a the injury patterns to help them determine if concussion caused their depression.

When one thinks about what “could have been done” to prevent these men from taking their own lives, the reports say the NHL has programs in place that the players can use to help with depression. However, the other side of the coin is that hockey is a macho game and those who would make use of services for mental illness would be ridiculed for being “weak” and needing help. So, although the services are there, few would actually use them, and especially not the enforcers. This “show of weakness” would ruin their reputation as tough guys, something to be avoided at all costs.

The latest man to succumb to his depression was Wade Belak. He was 36 and had retired from hockey about 6 months ago. In listening to the reports about him, there were things about his life that reminded me of myself. Now, don’t worry. I have never been suicidal, even though I have been depressed. Everyone the reporters interviewed said Wade was the kind of guy who was happy, always talking to others when he noticed they looked a bit down, cheering them up. He brought atmosphere to the locker room and made everyone laugh. Teammates went to Wade when they had problems and he helped them. And he protected his teammates on the ice.

The four men I saw interviewed about their relationship with Wade all said they had been very close to him. The reporter asked when they had last seen or talked to Wade, and their answers ranged from six months to 1-1/2 years. Close? Really? If they were that close, why was their communication not more frequent?

And this is where he reminded me of myself. I’ve been known to cheer people up, and to talk to them when they are down. It’s something I actually enjoy, and people usually feel better after they have talked to me. I make people laugh. When I left my last job, I had so many people say they were going to miss me, and I couldn’t really figure out why. I realized over time that I was the only one who did what I did, even though I thought it was just the way everyone acted – concerned about people and wanting to help. Many of those people I never heard from again, even though they said they felt so close to me. The same thing happened when I got sick. When I no longer had the energy to reach out to people, I found I was the one keeping the friendship alive. Very few reached out to me when I needed them. I cherish those people who do reach out. I wonder if Wade had such people in his life, or if he was coming to those harsh realizations on his own.

In contrast, I love what the Christian Sudanese community does. A few years ago, there had been two people who were in danger – one of suicide, and one of committing extreme violence because of unhealed hurts from his homeland. The suicidal woman had just lost her daughter very suddenly while the girl was in Africa with her father and sister. The community recognized the signs of this mother’s suicide and from that point, never left her alone. They immediately set up a schedule of those who would stay with her and tend to her basic needs, including providing a listening ear, if it was wanted. The pastor visited every day to counsel her, and it was he who declared the danger past. And the young man who was bent on violence was also never left alone. Elders in the community, and especially those who knew the atrocities he had endured in Sudan counselled him every day. The pastor also visited him every day and counselled him, and eventually declared the danger past.

Yes, the NHL says the services are there. But how can they bridge the gap of fear in using them? North American society is founded on individualism. Unless the person asks for help, we leave them alone. Is that caring? In some cases, it is not. If Wade had not been alone – he was in Toronto away from his family for a reality show taping – would his despair have become so deep he felt he needed to end it permanently? I don’t know. I just know that within the Sudanese community, there is one woman who is still with us, and a young man who has not had to deal with the deeper consequences of the violence he intended. Each is healthier for others “getting their noses in their business.” This isn’t necessarily the difference between the secular world and the Christian world. It is more about the cultural differences between east and west. However, the Sudanese response reflects the behaviour required of us in the Bible. We are to bear one another’s burdens. Can we in the church break away from the Western culture and do this? We have seen it in limited measure within the church – but we surely could do much better, in my opinion.

Until next time, take a moment to reach out to someone who is hurting…

Exhaustion

2011-09-08T14:04:00.002-04:00

It’s been almost three months since my last post, and they were pretty sparse for a few months before that. This whole year for me has been a rough one in terms of my health. But I’m finally making very slow progress, and hope to be able to write more often again. Not only do others enjoy my posts, but I really enjoy the writing process. It is good for me to exercise the artistic muscle.

When I first got sick 10 years ago, it all started with adrenal exhaustion as a result of a stress overload in caring for my mother-in-law. The meanness and deception she introduced into my life was too much for me to handle. At that time, I was also into the second year of my publishing company, and was preparing a book for publication. Once the exhaustion really hit, it was all I could do to stay awake during the day. My blood pressure was extremely low because the adrenals weren’t producing the hormones required to maintain proper blood pressure. This is still a problem. With supplements, I managed to maintain a reasonable level of energy to accomplish basic activities in life.

Late last year, I started to get to a point of complete exhaustion again. After some testing, it was determined I had infections in the intestines and the sinuses. I had already been through a parasite eradication process, and the infections were what was left. We worked at getting the infections under control. At that time, the new naturopath (Dr. Maple – named for the city in which he practices), took me off the adrenal supplements and put me on a tea. In alternative medicine, the idea is to encourage the body to do as much as it will do before just replacing what it will not produce. The tea was a formulation to do just that. A few months later, it looked like my adrenals were responding and I started to have some energy. But by the next visit, they had crashed again. He put me back on the supplements the first naturopath (Dr. Dundas) had prescribed, but now it seemed I had become sensitive to one of the ingredients in this combination supplement. Until the new supplement came in, I would have to endure daily migraines. I found that the lower the dosage, the lighter the migraine, but that meant I had no energy. I no longer get migraines from the new supplement, and very slowly, my energy levels are increasing. My next visit with Dr. Maple is next week, so we’ll see if the test results bear out my perception of improvement.

This exhaustion has changed my lifestyle dramatically. Over the past 10 years, I have changed things a lot to deal with lower energy levels. But in the past 9 or so months, I’ve had to change even more. I used to buy groceries during the week so we didn’t have to chase around on the weekend. I found I put myself into trouble if I carried the heavy groceries. So, this now has to wait until the weekend when the hubby can carry the bags. I bought a couple of bags yesterday, and I am again paying for it today. The house is a disaster! And the gardens. A couple of weeks ago, I finally had a little energy spurt so I pruned some shrubs in the back yard, and pulled some weeds. Still a long way to go, but it felt good to finally get some of those tasks finished. And slowly the cleanliness around the house is improving.

Even thinking has been difficult. The brain just doesn’t want to work. So I play games on Facebook. My Facebook friends like that they can talk to me, but I was feeling pretty useless just playing games. Then there was a period of a few days where I couldn’t even get online and I was missed. I realized at that point that I wasn’t doing “nothing.” God still graciously provided a way for me to serve even in such a low physical state. These people needed to talk to me, or have me pray for something in their lives. They needed my words of encouragement, and my sense of humour. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and thanked God that He gives me what I desire most – to always have a way to serve Him.

Until next time, give thanks for the ability to do things, even things that seem insignificant…

Fences

2011-06-17T13:41:00.002-04:00

I went for a short walk today – just down to the dead-end of our street. There is only one cross-street and there is a house on the corner. I haven’t noticed if it has changed ownership – they used to have a sign beside the door with the occupants’ names. However, as I passed by today, I noticed they were in the midst of building a new fence around the back yard.

I liked walking past this house. They had some beautiful trees and flowers around the perimeter of their yard, and bird feeders for all kinds of birds – most notably, finches and hummingbirds. Many times I walked by – slowly and carefully – past hummingbirds feeding, and both gold finches and purple finches. I’ve seen Baltimore Orioles in their yard, and even a few Cedar Waxwings. I think the only reason we have had finches and hummingbirds in our back yard is because of these neighbours.

That they are building a fence is not really momentous in itself. What disappointed me was that they replaced the chain link fence with a higher privacy fence. Now when I walk by, I won’t see those beautiful birds, flowers and trees.

I have no idea why they decided to change to a privacy fence. Maybe they had problems with people looking into their house since the glass doors leading to the deck are closest to the street. There are five townhouse complexes on this short section of street contributing to a high volume of pedestrian traffic. Maybe the chain link fence was wearing out or the posts were needing repair – I don’t know. I probably won’t ever know. Although I had chatted with the woman a few times on my walks, I would never recognize her to see her out of the context of her back yard.

I think I miss it because it was the only chain link fence in the neighbourhood of privacy fencing. I hadn’t even thought of that until it was gone. And I surely wouldn’t want to be without privacy fencing for our back yard, especially after the condo management cut down the two trees behind our house. And I will probably still see the finches, hummingbirds and orioles in the neighbourhood. And I hope this fence serves their purposes. Maybe it’s one more severing of human connection that I miss too, however thin this connection was.

Until next time, enjoy your neighbourhood…

Rioting

2011-06-16T14:39:00.002-04:00

Well, last evening was the big game – the Stanley Cup final. For those who don’t know, the Stanley Cup is the prize presented to the winning team of the National Hockey League. Hockey is a sport played skating on ice with five players on each side and a goal keeper. They use sticks to put a round, flat rubber disk into a net. It is fast paced and fairly aggressive. For many years, the hubby and I have not watched much except the final games. This year, the only Canadian team to make it to the final round was the Vancouver Canucks playing against the Boston Bruins. There is the possibility of seven games needing to be played to determine the outcome, and it came down to the seventh game this time. Boston won in the city of Vancouver.

And then the trouble began. We went to bed partway through the second period – oh, there are three, twenty minute periods to each game. In fact, we were watching the Toronto vs. New England soccer game at the time. We were reasonably certain that, although we wanted Vancouver to win, Boston would prevail.

There was rioting in the streets of Vancouver after the game. Organizers had set up a “Fan Zone” outside the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) building where the game was being shown on big screens for those fans who couldn’t attend the game in person. The reports said there were over 100,000 people there. In watching the news this morning, it amazed me the amount of damage that was done. Store windows were smashed and cars were overturned and burned. What?!? In Canada?!? Well, yes. This happened in 1995 also because the Canucks lost. Vancouver Police said it wouldn’t be as bad this time because they were ready with what they felt to be an adequate police presence that was missing in 1995. However, by all reports, this rioting was worse.

The media thought Vancouver sporting fans had “grown up” because of their good behaviour during last winter’s Olympics. Guess these weren’t the same mature fans. One thing I noticed in watching the reports was many of the rioters were wearing backpacks. They, apparently, arrived later with supplies for rioting, so the thought is that they were not true fans interested in the game, but were only interested in causing problems. One such person drove his car into the fan area and set it on fire. Why? I have no idea. The attractiveness of such behaviour is lost on me.

And there is no respect for authority or the consequences of their actions. They were busy taking pictures of themselves rioting, and mugging for the media cameras with smiles on their faces. There was no thought of hiding their identity for fear of being caught and spending time in jail. I really don’t understand that!

So, now, many of us Canadians bear the embarrassment of these actions in our country. We contemplate the stupidity of these “children,” and wonder what our Canada has come to when these sorts of events happen. The cleanup from 1995 cost taxpayers over $1 million, and the price tag is likely to be even higher this time. All this just makes me sad.

Until next time, thank God for the blessing of civic obedience…

Migraines and the Senses

2011-06-07T12:19:00.002-04:00

I hadn’t had a migraine for over a week until last Friday. Thursday, I added a bit of curry powder to our meal, and had a migraine Friday. It wasn’t too severe, and it went away late in the day. At least I knew what it was this time. Since then, I’ve had a couple more unexplained migraines.

Generally, when one has a migraine, one is sensitive to light. So, whenever I have been asked by health professionals if I am sensitive to light during that time, I say no. I tell them I am sensitive to smell. They find that curious and almost always comment such a sensitivity is rare. But then, I really throw them for a loop. I discovered while I was in the music industry that I just could not work when I had a migraine. Even if it wasn’t too bad when I went into work, any amount of time doing critical listening would have me nauseous pretty quickly. There were more than a few panicked jaunts to the restroom in the middle of a session before I just stayed home.

The health care professionals I have told this to have always been dumbfounded. To a one, they had never heard of another case of migraines getting worse with critical listening. However, I pointed out to them, how many people would actually be doing critical listening when they have a migraine? Or would even notice they didn’t play music when they suffered? It is my opinion that because hearing is almost autonomic (done without conscious thought), people don’t pay that much attention to a change in their behaviour. You would have to survey all the audio engineers in the world who suffer from migraines to see if there was an actual pattern. I can’t be the only one.

As to the sense of smell, this has meant the hubby has to cook his own meals sometimes when I have a migraine, and sometimes, I have to bury my head under the blankets until the smell has dissipated. Usually, just being in a different room is enough. I discovered in this latest round, however, that even the smell of lilacs bothers me. Our Miniature Korean Lilac is in full bloom right now in the front flowerbed. With the beautiful weather, I’ve had the windows and front door open. The pungent smell of lilac was quite strong, and with the migraine, was making me nauseous. I found that very sad. I love the smell of lilacs and look forward to their blooming season. As my migraine improved, I found the character of the fragrance seemed to change. Obviously, what changed was how my mind perceived the aroma. Whatever had been aggravating my nausea seemed to lessen and the beautiful full fragrance returned for me to enjoy again.

I guess there is nothing but observation in this. I just found it curious, and interesting that I had never realized this before. I guess I’ve never had a migraine before while the lilacs were blooming. The things you learn…

Until next time, be sure to stop and smell the roses, or whatever is blooming in your part of the world…

Sick Youth Workers

2011-06-06T13:50:00.001-04:00

Since the hubby didn’t have to play the organ yesterday, we decided to visit another church, as we usually do in the summer. It’s a great way to see how other churches do things, and we usually visit churches where we also have friends, so we get to visit them at least once a year. We had planned to visit the church of a pastor friend of ours in London since he has been called to Calgary and we won’t see them often after they leave. But, with our church’s national convention happening in Hamilton, he was there and not in London. We didn’t know where else we would go, but on Saturday I asked the hubby if he would like to attend the church of the pastor we have called to hear him preach. We also have friends there. Turns out that pastor was also at the convention, however, we did get to visit briefly with our friends.

In cleaning up my Facebook friends list, I had dropped R quite some time ago, as well as a few other people with whom I served on the district youth committee. I’m not the kind of person who needs a lot of people on my friends list to feel loved. I would prefer to have a small number who actually interact with me regularly. Seems my youth friends are great in real life, but they just don’t talk to me online. Had I kept him as a friend, I would have probably known of his recent health issues. He has been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, and he had surgery four weeks ago for stage two thymus cancer! Wow. I discovered this AFTER I gave him a vigorous hug!

At the luncheon after worship, we sat with R and his wife, and A, who had worked for years with R in youth ministry at their church. We recognized each other from our mutual involvement with the district youth retreats in the 90s. So, the three of us got talking about our various lives and I shared with them my recent health challenges. I think it was A who said something about how we were three youth workers, and we were all sick. I said, jokingly, “hadn’t we been through enough in youth ministry”? She said, maybe the challenges of youth ministry prepared us for this time of health challenges. Interesting perspective.

But it got me thinking. I wondered if there were more youth people out there who have developed life-altering health issues. It would make an interesting survey. I don’t believe in coincidence, but I also don’t think there can really be any correlation between youth work and illness later in life. There are so many factors that brought each of us to our respective health challenges that it was just a curious observation that we all shared a time working with youth.

One factor I think does influence our health is the type of people we are. I think any volunteer youth workers are very caring people. We serve youth because we love them and care about their faith walk. And, sometimes we serve until we burn out. We have such a love of serving that we rarely say no to a request made of us. This is true not only of those who serve youth. I think it is true of Christians who serve completely in other ways. A friend of mine in asking me to pray for a couple of her friends commented that she didn’t understand how it was the most faithful Christian servants always got sick. She wondered why God didn’t keep them healthy and strong to serve. From my own experience, I know the strength of faith that has grown in me during my health trials, but this woman didn’t understand. To us, for the most part, we accept how our lives have turned out. God works everything for the good for those who love Him. Our “light and momentary” trials cannot compare to the eternal riches we will see. And, maybe, that we continue to serve others and give our all, even in our weakness, is for the benefit of others. Just a thought. Or, maybe we just have boundary issues.

Until next time, thank God for the health with which He has blessed you, and the opportunity to serve…

Gardening

2011-05-11T17:40:00.000-04:00

I did a bit of clean up in the gardening beds yesterday, trimmed a couple of shrubs, and dug up some dandelions. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while, but with my energy levels these days, just didn’t feel I could get to it until now. As it was, I was pretty worn out after about 10 minutes. Thankfully, I recovered better than I expected.

I’ve decided to grass over the vegetable garden this year. I did a lot of work about 8 years ago to get the soil in that section into good shape, but last year, just wasn’t well enough to plant veggies. I didn’t even plant any annuals in the back yard. The vegetable section sat fallow and grew weeds, as if to taunt me. So, I’ve decided to put it back the way it was when we arrived. The improvements will be on the other side of the sod, known only to us. The perennial gardens can take care of themselves, so I get the enjoyment without too much work.

I think it was five or six years ago, my step-mom gave me some grape hyacinth bulbs to plant. She said someone had given them to her and in two years, they had multiplied to the point of taking over her gardens. They live near Lake Huron and have very sandy soil. They have a hard time growing anything except grape hyacinths, it would seem. They have put in a lot of effort to condition the soil so their flower beds can be quite diverse.

I was disappointed for the first couple of years after planting them – they were spindly and looked on the verge of death. And they surely didn’t multiply as they had for my step-mom! So, I resigned myself to having to baby these things and never getting good results. Imagine my surprise after a year of neglect to find they are plentiful and beautiful! Maybe they like sandy conditions better than rich loam and it took them a while to acclimatise. At any rate, they were a welcome surprise.

The crocuses too this year surprised me after a year of ignoring. The hubby brings home small potted plants occasionally, just because he knows they make me happy. I can often transplant them to the back yard once they have finished blooming and they do grow – at least for a time. All the miniature roses over the years have died because our winter conditions are too harsh. It was probably about five years ago that he brought home the crocuses. I planted them and they did well for two years, then started to fade. The third spring, there were only a couple of leaves for each plant and a small flower or two among the lot of them. I expected there wouldn’t be any this year. The hubby mentioned the flowers in the back yard and when I looked, there were more crocuses than I have ever seen.

Maybe God knew I needed encouragement about my gardens this year – I don’t know. I love to garden and see the results of my labours. It is God who grows them – I am only a steward of those He has given me. Last year, I wasn’t a very good steward, and it would seem they do much better under God’s care than mine. And it made me happy and thankful to see their beautiful purple flowers.

Until next time, be kind to one another…

Humans in Butterfly World

2011-05-10T15:40:00.001-04:00

Thursday morning last week, the hubby and I visited the butterfly conservatory again. We really love it there. It is a tropical environment so it is especially nice to visit in the winter. We arrived shortly after it opened for the day and noticed there was a bus and our car but no other vehicles. I was hoping that would mean it wasn’t very crowded. The bus, however, brought a large group of high school students with cameras. I don’t know specifically if it was a photography class, or some other field trip. By the time we left, the parking lot was about half fun, and we noticed families with young children come through during our visit.

In previous visits, I have focussed mainly on the butterflies, not paying much attention to the other people. This time we sat for quite a while on one of the benches and I had a chance to observe human nature in butterfly world. There were two young men who were actually afraid of the butterflies – one was about three, and the other about 14. I was surprised. Why would anyone be afraid of a butterfly? I guess butterflies embody some form of “creepiness” in their mind like spiders do for me. The majority of the people just walked along as they would on the street, looking at the butterflies on the walls, plants, and ceiling. However, there are many butterflies that rest on the floor, and they paid them no attention. Then there were others who moved slowly, watching the floor carefully.

One of the great pleasures for me is for butterflies to land on me. Several times, I have worn a white t-shirt and that usually gets the most butterflies to land. The hubby, however, had read if you wear something bright coloured, you look like a piece of fruit and they will be attracted to you. I wore a bright pink shirt, and I did have several land on me – one while I was sitting, but two while we were walking around. We saw one young woman on whom had landed a very large butterfly – can’t remember the name of it right now but when its wings are folded, it is brown with circles on it, but the other side of the wings are an iridescent blue that is just stunning. I saw her for about half the circuit with that butterfly still sitting on her shoulder. She moved slowly and carefully, hoping not to disturb this passenger.

A young man walked along as he usually would, and showed everyone the butterfly hanging onto his track pants about at the knee. He said it had been there for at least 15 minutes. And there were some who wanted desperately for a butterfly to land on them and tried various strategies with varying success. One little girl was standing in a circle of sunshine with her arms out and her hands dropped at the wrist. Her mom told us if you stand in the sunshine, the butterflies will land. I asked if there had been any success, and she said no. I asked the little girl how long she had stood there since she looked a bit tired, and she said a long time. Others just held out a finger or hand near a plant where butterflies were sitting, but I never saw any land on the human, but rather fly off the plant. The most aggressive strategy I saw was a woman who had plucked a small flower from a plant and held it on her finger. She moved her fingers close to the butterfly’s feet, hoping she could scoop it up somehow and that the flower would entice it to sit on her hand. It just kept side-stepping her hand. She tried for quite a while, and the butterfly eventually flew away.

The one reason we sat for a while was we saw three butterflies – black with white and mauve markings – flitting about in a circle. They’d move up and down and around and around. It was like a butterfly dance, and we were captivated by the beauty of movement. We don’t know the reason for this dance, but it was intriguing to watch. One of them would get tired and land on the ground, lay flat to the ground with its wings spread. Eventually, it would raise itself up on its feet, and eventually flitter back into the dance. Once when it got tired, it landed on hubby’s leg. It stayed there for quite a while until it recovered enough to take up the dance again. We were amazed by the fragile nature of these creatures, and enjoyed spending some time in their world.

Until next time, enjoy the delicate beauty you see around you…

A Jazzy Mate

2011-05-09T17:49:00.000-04:00

decided to get another cockatiel – a female.

Jazzy has been screaming day in and day out for about six months now, and in general, has been grumpy and easily irritated. There are a couple of women at the store where we bought him who have birds of their own, including cockatiels, and are very knowledgeable. The information we have read on websites and in books can be quite contradictory. Because cockatiels haven’t been in “captivity” as long as some other species, there isn’t as much known about them. And their tame behaviour can be quite different from their wild behaviour. Since these women have cockatiels and access to active information, we value their advice.

After consulting with these women over the course of the six months of screaming, I employed strategies to modify his behaviour – actually, it modified my behaviour! And the hubby treats him differently than I do. I had to ask him to change his behaviour too for the sake of my sanity. It was difficult to just ignore Jazzy. I set his cage in the hubby’s office instead of mine and this helped some. The hubby’s hearing isn’t as good as mine so the screaming doesn’t bother him while it just seems to drill right inside my head.

We tried different toys in his cage that are meant to calm the mating anxiety. He attacked the one item, and the mirror just freaked him out at night, so we took it out. One of my pleasures with him was to give him a “berry” every morning. It was a little round treat that I would drop in his food dish. He’d get all excited for his berries. The rule: no treats! No weekly treat sticks either. I had been able to pet him without being pecked. No head scritching. Touch just raised the hormone levels and that’s what we were trying to lower.

And, after six months, the screaming got better, but not a lot. So, in talking to the women at the store, they said some birds just don’t get over the mating phase, even though most birds do. Then the decision had to be made as to whether we would sell Jazzy, or get him a mate. The hubby said it was my decision since he was my bird, and I would be doing all the extra work with a new bird. I waffled on this decision for about a month. I’ve been so run-down and tired since last Fall, I wondered how I could even think about taking in another bird. And there was the possibility of little ones along the way too. One of the store women told me if you don’t put a nest box in the cage, they won’t raise young, although the female will still likely lay eggs.

The hubby took two days off last week and we travelled to Niagara Falls overnight Wednesday. Our two favourite places – besides the Falls – are the aviary, and the butterfly conservatory. We went to the aviary Wednesday afternoon. They have a section for small birds, then a room with reptiles and a couple of other birds, then a walkway to the main aviary – a huge room with all manner of birds flying and walking, calling and eating. It really is wonderful. In the walkway leading to the main aviary room was a large cage with an African Grey Parrot, and a couple of other green birds that I don’t know what they were.

I started talking to them and the Grey responded with clicks. We stood there about 10-15 minutes and I interacted with all three birds. I walked around to the other end of the cage and the Grey followed me. He kept watching me and became annoyed when the other birds came to see me too. At one point, I started moving side to side to see if he would imitate and he did! The women at the store were amazed when I told them. I asked if that was unusual, and they said, “very.”

After my visit to the aviary I realized I had really enjoyed interacting with the birds. There is something special to me about being able to talk to and look in the eye these creatures who could very easily fly out of your range. The women at the store once saw me bump Jazzy’s beak against my nose, as I have done with him since we first got him. They gasped and told me not to do that. I asked why and they said because he would peck me. He never has. He has only draw blood from me twice in the two years we have had him and that was on the fingers. They were amazed saying that was extremely unusual. It seems I have a way with birds. I decided I couldn’t get rid of our little guy. So, after we return from our vacation later this month, we will get Jazzy a mate. The store manager is already looking for one for us. I find I’m very much looking forward to this, even though there is no guarantee the female we buy will bond with him. We bought a cage at the store on Saturday at half-price and the hubby has already set it up in my office. We still have some items to buy, but we’re basically ready – I think!

Until next time, give your pets a hug…

Chasing Garbage

2011-04-28T12:02:00.002-04:00

I dislike very strong wind and I’m not sure why. Certainly when I was a runner, although it was a strengthening experience to run into the wind, the frustration rate was very much higher. It felt like I put my all into it and just didn’t get anywhere. To me, there is also an annoyance factor in just walking in the wind. Watching someone walk in strongly gusty conditions could lead you to believe they are drunk with the way they stagger. And lately, being as low energy as I have been, it’s hard work!

Today is garbage day in our neighbourhood. Since I’m up early, I usually put the garbage out after the hubby has left for work instead of putting it out the night before. This morning was no different. At that time of day, conditions were warm and calm. It’s the first time this year that I didn’t have to wear a jacket. I put out the green box, the garbage can, and one blue box. The green box and garbage are picked up usually around 7:00 am – the blue box sometime in the afternoon.

So about 8:00 am, I brought the green box and garbage can back into the garage. The wind had increased slightly, and I wondered if I should just bring the full blue box back in too, waiting until next week for pickup. I thought it was heavy enough to stay put, so I left it out. A couple of hours later, the sounds outside that I was hearing finally dug into the recognition zone. The winds had picked up dramatically and that was the sound of blue boxes bouncing down the street. I checked ours and it was gone.

We live in a condo townhouse complex on the corner of a major roadway, and a dead end road. The back of our house faces the dead end road. Along the major roadway is a brick and fencing wall between our complex and the sidewalk. Good thing too! Today is a south wind which piled everything up against this wall. I also noticed our neighbour’s green box was missing so I walked down to the wall to rescue our boxes. At one time, we had three blue boxes but have lost one in similar conditions. It’s quite convenient to have two, so I wanted to make sure I found it. We wrote our unit number on our boxes, so I was pretty sure I’d find it. The wall had collected two green boxes, and about a dozen blue boxes – ours being one of them. And, a whole pile of recyclables.

Instead of just taking back the boxes and leaving all that garbage down there, I decided I would at least half fill our box and store it until next week. It was surprising to me that I found none of our items. Most of what remained were water bottles. On the way back with the neighbour’s green box and our half-full blue box, the wind grabbed a number of items out of the box and tossed them back where they had been. I could have gone chasing them down again, but just didn’t feel that energetic. Now I have to leave a message in our neighbour’s mailbox letting her know we have her green box.

Although this wind is irritating in my world today, the hubby phoned me to ask about it. It’s calm where he works and he said a friend told him they have shut down the Burlington Skyway because a steel truck was blown over and dropped heavy steel on nearby cars! Glad I was just picking up garbage and not out driving! There was a tornado yesterday about 90 kms/45 miles away from us, and we had a tornado touch down in the adjoining neighbourhood a few years ago. Spring. Winds not as severe as in the southern US, but still there is a need for caution in these conditions.

It is my belief based on scientific models I have read that there was no wind in the early days after Creation. The “waters above,” it is posited, acted as a canopy that filtered the sunlight, and provided moisture to the earth. There was no need for rain or clouds. After the flood, the balance of this canopy was disrupted and now it was necessary for clouds to form to water the earth. How nice such a gentle earth would have been to experience.

Until next time, love one another…

Music and Words

2011-04-21T14:05:00.001-04:00

I bought the hubby a DVD-Audio (DVD-A) of Steely Dan’s 1980 album, Gaucho. There were two singles (at least) to hits – Babylon Sister, and Hey Nineteen. The hubby likes Steely Dan, and I used to, and so I thought it would make a nice gift for him. His favourite artist is Allen Parsons, and in checking DVD-A’s for his work found them to be very much out of our price range! Steely Dan, it is. I say I used to like Steely Dan because the first DVD-A the hubby bought of theirs a while ago, I finally got listening to the words. I decided at that point I no longer liked them.

I don’t know if this is true for others – I think it is to a point – but I hear and respond to the music first, and it is at some point later that the words “sink in.” It may seem strange for a writer to not notice words. To me, writing is different than music and lyrics. I must say, I never really “got” poetry, and lyrics are poetic in nature. There is some poetry that strikes me deeply, but I guess I’m too much of a direct person to appreciate poetic subtlety all the time. For me, this phenomenon is even present with hymns. I’ve worshipped using four different Lutheran hymnals over the years, and the words are not always the same. Some hymns I have memorized over time just by singing them often enough, especially the Christmas ones. I think at this age of my life, I’m finally “seeing” the words and thinking about them.

When I was in college learning to record music, we had sessions in addition to our class times. Since most of us were musicians, we would take turns as musicians or engineers, or assistant engineers to get practice in all disciplines. I remember a number of times where I was the engineer on the musical tracks for a song. I would marvel at the musicality and musicianship and think of what lyrics I would put to something like that. So I would often follow up with the song to see what had actually been done. What a disappointment. Many times the lyrics were base or misogynist. I would “mourn the potential” for the beauty of the musical tracks and how they could have supported a much better song. Oh well.

I think this is what has disappointed me about Steely Dan. Although I think they sing a bit too much at the top end of their vocal range, the musicianship is otherwise spectacular. The engineering and mastering are top notch. I really enjoy listening to the music they record. And especially in the DVD-A format, the clarity and depth are even better than for CD. As we listened to a couple of tracks last night, these words struck me from “Hey Nineteen.” “The Cuervo Gold, The fine Colombian, Make tonight a wonderful thing.” Cuervo Gold is a high quality tequila. And, in hearing it last night, my first impression of “fine Colombian” was he was talking about cocaine. But in researching on the internet, it could refer to a cigar instead. Musicians, drugs, alcohol… seemed a natural conclusion. Assuming that is what is meant, to me it said the night would be “wonderful” if there was alcohol and drugs present. It just seemed to me to be a waste of perfectly good music.

Music on its own speaks to us too, but in different ways than the lyrics. During the season of Lent, the hymns are usually in the minor key, bringing to our thoughts sorrow over the suffering Jesus endured for us. And then Easter morning, celebratory hymns in major keys, raising joy in our hearts and, for some of us, encouraging us to sing all out in praise to our Saviour for the salvation He has won for us. Something the hubby has always done as an organist, during Lent in particular, is for minor hymns he applies a Tierce de Picardie. This is changing the last chord of a hymn from the minor chord as played in all previous verses to a major chord. To the hubby, this offers the hope of the Gospel after feeling the natural sorrow one feels upon hearing a hymn in a minor key. Tomorrow is Good Friday, and the hymns will be in the minor key, and the hubby will always “open the door a crack” to the joy and hope of Easter Sunday by adding this harmonic device to the ends of the hymns.

Until next time, feel the sorrow of your sin, and then feel the joy of your salvation…

Good Shepherd

2011-04-19T10:16:00.000-04:00

I play Farmville on Facebook. They recently added an “English Countryside” farm so I also started an English farm. You can travel between your farms and work both of them. I don’t know why I find it to be so much fun, but I do. There is enough variety to keep me interested, and I have a LOT of neighbours, which makes it easier to complete different stages and projects. I know Farmville isn’t for everyone, but there are plenty of us who really do enjoy it.

On the English farm, one is able to breed sheep. There are sheep of differing colours and patterns, and it is interesting to breed them to see what they produce. Eventually, they say they will provide a family tree of the lambs, but that feature hasn’t been added yet. I haven’t done enough breeding to see any real patterns to the outcome, so whatever I get is a surprise. I certainly have not been able to predict what I will get, except when breeding an identical ewe and ram.

Something caught my eye today as I raised a lamb to adulthood that a friend had given to me. “Mumblers's baby lamb, Ewey, is now an adult! Mumbler has been a good shepherd and is sharing some leftover baby bottles!” I have been a good shepherd? Hmmm… well I think you might know where I’m going with this one.

About 6 or 7 years ago, I taught Vacation Bible School (VBS) at our church. I’ve always liked the Biblical picture of Christians as sheep and Jesus as our Good Shepherd. And that was the theme for VBS that particular year. There were two things that stood out in my mind in preparing to teach those lessons. One: in the Middle East, sheep are not “herded” by the shepherd – only by the butcher! The shepherd talks to their sheep, so the sheep follow where the shepherd takes them as (s)he calls them along the way. Oh, and the shepherds name their sheep. The sheep get used to that name. Two: the “rod and staff” in Psalm 23 are for different things than most people think – if we think about them at all.

I had a Grade 6 class of all boys except for one girl, so I wasn’t sure how my object lessons would go over. At the dollar store, I bought enough ceramic sheep (covered in wool) for each child. I gave it to them the first day and said they could name them, but they had to take care of them. Since they were ceramic, they had to be careful with them. Wow! Those boys were so tender with their sheep! There was no damage to any of them by the end of the week! I still have mine sitting in front of my computer monitor – Sheepsy.

The second item I gave them was a “rod.” I had written in marker on them “Jesus protects us” which was the main theme of the VBS. Now, being Grade 6 boys, I had instructions for them before I gave them the rods – wooden dowelling, 15 inches by 1 inch in diameter. I said these rods were to represent how Jesus protects us. He never used the rod on the sheep, but on the enemies of the sheep. Therefore, since we are all sheep, we WILL NOT use them to beat one another. I had to remind them once in a while, but after a couple of days, they got it, and they didn’t hit anyone with them. The crook of the “staff” is to hook around the neck of an errant sheep to rescue them out of danger.

So, am I a good shepherd? On Farmville, all I did was feed the lamb, and I named it. Maybe by virtual standards, this is being a good shepherd, but it is nowhere near the standards Jesus set for us.

Until next time, take good care of one another…

Prayer Warriors

2011-04-18T17:33:00.002-04:00

My brother-in-law sent me an e-mail today and mentioned “prayer warriors,” and I realized I have never really liked that term. So, I thought about why I don’t like it.

The hubby has two brothers and one is being tested for some recent and sudden health issues. We have begun praying for him and his situation, as well as asking others to pray for him as well. It was in this context that B was talking about prayer warriors.

Now, B is a definite Type-A personality and thinks anything can be accomplished if you want it badly enough, and are forceful in making it happen. This attitude has always troubled me. There are some things always out of my ability to achieve – and so it is for everyone. I have a friend who is 4 feet, 11 inches tall and has mild cerebral palsy. She will never play for the WNBA (Women’s National Basketball Association). However, although I am 6 feet tall, I also will never play for them. It doesn’t matter how much I might have wanted to play professional basketball. When I was of the age to play, they didn’t exist – the league was only founded in 1996. A 35-year-old power forward? I’m thinking, no.

I think this is the idea I have when I hear prayer “warriors.” It makes it sound like the people praying are doing battle for the person for whom they are praying. It’s the wrong focus, to my mind. We have no power or ability to make spiritual war for anyone. Only God is able to defeat Satan and sin, and Jesus has done that for us. We had no part in that defeat. We reap the benefits. We are to be watchful, and to intercede, but the “war” is God’s. To my way of thinking, in intercession, we are pleading with God to do what we ask – if it is His Will. “Warriors” sounds to me like we’re storming the castle and taking what we want from God. WRONG! Ephesians 6:10-13 says we are to put on the whole armour of God, and once we’ve done that, to “stand firm.” Stand! Not make war.

I think the closest we get to “demanding” is to remind God of the promises He has made to us. But, even then, we’re saying, “remember when You said… well, I am standing in faith on that promise.” That type of supplication has to do with our trust that God will accomplish what He said He would. And, it is still left up to His Will as to whether that is good for us, or right for us at a particular time.

I don’t know that there is any other term I could use. In churches where we have attended, I’ve been part of prayer chains, circles, and groups. We were “members” of the “prayer group.” The Bible talks about intercession and it is also a spiritual gift. I think the term “intercessor” is more accurate of the relationship – going between the one needing prayer, and the One Who alone answers prayer. I could be all wrong on this, but it’s just the way I see it.

Until next time, take time to pray to the only true God for those in need…

A New Experience

2011-04-13T13:26:00.001-04:00

I used the Hamilton transit system for the first time today.

Now that we’re down to one car, and we need to get a seller’s kit from the Ministry of Transportation of Ontario (MTO) to sell the dead car, I decided to go on an expedition to accomplish this task. However, I was not my usual diligent self in retrieving the necessary information before setting out.

I was sure the nearest MTO office was in a plaza straight down our street. I had meant to check, but didn’t. And it wasn’t. It’s over a block. In a car, no bigs. Just turn right and head over a block. I had looked up the bus schedule for those that run north and south on our street. I figured I’d get there before the noon rush and back home within an hour and a half – at the most. Had I realized right away that the MTO office wasn’t in that plaza, I could have taken a easterly bus to the next corner. However, by the time I figured out its proper location, I would have to wait an indeterminate amount of time for the next easterly bus. From conversations with neighbours who rode the bus, the Hamilton system is extremely inefficient. A trip downtown (north) in the car is 10 minutes. By bus, it can be well over an hour. And then if you have to head any distance either east or west, who knows! Apparently, the schedules are not very well coordinated for making timely connections.

It’s a cold day today, and it is drizzling lightly. When I left the house, although it was overcast, it wasn’t raining. I regretted not taking my umbrella. And, I soon realized I was not dressed for these temperatures. I was wearing my winter coat, but not enough layers underneath. With the humidity in this part of the country, layers are good for a cold day.

My right sacroiliac joint (SI) was painful today when I got out of bed. Sometimes walking can alleviate the pain, but other times, the joint just becomes more aggravated. Guess which situation played out today! And I hadn’t taken my cane. So, as I was standing and waiting for the bus heading east, I saw there was a crowd waiting for the south bus heading back home. Cold and in pain, I decided I would try again tomorrow. Walking was quite difficult by the time I got to my front door. Before I head out tomorrow (earlier this time), I will research better, have the bus times printed out, and actually wear my watch! :-)

Buses have changed a lot since I rode them in Toronto. They are wider and seem to have more space inside. They can now lower it to accommodate wheelchairs and those who have trouble with stairs. I noticed an area of six seats near the front that flip up when necessary to accommodate wheelchairs. And, although I don’t know for sure, I think there were extra retractable seat benches for when the bus is busier. Very different than the sardine cans I rode for many years. One thing has not changed – bus suspensions! Wow. I think the jarring aggravated my SI even more. And the way the driver stomps on the brakes doesn’t help either. The hubby is talking about buying another car – a used one this time. If it’s cheap enough, we can probably afford it. I’ve become accustomed to the flexibility and ease comfort of having a car at my disposal. However, I don’t really mind riding the bus either. We’ll see how this all works out, but I think I’m probably in for another bus ride tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be better prepared.

Until next time, love one another…

Accommodation

2011-04-12T17:46:00.001-04:00

It’s interesting what a person becomes accustomed to. If change is gradual, the mind and body accommodate those changes.

We lived in “Little Italy” in Toronto in the early 90s. We had the main floor and basement of a house, while a woman about our age lived upstairs. We were all allowed to use the back yard, but Upstairs Woman didn’t really use it. She moved in shortly before we did and we met and got to know each other a bit. There was a wrought-iron railing on the porch with two wrought-iron planters attached. Upstairs Woman bought a plant for each of the planters. One was a Ficus and the other a Gerber Daisy. The hubby called the daisy a “Chernobyl Dandelion” – you might guess he didn’t like it much.

In talking to Upstairs Woman, she said she probably wouldn’t take very good care of them, so I watered and cared for them. She decided they needed names so we called the Daisy, Louise, and the Ficus, Herbert. When she moved, although she had bought them, she said we could keep them. Louise only lasted a few years, but we still have Herbert – and he’s big and healthy! He almost died once when we moved on a bitter January day, but I nursed him back to health and he’s taking up a LOT of space in our living room.

OK, so what does any of this have to do with accommodation? I trimmed Herbert last week. Wow! I couldn’t believe how much more light came in through the window afterward! I didn’t think I trimmed all that much off him, but it was the thickest part, I guess. I had just gotten used to the lower light levels and it was only with a drastic change that I noticed there had been a gradual one.

I have found the same to be true of pain. I broke my tailbone four times between the ages of 10 and 17. I won’t go into details at this point about how it broke. Starting in 1998, I went to a naturopath who developed “positional release therapy” (PRT). He said that when bones were broken, the soft tissue becomes scarred and pulls other soft tissue out of place, and can twist other bones to compensate for the weakness. By using PRT on the bones, and scar tissue dissolving techniques, he was able to relieve the pain in my tailbone – as well as correct other issues that plagued me. I was astounded! I had no idea my tailbone hurt. If someone asked me, I would have said no. There was a spot in my back that hurt all the time, but not the tailbone. Once the pain was gone, I realized it had always been there. My mind and body had just gotten used to it – had accommodated it.

So in thinking about these things, I also thought of how this can apply to our spiritual life. We think, “well, I’ll miss church just this once because I’m tired/have a function/have to work/have to study/having family over for lunch” – whatever the reason. Done once, it becomes easier to do it again. Sometimes I skip my morning devotions – especially when I have a migraine or am feeling really tired. “Oh, well, I’ll just miss this morning, and I’ll catch up tomorrow.” Tomorrow has it’s own excuse, and the day after. Sometimes, I do just miss one day, but too often, it’s a longer period of time. Thankfully, I miss it when I have not done my devotions for too long. Maybe it’s God nudging me. Sometimes I have found that particular morning’s reading was exactly what I needed to know for my life situation.

I don’t really have a conclusion in all this. Just observations today. I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Until next time, give glory to God in all things…

Dead Car

2011-04-11T17:56:00.002-04:00

Our 2002 blue Saturn SL1 is dead. It died quite suddenly and unceremoniously.

The hubby asked me if I wanted to go with him to the bank and, feeling lazy and already well engrossed by Facebook, I said no. So, off he went to deposit a cheque and to buy some milk. A while later the phone rang and it was the hubby. He said he was at Speedy Auto Service and could I pick him up. He told me the car wouldn’t run and it was likely that the engine was toast. Apparently he made it all the way to the bank, but had been hearing a ticking noise in the engine. By then, he also noticed reduced power, so instead of going into the bank, he took the car to Speedy. They phoned today and said the engine was quite wrecked.

It gave us no warning. There were no maintenance lights lit in the dash. It just suddenly started ticking and had low power, and that was it. We live on a unique geological feature known as an escarpment. The upper part of our city is about 280 yards above the lower part. The roadways traversing this escarpment are quite steep. The bank hubby was visiting is in the lower city, while we live in the upper city. The hubby wasn’t sure the car would make it back up the “hill.”

When the Speedy manager gave us a quote on installing a used engine, we decided not to spend the money. It only had 140,000 km/84,000 miles. We’ve driven cars to 360,000 km/216,000 miles and then sold them because they were still in such good shape. But this one has given us problems from Day One. Under warranty, we’ve replaced the universal joint, three tie-rod ends, and two wheel cylinders. After the warranty expired, we’ve replaced the another wheel cylinder and two more tie-rod ends. For years, no one could figure out why in the winter the car wouldn’t kick down off fast idle. We wasted a lot of fuel driving on the highways, not realizing it was in fast-idle. Just a couple of months ago, someone finally replaced a sensor and it stopped doing it. The hubby always said this car was built on a Friday at 5. So, to put another engine into a car that has given us so many other problems seemed like a complete waste of money – money we cannot afford to throw away for the convenience of a second vehicle.

We still have our “little red jellybean,” as some people have taken to calling it. :-) Our 2-1/2-year-old Hyundai Accent has given us absolutely no trouble. We have owned other Saturns and were very satisfied with them. We thought buying new would ensure the car lasted, especially given how well we maintain them. Not the case with this one. We hope our Accent gives us many care-free years.

We’re not really emotional about this change in vehicle situation. I think neither of us really “bonded” with this car because it gave us so many problems. I will admit that I cried when we saw our first Saturn for the last time before the new owner picked it up. And, I will probably cry when Jellybean moves on from our family. I know… dumb. And I surely can’t explain attachment to an inanimate object. It may comfort you to know I cried much harder when the cat died. :-)

So now we get used to having only one car – which will be a bit of a challenge. We will, however, enjoy the lower insurance expense. Every penny in this household is precious. And, one of the Speedy mechanics now has a car he can fix to replace the one that just died on him. He lives quite a distance from work, and they have two small children. And he knows the service record by looking in their computers, and he can work on any problems himself. Better that he can use it than having it towed to the wrecker.

Until next time, enjoy and appreciate those material blessings God has given you…

Mi“grain”e

2011-03-31T09:21:00.002-04:00

In an effort to avoid the pain and health issues related to migraines, I have changed the way I eat since almost all of my migraines are caused by food sensitivities.

At the beginning of 2009, I caught a parasite, even though I didn’t have that confirmed until September, 2010. The parasites changed how my body dealt with foods, and I became sensitive to more foods. By last summer, it seemed foods I had been able to eat were suddenly causing migraines, but not every time I ate them. Frustrating. And then the issue of restricting my intake to a relatively small number of food meant I was not getting the variety I needed. This meant that when I ate too much of a previously OK food, my body would react to “too much of a good thing.” Some days, I only ate meat – I can almost always tolerate meat.

Once the parasites were gone, I realized that, although my system was better, I still was having too many migraines and other health issues, and I still wasn’t gaining weight. I went to a new naturopath to see if he could give me answers my regular naturopath didn’t seem to have. He saw signs of problems and changed my health regimen. It seems to be working, although very slowly.

One thing he changed was my food. I have been following the “Eat Right 4 Your Type” (ER4YT) diet since 1998, and I noticed a big change in my health. When I eat the things I shouldn’t, I pay! A few years ago, my naturopath suggested the “Low Oxylate” diet to reduce the amount of inflammation in my body, thereby reducing my joint pain levels. Wow, did that make a big difference. The new naturopath suggested I don’t follow the Low Oxylate diet as stringently, but to still avoid foods I know cause problems. He wanted me to broaden the variety of my diet in an effort to improve my health and help me gain weight.

I’ve known since my 20s of my wheat allergy and have eaten it very sparingly since then. In trying other grains over the years – amaranth, quinoa, buckwheat, barley, millet – I still found I couldn’t eat much without problems. The ER4YT diet suggests that for the O blood type there are no beneficial grains. They are either neutral – meaning they should be eaten occasionally for the minerals they contain – or avoided altogether. Instead of grains, I have increased the variety and amount of nuts I eat. Many of the same minerals are found in both grains and nuts. I have lived happily like this for many years.

The new naturopath also suggested I eat more grains. I have found when I get really hungry and nothing else seems to satisfy, I eat a serving or two of rice and the hunger is sated. He suggested the only way I will be able to regain the weight is to eat more grains. So, since the beginning of February, I have been trying more grains than just rice. I like cooked millet so I started with that. And I tried amaranth. I seemed to recall buckwheat was a bad idea for me, so I haven’t tried that, and I thought I also recalled quinoa caused trouble too. Thought I would go with the safe ones first.

Well, it would appear that for me, there is no real “safe” grain. Thursday for dinner, I made another pot of millet, and boy did I suffer! In the middle of the night I awoke with a migraine that did not leave until late Monday morning. Boo! And, although a serving or two of rice doesn’t cause too much trouble, I ate it too soon after the millet. I had a migraine and stomach cramps again this morning. The migraine, thankfully, has mostly left, but the digestion will likely be cranky for a couple more days. Although I have regained some weight, these migraines take off a few pounds too. Three ahead, one back. At least I have been able to reintroduce a greater variety of veggies and fruit – and that is hopeful. I think I’ll continue to avoid the grains.

Until next time, thank God for all the wonderful foods He has provided for us...

Left Hand, Right Hand

2011-03-29T17:59:00.002-04:00

There are many events in my childhood that, in remembering them, didn’t make much sense. Once I understood my mother’s drunkenness, some of those events became a little clearer. One instance, however, never made sense. One morning, my mother got me out of bed to go to school – I was in Grade 1. It was quite dark outside, so I would say it was probably late October or early November. When I started school a few months earlier, I was very excited and eager to embark on this new adventure. My grandmother had bought me some pretty dresses for school – one yellow, one blue, and one pink.

This particular morning, I was wearing the pink one. I was sitting on the edge of my bed brushing my hair looking into the dresser mirror. My mother came into the room, got angry (and I never remembered why), grabbed the brush out of my hand and smacked me across the mouth with it, splitting my lip and getting blood on my pink dress. Not only did it really hurt, but I was angry that now, because I didn’t have another clean dress, I couldn’t go to school.

It was shortly after that my mother left our household, and my great-aunt – we called her “mom” – came to live with us. She had me help her in many household chores, like ironing and sweeping. She would always comment on how I was holding the broom or the iron the wrong way. Everyone always commented on how I tied my shoes – backward to them. So, I learned that if the broom or iron felt “right” in my hand, I must be doing it wrong, so I’d switch.

Jump ahead to my College years. Because my high school marks were bad, I did not qualify for acceptance into the program of choice. I took a year of General Arts (GASP) to improve my grades, and that proved to be a good idea. A year later, I was accepted into the music program I wanted. While in GASP (yes, we joked about this being the “last gasp” of our education), I took a psychology course. In it, we were to prepare seminars to present to the rest of the class. One of my classmates presented the topic of learning disabilities. I had never heard of them, and was fascinated. I discovered I had a mild organizational learning disability. Later I discovered this particular disability can be caused by a change in handedness. I asked my dad and his sister if I had ever been left-handed. They both thought about it for a moment, and then said, rather puzzled, “well, yes, you were.” They had honestly never thought about it, but realized I was.

Wow! What a revelation! In investigating how I changed from left-handedness to right-handedness, it was said to me that my mother was extremely superstitious, and that was probably her reason for changing me to being right-handed. By the time I went to school, my school teacher – 1 year from retirement – continued the process of converting me, and when Mom came, she didn’t even know I had been left-handed and thought I was just inept. She was just trying to teach me the way to do it that worked. And when I thought about my recounting of the hairbrush story, I realized every time I told it, I motioned myself brushing my hair with my left hand! Weird.

Once I discovered all this, I tried for a time to do some things with my left hand again – eating and writing. I did adopt eating with my left hand sometimes, but I never could get the writing down. I had always been “ambidextrous” as my dad is also. I found I was also “left-footed” in sports. Then, last October, I started a few months of counselling for some emotional issues that had popped up again relating to my childhood. Suddenly, after a couple of months, I realized I was doing more things left handed. It was a shock to me! I told my counsellor, and she said, “healing in many ways.” Wow. I hadn’t thought of ever returning to left-handedness, nor that it would represent a form of healing. Since I first noticed it, the trend has continued. I still haven’t tried writing, but when I start my online drawing lessons, I will at least try some drawing with my left hand. I find using my left hand is natural, and in many cases, I do a better job with the left hand!

My childhood has damaged me emotionally. This is not self-pity, but just a statement of fact. God has taken that damage and sculpted me into the person I am today, and will continue His work until I pass from this life. Just like a broken bone can never be made whole again, so the emotional break can never be completely healed. But, just as the bone is stronger at the point of the break, my emotions in some ways are stronger because of my trials. And certainly the spiritual training through trials has been intense, and rewarding. I will never be completely left-handed again – at least I would highly doubt it. Yet to have “healed” back to some form of left-handedness again is also God’s working in my life. I don’t entirely understand what it represents, but it doesn’t matter. It proves to me God is working on me, and that’s enough.

Until next time, appreciate the uniqueness of everyone in your life…

Screaming Bird

2011-03-28T15:12:00.001-04:00

OK, so if I had known this time in Jazzy’s life was coming, I probably would not have bought him.

Although a cockatiel reaches maturity at one year, their full peak is at two years. They want a mate, and they spend a lot of time demanding one. He started screaming last fall – late October, I think. I think I’ve mentioned before the connection my family has with animals – an ability to “feel” what they are feeling when they vocalize. There is one of Cookie’s yowls that just rips me to the core. I thought everyone was like that, but I asked the hubby once if he felt that way and he said no.

Anyway, Jazzy gets really worked up sometimes with his screaming and with both him and Cookie, I have tried to keep them as calm as possible. We were told it’s better for their health if they have a calm atmosphere. So, to quiet Jazzy, I covered his cage with a fitted cover in the hopes he would calm down. He did… for a while. Then he started screaming even while covered. And, he learned a new habit – aggression. He’d try to peck me through the cage whenever I came near. Well, that was worse than screaming and agitation. So, we haven’t used the cover since then.

The store manager where we bought Jazzy has several birds of the parrot family, one of which is a cockatiel. She informed us this is just a stage he is going through and suggested two items we should purchase to help calm him down. Neither of them worked. And she said that somewhere along the way, he has learned he gets attention if he screams. So, we have to ignore him when he screams and only give him attention when he’s not screaming. Wow! That is so tough to do! He sits in my office, and it wasn’t long before the screaming just got too much to ignore. I moved his cage into the hubby’s office and let him scream. It has been months and he still screams for at least portions of each day.

There was improvement last week. I sighed, thinking the end of this “phase” was finally in sight. But, no. I moved his cage back into my office, and within a couple of hours, he started screaming again, non-stop. He’s back in the hubby’s office. And I fear I may have to give up on bird ownership.

He really is a sweet little bird. He chatters away when he’s happy. He’s curious and intelligent, and when he snuggles up to my neck and preens my hair, the bond I have with this little creature strengthens. There are times his screams are just an “answer” to some music I am playing, or the birds chattering outside. And in all this time of listening to his displeasure, I have recognized his moods. He has a special scream for the hubby. It runs something like, “I know she’s heartless and can ignore me, but surely you’ll come an give me what I want. Please?” OK, so I have a vivid imagination. There is definitely a pleading tone to it. The hubby was going to go see him, and I yelled at him – STOP! I could see all the work I had done through the week going down the tubes by him paying attention to the little bird at the wrong time. He’s been really good about working with me on adjusting Jazzy’s behaviour.

Some changes have happened with Jazzy since this grumpy time has started. When we do pay attention to him, he isn’t as happy for as long. He also doesn’t chatter as much. He also gets aggressive more quickly, even though it’s not as often these days as it was a couple of months ago. I truly hope these are not permanent changes. I really want to keep him, but there are days when I actively imagine taking him and all his belongings back to the store and not even asking for a refund. And I realize God can use many teachable moments to help me grow in patience.

As I was writing this, Jazzy was sitting in the next room, screaming his yellow little head off. And then, he started chattering away happily. It was almost like he know I was “talking” about him. So I brought him out of his cage to sit with me for a while. Progress?

Until next time, take good care of the people and pets in your lives…

Writing and Editing

2011-03-25T11:26:00.002-04:00

Lately, I’ve been thinking about whether I have enough writing to compile into a book or two. It would be nice to have a bit of income, and I had a lot of fun doing the first book in 2000. And in checking through all my miscellaneous writing, I realized I’ve written quite a bit! Even this blog which I started in 2006 has over 200 entries. I’ve been writing for the Tapestry for over two years now and I could compile those articles into a book – not sure if I will or not. Thanks D for sending me the email requesting Tapestry writers!

The bulk of my writing has been lessons to teach teen Bible classes. That’s going to be a BIG job pulling all that together into some order. I have more than enough material for a 4-year curriculum – 160 lessons total! In looking at some of the lessons again, I thought, “wow, these are going to need work!” At the time, I thought they were pretty well written, but, no. That’s a good thing. The purpose of this blog was to hone my writing skills and just keep up the practice. It seems the skills are better, even if I don’t post here as much as I intended. So, not only will I have to compile the lessons, but read each of them thoroughly to see what should change.

I also intended with that series to write a “parent’s lesson” to go with each student lesson. That way, the parents could learn right along with their teen, and it would foster discussion at home. In my teaching experience, I discovered most kids leave somewhere around 16 years of age because what they’re hearing in the classroom doesn’t match what they’re hearing at home. And, teachers, never think you have more influence in their lives than their parents, even if they seem at odds with them at this point in their lives. An additional factor is the parents’ Bible knowledge often remains at confirmation level, so their children surpass their knowledge by about age 16. If we can keep the parents learning too, the discussions at home will continue to grow the faith of both teen and parent. So, in putting out this series, there will be the student guide, the parent guide, and the leader guide. That’s going to take some time to accomplish. I think I’ll start with smaller projects first.

Since I had my own publishing company, and also acted as an editor for several different projects, I have the unique ability to see writing from a different perspective. Writing is often very personal. It often reflects what we think and how we feel, even if we don’t really intend it to do so. This means sometimes we get a little too attached to our writing, especially if it was hard-fought to get it onto paper. Editors have to be tough and tender at the same time. Writers can be a very delicate breed, as with all artists. There are times when the writing needs major rewriting for various reasons. Sometimes, the grammar is terrible. Sometimes, the point just cannot be found. Writers sometimes have bad habits and use words repeatedly in an inappropriate context. It is better for the writer if these habits are broken, but if the editor is too harsh in making the point, the writer will feel attacked. Editors are a writer’s best friend. Between the two of them, they are making the writing better. In the case of commercial works, this means increased sales for the writer. And especially with Christian writing, those who do doctrinal reviews are very valuable. Maybe it’s because I’ve taught teens all these years “with fear and trepidation,” the last thing I want to do is lead one of these lambs astray. Doctrinal review helps keep us on the right track, and our writing free from those thoughts that stray from Scriptural truth.

OK, this blog didn’t turn out the way I thought it would. However, maybe it gives you a glimpse into the craft of writing and some of the processes. Hope you’re not bored!

Until next time, love one another…

Is it Spring? Winter? It’s Spring in Canada

2011-03-24T12:30:00.000-04:00

Well, the calendar tells us it is Spring, but yesterday’s snow storm tries to convince us it is still Winter. Last week, before Spring officially started, the weather was slightly above average – 4 degrees Celsius – and all the snow had melted. I was wearing shoes, but not naive enough to put away my boots. This week, although the average is 6, the high will not venture above freezing for the next 4 days, even though it will be nice and sunny.

It seems this Winter has been long and cold. However, the meteorologists tell us the snowfall was below average, although higher than the past couple of years. They also tell us the temperatures were pretty much seasonal. They attribute this “feeling” to the lack of a January thaw. Well, we did have a one-day thaw and then back to extreme temperatures again. It’s those continuous cold days without a break that wear on the mind. Apparently, the below-seasonal temperatures are supposed to continue until late Spring.

March 21st to June 20th. Spring. Those of us who live here can all recall snowstorms in April, and I think most of us can recall 30 degree Celsius temperatures in early June. Around here, that also means humidity in the 90 percent range. Spring in Canada is not for the faint of heart!

Just in my lifetime, there have been recorded instances of snow somewhere among the provinces in every month of the year. I don’t think we’ve had snow in Southern Ontario in July, but I could be wrong on that. Then there are the Territories to consider. With a short growing season and 24-hour days in the summer, that’s almost a whole other country.

Canada is a beautiful country with so many different regions, from desert to rainforest. We have world-class cities and portions of dense population, and then many, many areas of wide open space with no other person to be seen. We share with the US the unique features known as the Great Lakes, and the Rocky Mountains. In travelling by train in late 2009 with foreign travellers, by the time we came to Manitoba, they were pretty sick of all the trees that cover Northern Ontario. From what I have seen of Canada, I love the scenery. But at times like this, in Spring, I really wish we lived in a warmer location.

Our neighbours around the corner came to Canada from Saudi Arabia to provide a better life for their children. They were originally from northern Pakistan near the Afghani border, and after his work-term in Saudi Arabia came to an end, they knew they could not return home because of the fighting. They came to Canada instead – but they came in early January! Wow! To go from 40 degrees to -25 in one plane ride must have been brutal. She said they froze the first winter, and it was a particularly cold winter that year. But they got it out of the way, and she said every winter since then has been much easier to handle. I guess if you get the worst of it out of the way right off the top, then the rest seems easy. And, although their life is tough right now with illness and lack of work, they don’t regret moving here. Their sons are safe and receiving an education they could not have had in Pakistan. Taking that into consideration, it seems I’m whining.

Until next time, stay warm, and enjoy the beauty of the world God has given us…

Fraud!

2011-03-23T12:13:00.000-04:00

For those who don’t believe God is involved in their lives day-to-day and in every detail, I challenge them with this story.

When the Mastercard bill arrived yesterday, we discovered we had been victims of credit card fraud. There was a charge for almost $2,500 from an airline that we did not purchase. About 10 days ago, we went to the market to pick up our butchers order of lamb. It cost over $1,000 and I knew we had the headroom on the card to charge it. It was a couple of days before the payment of $1,600 was due, and with our credit limit of $5,000, figured we were OK. Our card was declined. Although we have had occasional trouble with Mastercard on the speed with which they process the payments, putting a freeze on the card sometimes, I knew this could not be the case this time since the due date was still a few days away. I was puzzled but we put it on another card and headed home. We tried it again to pay for dinner and it went through.

The statement came yesterday and I was surprised by the balance and immediately checked to see if the payment had gone through. It was then that I saw the airline purchase. The transaction date was one day before we bought the meat, and the last item posted before the statement was processed and sent out. So, I called the credit card company to find out what we could do. I must give much praise to President’s Choice Financial (PCF). They were so helpful, and their banking and credit products are so cost effective. As far as I know, they are only available in Canada.

Once the help desk determined this to likely be fraud, he passed me on to the security division. They said they will send out a form for us to fill out and once we have returned it, they will reverse the charge. And, we’re getting new cards. This is slightly annoying because there are a couple of automatic payments go to the card, we’ll be a few days without our main credit card, although we have a VISA we can use, and I now have to memorize a new number (well, I don’t “have” to), but all this was relatively painless.

Here’s where I see God’s administration in this situation. We’re cheap! Well, frugal, I suppose. And, although the Canadian banking system has in this global economic crisis proved to be robust, we resent having to pay such high fees for any banking service. We switched to President’s Choice quite a few years ago. They have no fee bank accounts, and for a while, also had a business division, also with no fee accounts. There are a few limitations since it is a virtual bank, however, we have never had any problems with them, and like being able to keep our money in our own pockets, only paying when we actually buy a service beyond regular banking. The credit card is a no-fee and the annual interest rate is among the lowest.

When we first got the card, they kept raising the credit limit arbitrarily. This is not good for the credit rating, and we mostly just use it for tracking some purchases for income tax purposes, and pay it off completely every month. It’s really just a convenience. So the hubby, although he had to ask several times, convinced them we only wanted a $5,000 credit limit. That’s all we need. And we think it was this that saved us from the fraudster charging many more expensive purchases to our card before we knew about it. They ran into the same headroom limit we did at the market. God is good. That we had trouble at the market caused me to wonder, and I think that was also a sign of God’s working.
Other signs of God:
• this purchase was the last on the statement. We had 30 days to contest it, and that time would have passed by the next statement.
• had we not seen this purchase this time, the fraudster could have waited until we unknowingly paid the bill, and then added another several thousand in purchases.
• of all the years we have had credit cards, this is the first time there has ever been fraud.
• if the purchase had been at, say, Future Shop, we may have had a more difficult time defending fraud. But we would never have used this airline, and the number of places this airline travels from Canada are very few, and we have never had an interest in travelling to such places.
• our marriage is a good and honest one. Although I asked the hubby if he had made this purchase, I knew he hadn’t. We can trust each other not to “blow the budget” on items we haven’t discussed first. I said this to the call centre guy. He hears all kinds of things, and he doesn’t know if we’re a recently separated couple, and each is trying to stick it to the other. So happy we’re not that couple.

Was God active in this situation? I choose to believe He was. It has His caring touch.

PCF has sent mail inserts advertising identity theft protection and I’ve considered it. God protected us this time, but is this a nudge to get us to buy that protection? Again, we’re cheap! And that’s a few dollars more per month that goes out the door. Not sure. But I will definitely consider it!

Until next time, use intelligence and caution with your finances, and then don’t worry; trust God to carry you…

Bunny Tracks

2011-02-14T15:30:00.000-05:00

Although it is necessarily small, I like our back yard. In the summer, the hibiscus and Rose of Sharon are big enough to provide some shade, and the roses are large, colourful, and smell wonderful. The raspberries in season add some nice colour, as do the morning glory, and various other assorted flowers. In the winter, we put out the bird feeder and watch all the different kinds of birds find sustenance. And then there is the group of mourning doves who sit napping atop the fence between our house and the neighbour’s.

This winter the squirrels have been more abundant and more active. Their nest is near the top of a neighbouring tree, and they jump off the tree to the fence which runs behind the eight units in our building block. First they chase each other one direction, then one of them turns around and they chase each other all back the other direction. I can identify four of them, but I’m sure there are more. They stop once in a while to eat from what has fallen to the ground from the feeder. We’ve managed to arrange it so they can’t reach the feeder directly, or there would be nothing for the birds!

A couple of summers ago, we discovered a small rabbit was visiting and eating the bottom leaves of the rose bush. It wasn’t long before he discovered our bean plants and ate all of them! And the tops off about 1/3 of our carrots. I can’t remember what I did but eventually he tired of my harassment and left us alone. This winter, he decided our back yard was a great place to live. The hubby shovels the back stairs and a walkway to the feeder, but the rest of the snow is left where God puts it. So bunny’s tracks are becoming more well-worn as the winter progresses. Every morning, there are more “pellets” in one particular spot. We don’t see him much during the day, but early in the morning, sometimes we see him digging in the snow to get what has dropped from the bird feeder. These times become “awww” moments.

The rabbits in our area are mostly cottontail. We have some jack rabbits, but I don’t think there are too many other species here. We’ve seen cottontails in our neighbourhood, and a couple of kilometres away, I have seen jackrabbits bounding across the field. We noticed, however, that this one is a dwarf species. We had a Netherland dwarf rabbit as a pet and in researching the breed, discovered the “dwarf” species can be identified by their short ears. Our back yard bunny has the colouring of a cottontail, except for the white on the underside of the tail, but he has short ears. I guess maybe he was a family pet and escaped and they never found him. I have no way to tell them he is doing well in our back yard.

Sometimes, we notice there are no birds around the feeder. Especially in the middle of a nice day, it catches our attention. Then we start searching the area for the local hawk. We have seen remnants of his activities in the past, and it makes us sad that the world operates by killing and eating. And it would seem the eating is good in our area too. We first “met” him when he was barely out of the nest, and now he is full-grown and BIG! We just hope he never gets “our” bunny.

Until next time, enjoy the beauty of nature, which God has given us…

Grocery Line Conversation

2011-02-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

I had an enlightening experience in the grocery line the other morning. I have mentioned before that I had parasites – thank the Lord, they are gone! However, over the course of the two years since I first got them, I lost a total of 34 lbs. I was at my ideal weight before this weight loss so, to me, I am very much too thin. Many people have told me they agree.

Since I was a young child, I’ve been measured on the light side for my height. Growing up in the 60s and 70s, educational experimenting was conducted at our school. I’m quite glad they had all those experiments. For reasons I will discuss another time, I benefited greatly from some of them. Ours was a country school, so we had dentists, optometrists, public health nurses, and audiologists come to our school, usually once each per year. It was determined from an early age according to the Body Mass Index (BMI) that I was at the bottom of the healthy range. Considering my childhood and the mistreatment and improper nutrition, this was no surprise to us. And, even as an adult, my BMI has remained at 19. I think the range has changed a bit because now they list it as between 20 and 22. When I was in my early 20s, it was between 19 and 23.

At the moment, it is 17.4. The site I found for the calculation says I’m “underweight” (no kidding!), and that I’m in the “less than 2 percentile.” I had to read what that means. If you are in the 50 percentile, you are average. If you are in the 90 percentile, you are 90 percent heavier than the average population. So, this says I weigh less than 2 percent of the average population! Yikes!

Back to the grocery store line. In an effort to gain weight, I have been eating as much fat as I can – I leave the fat on the meat I cook, and eat most of it, I eat nuts, and I microwave about ½ lb of feta cheese for breakfast every morning. Sometimes I also eat several handfuls of nuts with it. I had run out of feta so ran over to the grocery store across the corner and picked up two 400 gram (approx. 1 lb) containers of cheese. The lady ahead of me was even thinner than I, and the one behind me was not overly heavy, but on the high end of the healthy range, I was thinking.

The woman ahead of me asked what I was going to do with all this feta, and then rambled on about all the things you could do with it, and I didn’t really feel like telling her that would last me for breakfast for four days. So, I just agreed with her, hoping she’d drop it. She didn’t. So I told her what I did with it, and that I have health issues and was trying to gain weight. The lady behind me said she thought I was a perfect size and didn’t need to gain weight. My jaw dropped! I said, “really?” She said, maybe it’s your height, but you look proportional. I asked if she knew the BMI scale and she said yes, and I told her I was 17.4. The woman ahead said, “oh, well, that’s not unhealthy… I’m 15.” Again, jaw on floor! What is the matter with these people? I told the woman behind me I thought she was actually in the right range and she said she was 22, which I confirmed to her was exactly in the right range.

We are so used to seeing such skinny people on our tvs that it no longer looks unhealthy. I like to watch the show Bones. Everyone makes such a big deal about Booth (David Boreanaz) and what a “hunk” he is and fit and muscular. I look at him and constantly think how skinny he is – he looks unhealthy to me. These attitudes are not likely to ever change either. The entertainment industry is such a big part of our society and has such influence, it won’t be until more of them get brave enough to actually appear as healthy-sized people. Until that time, I’m going to continue to try to regain 30 more lbs! Normal range, here I come!

Until next time, don’t obsess about weight – take care of your health…

My Absence and Return

2011-02-03T12:58:00.000-05:00

Well, it would seem I’m back to blogging. My last post in September talked about discovering I had parasites. I go for the next blood test tomorrow to see if we’ve made any progress in eradicating them. I’m thinking not. The natural supplement that would ordinarily be used would likely cause constant migraines. However, over the past two years, I’ve lost 34 lbs, and can’t seem to regain, no matter how much food I eat! I’m in an unhealthy weight range and it has been taxing to my system. Not sure what we’re going to do, but something has to change.

Since about mid-October, my energy levels took a nosedive, as they have for several years now. I don’t know why this happens, but this year has been the most severe. I’ve really had to learn to NOT do stuff, and just rest. This has been very difficult for me, however, I am learning. This Fall, I finally resigned myself to the non-working crowd – not even part-time, from home. This has been a bit sad for me, but it has also released me to think of what else I might do when I feel well. More on that in a moment.

I think I’ve mentioned I’ve also been going through some emotional struggles for about 1-1/2 years trying to figure out some issues from my abusive childhood. I had been working through it on my own, but finally recognized I needed to have help in putting these things into perspective. Lutherwood in Cambridge is a fantastic place, and I cannot say enough good things about them. I was paired with a Christian counsellor, and went to 11 sessions. They adjusted the pay rate to what we could afford, which helped tremendously. I had 6 people praying for me for each session, and God moved mightily during this time using this avenue for healing. I still have issues to work out, but I do feel so much better now, and again feel like I can engage in life in a more productive way.

One of the things I rediscovered about myself is my artistic nature. I was one of those kids who made up songs while playing in the yard in the summer. My grandma used to make macaroni art with me. I spent the winter months – whenever it was too severe for us to play outside – drawing all kinds of things. I always did well in art class in elementary school. But in my family, practicality was revered and creativity was not. I laugh when I think about this because my grandfather was a great photographer, and how he reconciled that purely artistic hobby with practicality, I’ll never know. My aunt uses her creativity to produce stunning church banners – even one for the national Lutheran Church Canada convention a number of years ago. And, maybe that is more practical than artistic. So in my mid-teens, I set aside my artistic expression for more practical pursuits.

But my writing always gets such positive comments. There are times I’m sure I’ve gone the wrong direction on something and seek correction, and yet any corrections are minor. This has always surprised me. I have finally come to realize the depth of the gift God has given to me. To Him be the glory! I’ve also recently restarted my drawing. I’m not very good yet, but I found an online course I hope will help. I have done a few pieces, and the hubby was amazed at how good the one drawing was. I may never get to be “really” good, but I will do it for the enjoyment, and hopefully will touch people through my drawing too. I know people have “met God” through my photography, so maybe there is another avenue to touch people’s hearts and faith. And by expressing myself artistically, I have also seen emotional healing, and that is something I can really use! God is good.

So, again, I rededicate myself to keeping up with my blog writing, as well as other writing. Sorry to have left you all for so long.

Until next time, love one another…

Happy Presentation Day

2011-02-03T12:53:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was “Groundhog Day” in North America. I had no idea why it was called Groundhog Day, or its origin. I read the entry on Wikipedia and, although the origins of the day have varied explanations, basically it seems it was used as a way to clear up conflicts over the beginning of Spring, which differs between the Gregorian and Julian calendars. Yeah. Who cares?

The basic premise is a groundhog comes out of its hole, and if the sun is shining and it sees its shadow, it retreats into its den for another six weeks of winter. If it is cloudy, the groundhog will stay out signifying an early spring. Really? OK, so yesterday, there was a big snow storm in Ontario and Wiarton Willie didn’t see his shadow because there was too much snow blowing around. In Alberta, North Carolina, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York, Colorado, and Maryland, the groundhog saw his shadow. I haven’t paid close attention to this over the years, but it seems to me we generally have at least 6 more weeks of winter around here anyway. The first day of Spring is 7 weeks after February 2 so, what’s the big deal? We’ve had snow storms early in April, which is about 9 weeks. Maybe I’m a bit jaded about this, I don’t know.

To my mind, there’s a bigger issue here. Let’s do a bit of counting. How many days are there between December 25 and February 2? Hmm… 40, perhaps? To all us Christians out there, does that number trigger in you some recollection of the original celebration for February 2?

Luke 2:22-40 relates the story of Jesus’ presentation at the temple. A devout man named Simeon was led by the Spirit to go to the Temple because the Messiah would be there. He had been promised he would not die until he had seen the Messiah. Upon seeing the Christ Child, he blessed God saying, “Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and for glory to your people Israel.” (ESV) How many of you sang the liturgy in your head when you read those words? Anna the Prophetess was also in the Temple and praised God for His Gift to His people – the fulfilment of His promise to save us.

So, why don’t we celebrate it in our churches? Why are we making a big deal out of some inaccurate prediction of the start of Spring based on a rodent? My theory is that the world has walked away from those “scary” Christian faith observances, and have chosen to replace it with something pagan and meaningless in an attempt to get the populace to forget about their sin and need for the Saviour presented on that day. Sin makes people uncomfortable. The groundhog is a similar symbol to Santa, the jolly gift giver, who has replaced the loving God Who gave the ultimate gift, or the Easter Bunny who gives eggs and chocolate instead of Jesus Who gave His life so we may spend eternity with Him. It just makes me sad, I guess, that what the world is looking for has been cut out of societal mention. Jesus is now only found inside the doors of the church, it would seem. Maybe we could get our churches to consider celebrating Presentation Day again? Again, maybe I’m a bit jaded, but I’m not holding my breath.

Until next time, Happy Presentation Day…

Some Health Answers

2010-09-13T11:41:00.001-04:00

Friday, I went for a blood test. It’s called “Live Cell Analysis.” The practitioner pricks your finger for a small blood sample to be viewed under a microscope. The practitioner looks at the blood, and there is a video hookup so the person whose blood is being tested can see it too. The practitioner explains the meaning of what is being shown.

The practitioner (S) I went to also runs an organic market and farm which specializes in organic meat. As I have had difficulties since the beginning of last year, we have talked about my problems and possible causes for it. For a while, I was having migraines from all meat at her market except for lamb. We determined I was allergic to corn-fed meat, and soy-fed. I cut back to only lamb for quite a while. Eventually, I tried other meats again, and can now eat beef and turkey as well. Chicken still causes me trouble.

S mentioned several times during our discussions that maybe I had a parasite. I’ve had parasites twice before – each time in the same year. Using a natural cleanse, I eventually got rid of them. At that time, I lost weight very fast, and had gut pains. There were others who had problems too from the second infestation – we got it from a group source. So, when S suggested parasites this time, I dismissed it. I thought it was just the Crohn’s that kept my digestion from resettling. And then there were all these new food intolerances, and the migraines, and I attributed the weight loss to all of that since it was much slower than last time. But lately, I had become more convinced I might have parasites, as well as “leaky-gut” syndrome. So, I decided to go to S for the cell testing.

I have had this testing before and they can tell much from looking at the composition and action of the blood on a slide. From this session, S told me I do have parasites. We could see the little things wiggling away quite actively! Yuck! She pointed out yeast and protein molecules, which both confirm leaky gut. Not only are the parasites eating much of what I ingest, but because of the leaky gut, my system isn’t properly metabolizing all of what I am eating. Some of it is escaping into the blood stream where it causes problems, and is not used for nourishment. S also pointed out evidence that although my liver is functioning pretty well, it could be better. And I am iron deficient. No wonder I’m so tired all the time.

My immune system is already at low efficiency, but these things just add a greater burden. I’ve been more susceptible to colds and infections lately, and this would explain why. What to do about it? Well, I will take this information to my naturopath – my next visit is in just over two weeks. She will likely put me on a parasite cleanse. I am not looking forward to that! What I recall from last time is it’s pretty hard on the body, and that was before the AS/Crohn’s! Maybe something a bit gentler has been developed in the intervening 9 years . And, I also need a yeast cleanse. S suggested something and I hope it will be good. If not, I know there are other effective methods.

It would seem I’m in for a rough Fall. However, I know there is healing out the other side. Maybe I can regain the 34 lbs I’ve lost in the past 21 months. Having some energy again, and a reduction in migraines would be a very good thing! God has made the body to be an amazing thing. In seeing all the detrimental things going on inside me right now, I’m amazed I can accomplish anything in a day. I’m looking forward to a restoration of health, by God’s grace.

Until next time, be kind to one another…

Some Health Answers

2010-09-13T11:41:00.000-04:00

Until next time, be kind to one another…

Pan-Am Stadium

2010-08-11T13:21:00.000-04:00

The next Pan-American Games are set for 2015, and will be held in the Toronto/Hamilton area. I haven’t really kept up on which events are being held where but, as I understand, some events will be held in Toronto, and some in Hamilton. The reason I know about it now is because of the protracted debate lately over the stadium to be built on Hamilton in preparation for some events.

The city of Hamilton is divided into upper and lower “mountain.” To the first, mostly Scottish settlers, the approximately 135 foot escarpment looked like a mountain. The first settlements were in the lower mountain area next to the bay. When prosperity smiled upon some of the lower mountain residents, they purchased land on the upper mountain, and built their cottages up there. The upper mountain came to reflect affluence.

The upper mountain, where the hubby and I live, has changed much since that time. West Mountain still has many of those cottages which have since been turned into houses. But from Central Mountain eastward, there are a high number of condo townhouse complexes. The first two years after we moved here eight years ago, the city replaced the sewer pipes to handle the higher population. Many of the pipes were still from the original cottage-building era, and there were increasing incidents of sewer backups, particularly on the west mountain. So, although the downtown has sections of poverty, there truly is little difference in overall affluence between the upper and lower mountain, yet the stereotypes persist. And those stereotypes factored into the stadium debate.

There were two proposed sites for the stadium – one in lower west Hamilton, and the other in upper east Hamilton. The upper location had more space for a larger stadium and parking. But the lower Hamilton location was closer to the train system, connecting it to potential fans from Niagara and Toronto. The “Hamilton Street Rail” (HSR) system – the transit system – is not adequate at the best of times, but to get fans from lower Hamilton to the stadium by transit would take a very long time, or be altogether impossible. The debate was heated, but finally the vote confirmed the lower Hamilton site for the new stadium.

Seems like everything is settled, doesn’t it? One of the parties with a stake in this stadium after the Pan-Am games is the Hamilton Tiger-Cats – the Canadian Football League team that has been in Hamilton for 141 years. Which stadium location did they prefer? The East Mountain. They have played at Ivor Wynne stadium in downtown Hamilton for many years, but their lease is up at the end of 2011. The Ticats were looking for a new stadium, and this seemed perfect. However, since city council voted for the lower location, they’ve pulled out. They say they will move the football franchise to another city. Hamilton football fans are a die-hard lot. The Ticats record has been abysmal for a number of years now, and yet their motto for this year is something like, “this is our year.” Their record so far this season is 2-4. Their “year” for what? This announcement is not going over well.

The mayor seems confident this is just a ploy by the Ticat management and they can be talked out of leaving. If they can’t, however, the stadium will be built, an expensive venture, with no permanent tenant afterward. Reconciliation. Is it possible? Will the Tiger Cats stay in Hamilton? Can bridges be built? What troubles me more is the continuing separation caused by old stereotypes of upper and lower city dwellers. Some of the commentary I read on blogs and Facebook did not comfort me that these stereotypes will die any time soon. And that is sad.

Until next time, as much as you are able, be at peace with one another…

I Used to Be

2010-08-05T11:36:00.001-04:00

A pair of solicitors came to the door yesterday, and I’m not actually sure the purpose of their visit. The rather gregarious man did all the talking, hoping, I think, to win me to their cause – whatever that was. He talked about CTV – a national television station – about running, about some event they were planning, about my neighbours, and about World Vision. Since the hubby and I already support charities aiding villages and disadvantaged children, and we have no extra to adopt a child, the conversation ended before I got a true sense of how these disparate topics all related to one another.

He was talking about running and I said I had been a runner in my day, and we talked about it. He seemed impressed with my abilities, and they were impressive when I was 16. But, here I am, standing there wearing shorts and a short-sleeved blouse, as skinny as I have ever been. I’ve never seen my legs so thin! There is no longer any muscle tone. So, here I was, talking about my “glory days,” looking like I couldn’t walk a mile, let alone run. And, I did a short run a couple of months ago, and paid a temporary, but heavy price! What a difference. I realized I “used to be” a runner. And I’m not sure I will ever get to a point of being able to run again.

And, the other day, we went to the video store to rent some movies. The new releases were displayed along the outside walls and were Blu-Ray format, and the DVDs were on the shelves in the centre. We don’t have a Blu-Ray machine, so we rented DVDs. When we got to the counter, the clerk told us of a special they had on renting “older” movies. “Older?” Huh! I’ve heard of Blu-Ray, and the hubby has talked about getting a Blu-Ray player, but he likes the DVD format because of the DVD-A (DVD Audio) disks some artists have released. They are a fantastic quality, and the audiophile in me really likes that. Blu-Ray doesn’t offer the same option, but eventually, the hubby will likely buy such a player.

And then on Sunday, we visited the hubby’s brother and his wife, and the hubby and his brother were talking about some new stereo equipment. I realized I was no longer in the “tech loop.” I haven’t paid attention to formats or technology for quite a while. I understand the technology behind DVD and M-PEG format. I was still working in the music industry at the time. Again, I “used to be” the foremost authority on CD mastering standards in Canada. I helped set some of those standards. Tech people in other countries knew my name and what I had done for the Canadian industry. But now? I could get “back up to speed,” I’m sure. That sort of information appeals to my analytical nature. I just really don’t care to know this any more – it’s not necessary for me to know it, even though I would still probably find it interesting.

Do I regret my “used to be” status? No. Life changes. People change. Different things interest me now than when I was younger. I wish my health was better, and that I could run sometimes without dire consequences. But I just wish my health were better – not specifically so I could run. I just wish I could enjoy running again. I have made many new discoveries about myself in the past year or two. I have discovered new spiritual gifts I didn’t realize I had, and I would not likely have recognized them if I were still able to use the ones I did know about . God needed my life to be quieter for me to see what He saw, and for me to serve in the ways I now serve. I do look at the “I am” aspects of my life far more frequently than the “used to be.” I don’t typically live in the past, and am not a nostalgic person. Past days are gone, and I have grown into different areas that, to me, are just as exciting and engaging as those I knew in the past. Although I wish some of my current struggles were not present, I am very satisfied with who God has made me to be at this point in my life.

Until next time, encourage one another…

Paving

2010-08-03T10:56:00.001-04:00

Our condo complex is about 23 years old and the paving on the interior roadways was showing its age. They had been patching areas for a couple of years, but by springtime, the harshness of winter has reopened the holes. Last year, they repaved the west side of the complex, including the driveways and walkways. And they did a great job.

This year they did the east side – our side. When you step out our front door, you step onto a cement porch pad. The walkway leading toward the road is pavement, not cement. Apparently, paving is cheaper. Last year, when they did the west side, they replaced the porch pads for most of the east side units, and the walkway paving, feathering it into the existing driveway paving.

We have cement flower pots set beside the walkway from the porch to the driveway. They are crescent shaped and fit one in front of the other. Last year, when they did the walkway, they sent us a letter asking us to move the pots so they could do a proper finished job on the walkway, and we could reset the pots when they were finished. We were a bit annoyed, but we did it and it turned out very well. The edge sloped toward the grass, and even after we replaced the pots, there was quite a gap and angle to create a danger walking on the sidewalk. We called it an “ankle buster” angle. We filled it with decorative granite stone so the area was level, and visible. It was aesthetically pleasing as well.

This year, we thought since they replaced the sidewalk last year, they would only replace the driveway. But then they dug up the walkway too. We left our pots there because we had not been instructed otherwise. They covered over the decorative stone with the packing material, and paved right over top. The paving abutted the flower pots too. Now we can never move them without leaving a completely raw edge of paving and stone. And, the paving is actually a bit higher than the pots. Still turns out to be an ankle buster!

We complained to the president of the condo board and she took it up with the management company. One night as we were eating dinner, we heard her talking to someone outside our front door. We went out to find she was talking to someone from the paving company. I talked to him about the covered decorative stone, the ankle busting angles on everything (our driveway slopes pretty strongly – more than most in the complex) and it is our personal liability, even though we have no control over this work. We talked about the flower pots, and how this walkway extended wider than the other. He didn’t believe some of what I said, so I got a bit angry. They wandered off down the road to look at other locations.

I heard talking again a while later, so I went out to apologize to him, telling him he caught me on a bad day. I said they had done a fantastic job on the roadways and curbs. We were only dissatisfied with not being told to move our pots, so we could level it all nicely, and try to make our walkway safer. He seemed to cheer up a bit when I apologized, and said he would do what he could. They have since come back and cut away some of the paving and we have filled the area with the stone again. However, the walkway paving is still an inch or so higher – still isn’t entirely safe in our view. With the narrowness of the walkway, and snow cover, it will be difficult to know when you might be walking too close to the edge.

We know God takes care of us, and our belongings. We dedicated our house to Him shortly after we moved in, and we had it blessed. Although we don’t have many visitors, we pray our visitors will remain safe when they walk along our driveway and walkway. We pray God will preserve the safety of all who use it.

Until next time, watch your step…

World Junior Championships

2010-07-27T12:36:00.000-04:00

I may have mentioned in previous posts that I was an Olympic-class runner in my teens. When I was 16, I ran the 1,500 metre race. My time for that distance was 3:52 – unofficially. I’m sure there is a record of it somewhere in county and WOSSAA (Western Ontario Secondary Schools Athletics Association) records from that time. But, since women hadn’t broken the four-minute mile at international levels yet, this time was extraordinary. My family just didn’t have the money to advance my racing to a higher level.

Over the weekend, the hubby and I watched some of the World Junior Championships held in Moncton, New Brunswick. Because of my love of track and field since I was a kid, I always enjoy watching these events. I was surprised, however, to find the current junior (age 19 and under) world record for the women’s 1,500 is 4:08. 4:08? Wow! Thirty-three years ago, I ran it in 16 fewer seconds! Wow! I have checked online but WOSSAA hasn’t put their records online.

At the adult level, my “record” was broken at the Pan American Games in 1986. I don’t remember now who surpassed it, but it brought home to me how successful I could have been in track and field if there were some way I could have competed at the top levels. Do I regret that I never got the chance to compete at those levels? Not really. It surely would have been nice but, being a pragmatist, I could see how there was no way to make it happen. I was more disappointed when I was younger. I can also see the blessing of not being involved in the sporting life in those times. Performance-enhancing drugs were the order of the day, and I may have inadvertently become involved with it. My health is bad enough now. Can’t imagine how that involvement would have made things worse now.

Sometimes I wonder how I got to be such a good runner – in that day. Surely am not now! I had a thought about that while watching this event. The Kenyans, in particular, are amazing runners. They won the most medals in Moncton, and often took first and second places. I saw a documentary once quite some time ago that said it was part of their culture to run everywhere. Even though they now have vehicles, the roads are still not very good. So they run from one place to another. They can run, quite fast, for hours. They start this habit when they are small children. And their excellence shows on the international stage. The commentators said these are the cream of the crop. There are so many others “back home” who are still so much better at running than the rest of the world.

I realized I was a “Canadian Kenyan,” if I may make such a bold comparison. As a kid, I loved to run and, from the age of six, I ran everywhere! When I was in my early teens, Sunday afternoons were often for napping. I was not interested in napping, so I would run around the block – 5 miles. And, if when I completed the run I was not tired, I’d go around again. I remember one day running around the block 4 times before I decided I was finished. It was hilly, and sometimes my pace was slow, and sometimes I’d push myself for a while. I just ran because I liked it. I didn’t usually go anywhere in particular – just ran. We lived 7 miles outside of Stratford. A few times, I ran there and back. Once I ran all the way to my aunt’s house 20 miles away. She drove me from that one.

“Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I probably haven’t quoted that exactly, but it’s how I remember it from Confirmation class. The habits a child learns stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. Before my health deteriorated, I could still run – fast. The muscles remember, and the brain remembers those feelings of speed and satisfaction I got from running.

I guess this sounds like I am advocating fitness for children, and that is certainly important. But the greater need, in my opinion, is to teach them Christian habits. Teach them to run the race and not grow weary.

Until next time, take good care of your children…

Dads and Prayer

2010-07-26T11:24:00.001-04:00

We attended the Anglican church for the last time yesterday. As is common with the hubby, he has enthusiastic fans! Someone even appreciated my singing too, which was nice.

The sermon yesterday was on the Lord’s Prayer as it is found in the Gospel of Luke. The pastor discussed the meaning of the individual lines of the prayer, and I enjoyed it. It’s not often one hears sermons on the Lord’s Prayer.

In Luke, in the Bible version they used, the prayer just starts, “Father.” Pastor talked about how we are all members of a family – brothers and sisters – and God is our Father. He talked about another place in the New Testament where it encourages us to call Him “Abba” – “Daddy,” or “Papa.” This can be a difficult thing for many people to accept, and they will never call God “Daddy.” For some, it is because their earthly father abused them in one way or another. They called him “daddy,” and just can’t get past that pain to see the perfect “Daddy” we have in God.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man as my earthly father. He has his faults, as all fathers do. But he is loving, kind and generous. He is genuinely interested in my life and in all that happens in it. He loves my husband too, and has become a good “dad” to him as well. I am so much like my father it can take people by surprise when they first meet me. We have such similar mannerisms, and looks. Once, one of dad’s friends, J, was visiting while my dad and step-mom were camping. I went up for the day to visit, and J kept staring at me as my dad and I were talking. At one point, J said he never thought there could be another person so much like my dad. He said, “you two have a very unique way of looking at the world.” I said, “well, the nut doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” J just shook his head, but I said it because I knew it would make my dad laugh – and it did. J saw us together again the other day and is still shaking his head, musing about our similarities.

The one thing I could always count on since I was a small child was my father’s ear. When I talk to him, I am the most important person in the world to him at that moment. Even as a small child, he gave me his undivided attention – as he also did with my brothers in turn. I chattered on and on about child things, and he seemed fascinated by them. I still chatter on and on about things, and I see he truly is fascinated by them. He may not always understand everything, but he asks questions and tries to understand – and eventually, he usually does understand. He is this way with everyone, but it certainly was a precious thing for a young girl.

And this is the way I see prayer. God already knows everything in my heart and mind, and in my life. I don’t need to tell Him. And yet, for my sake, I need to tell Him. God lets me chatter on and on about all the minutiae of my life and my feelings and thoughts. And, at that moment, I am the most important person in the world to Him. He is like that with everyone. And it is a precious thing to have the ear of our Heavenly Father. I gladly call Him “Daddy.” I am not afraid of Him and, when I am hurting, which has been a lot lately, I run to His arms for comfort. There are also times when I turn away, but I can’t stay away for long. I return, and ask forgiveness for my sinful attitudes, and know that He understands, and forgives. And I thank Him for the wonderful earthly father He has given me – he has made such a difference in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

Until next time, talk to your Father…

Climate Change

2010-07-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

There has been much discussion over past years concerning climate change. Originally, it was called “Global Warming.” Al Gore became the point man to spearhead discussions for change in favour of “cooling off” the world. He created a documentary entitled “An Inconvenient Truth,” expounding on the role of humankind on the overall warming of the earth by an increase in carbon emissions.

As the years have passed, more evidence has come to light that this current warming trend is simply following a long-observed pattern. We started to hear about El Nino and the effects of warm ocean currents on weather patterns around the world. Evidence has been revealed that sun spots have more to do with global warming than man’s polluting ways. There is much controversy and debate as to the actual causes of “global warming.” It is a complex subject that many have mistakenly tried to simplify and sensationalize.

At one point, “someone” – probably the media – started to call it “climate change.” Many people began to doubt there was an actual warming trend when winters turned bitterly cold with higher snow fall, and snow in places where snow is not normally found. Europe has had unprecedented deaths from avalanches, cold and snow. Over the past winter, many of my British Facebook friends have commented continually of the much higher levels of snow and the previously unseen cold. How does this match with “warming?” I think the term “climate change” is certainly more accurate. I think it was yesterday there was a news report showing Argentina under snow and bitter cold. They said the temperature was -14 C and the “normal” temperature during the middle of their winter is 20 C. Wow! They reported 26 deaths from this cold snap.

Looking at the “big picture,” what does this mean? There is a certain arrogance in placing all the blame on the habits of humankind. Yes, I agree we need to treat our world better, and we need to cut down on the amount of pollution we produce. I don’t think they really have the answer yet. Electric cars, for instance, don’t really decrease the individual carbon footprint – it just moves it. Instead of spewing pollutants from each car’s tailpipe, the electric car moves the greater burden of pollution to the generators of electricity. IF these generators would collectively regulate the amount of pollution emanating from their “smoke stacks,” maybe the carbon footprint would decrease. I do not hold any hope these companies will do this. If they would, the cost to consumers would be dramatic and increase the financial burden of the average user.

There are those in the Christian community who claim the change in world climate is evidence of the “end times.” They make their predictions and proclaim their warnings. Are they right? To a point. There is certainly evidence we are in the end times. But to be somewhat obtuse about it, the time since Jesus’ ascension has been the “end times.” It is good for us to be aware of the limited amount of time we have left. This realization should shape our behaviour, especially in spreading the Gospel. But of that final day we have no accurate knowledge – just signs for those who will see. Wars and rumours of wars, earthquakes. We see these things these days. Our time is drawing near.

But as for the hype of climate change, I won’t be “sucked in.” Our summers are hotter, and our winters colder. Whether that is a permanent trend, or a “swing” doesn’t really matter to me. There are practical concerns relating to those extremes, and it is on them I will focus. God knows what He is doing, and I trust Him. I pray I will continue to be a useful servant for Him in bringing people into His Kingdom until it is too late. Beyond that, I will let more learned people debate the actual cause of climate change. As far as I am concerned, only God knows for sure the true cause, and He is orchestrating all things according to His will and purpose.

Until next time, stay cool, or stay warm – depending on where you live…

The Hair Experiment – One Year On

2010-07-21T17:33:00.000-04:00

It was near the beginning of May last year, I think, when I decided to try to grow my hair long. I wasn’t sure whether I could get over my frustration with it as it grew. Frustration had caused me to become impatient in times past and give up on growing it longer. I wasn’t sure if that would again be the case. I do get frustrated with it sometimes, and I have wanted to give up. But I stuck it out, and I think now I can continue growing it.

When I have tried to grow it before, I disliked how the hair on the sides stuck straight out. This time, I just didn’t look in the mirror for a while, and since I’m at home anyway with no one to see it, I managed to get past that stage too. Now the hair on the sides sort of puffs out a bit at the ears but has grown long enough to come back in to the head. I never knew it would do that, and I like it. When I wash my hair – and I have done this for years – I comb the back and sides straight back so when it dries, it has a bit of body. If I didn’t comb it that way, my hair would just stick to my head, looking flat and likely get into my eyes faster. The hair over the ears would probably not stick out if I didn’t comb it back. But this way adds a bit more character. The back, too, flips out a bit.

One concern I had when I started was that I might start fussing with it all the time. And that has turned out to be the case, especially when I should really get a trim. I strongly dislike having hair in my eyes. It tickles and causes irritation, and I don`t like the obstruction to my sight. So, when it gets long at the front, I have gotten into the habit of constantly trying to push it to the side. Because my hair has no curl, it doesn’t take long for the hair to drop back into my eyes. It is at these times my frustration level is at its highest. I just have to be sure to get it trimmed more often.

The latest haircut from a couple of weeks ago, finally has the shape integrated nicely. When my hair was short, I often had it cut over my ears. It took a while for that sec ion to grow to a length to be integrated with the rest of the shape. It is finally how I envisioned it from the start. Now, I will just let it grow, getting it trimmed occasionally, and see how it turns out. I’ve never worn it quite like this before. I saw my step-sisters on Saturday, and I haven’t seen them for a while. The older one didn’t recognize me at first. She didn’t comment on my hair, and it could have been the weight loss that caused her to not recognize me. One comment I received from a friend was that my hair made me look younger – an unexpected effect.

Those with any curl in their hair lament humid weather. Their hair does unexpected things in such weather, and it becomes a greater challenge to style it the way they want. They seem envious of me for hair that is not affected by humidity. Maybe we always want what we don’t have. I always wanted curly hair when I was a kid. Even having to deal with humidity issues would be acceptable, if I could have a bit of curl to work with. Alas. Although my hair is not completely “board” straight, it does not change in the humid weather. It has “character” and, I am often convinced, a will of its own. And that’s good enough for me.

Culturally, in the Old Testament, the style and length of a woman’s hair was governed by Law. Long hair was a gift from God and to a woman’s glory. Because Jesus fulfilled the Law, we have the freedom to wear our hair as we choose. There are still religions, and Christian denominations that dictate, even if only by societal pressure, how a woman will wear her hair. For those in such Christian denominations they often do this out of respect their religious leaders. And whichever way we choose to live, we all have that freedom to do so, bringing glory to God.

Until next time, encourage one another…

Flies!

2010-07-20T12:12:00.000-04:00

One unwelcome result of green box recycling is flies! Green box, for those who don`t have it in their urban setting, is a recycling pickup system for kitchen waste. Because of the nature of kitchen waste, recycling is messy, can be smelly, and attracts vermin. The first year it was implemented in Hamilton, the waste went directly from the smaller containers into the larger one the trucks emptied. The smell of the neighbourhood on garbage day was awful! And it was a constant struggle to keep the containers free of residue, smell, or maggots. In the winter, it was more difficult to empty or clean because the refuse would freeze in the container.

By the second year, they introduced biodegradable liner bags for the smaller containers, meaning there were sealed bags in the larger containers, much the same as one would find in the regular garbage containers. Keeping the containers clean is now a very easy task, and there is no longer trouble with freezing. Sometimes these biodegradable bags degrade and burst by the time garbage day comes around, but generally this isn’t a problem.

While fruit flies were a much larger concern in the pre-bag year, now the problem is houseflies. Even if you keep your container clean and free of maggots, many in the neighbourhood may not be so fastidious. The flies seem to collect in the garage, or just outside the back door, so when you open either door, many of them fly into the house. Growing up on a farm, you would think I would be used to flies. However, I strongly disliked them then, and still do now. It’s a daily killing spree to try to keep the population manageable.

We had composters in our back yard for six years. If you keep the proper ratio of elements in the composter, flies are not an issue. There needs to be green material, what they call “brown” (paper products, was what I generally used), soil, and water. If there is too much green, or too much water, flies become a problem, as does smell. There was only once when I let it get out of balance, and our neighbour let us know indirectly she was not pleased with the flies. Within about two weeks, I had it balanced again, and all returned to normal. It is not possible to maintain balance in the green box, so flies in the summer will always be a problem

Hindus do not kill bugs. In very simple terms, because they believe in reincarnation, they believe that in killing bugs, they could be destroying the spirit of someone attempting in a next life to rise to the next spiritual level. We moved into an apartment once that had been occupied for 11 years by a Hindu family. We moved in December and that spring were totally unprepared for the onslaught of every different kind of bug imaginable! There were even some exotic ones that had hitched a ride on imported goods. Quite vigorously and determinedly, we killed bugs that year, and the next through spring, summer and fall. The second year, the numbers dropped, and the third year were only slightly higher than usual. Because of my sensitivity to chemicals, we tried natural methods, which included much swatting. I have retained the skill of being able to catch a fruit fly in mid air.

God created bugs, whether we like them or not. Bugs have a purpose. Without bees, there would be no fruit. And yet, because of sin, their original purpose has been altered, and now they are also pests. There is no longer a balance in our world. And there are times when bugs need to be killed to maintain comfort and safety in our lives.

Until next time, I am wishing you all pest-free lives…

Thomas Voekler

2010-07-19T13:10:00.001-04:00

Today’s stage of the Tour de France – Stage 15 – celebrates the 100th anniversary of the inclusion of the Pyrenees Mountains as part of the Tour. There are riders who do better in the stages of the Alps, and others who do better in the Pyrenees. According to the commentators, the Pyrenean mountains are steeper and higher, on average, than the Alps. If a rider does well in one range, they may not do so well in the other.

Thomas Voekler is one who does well in both. I LIKE Thomas Voekler. He is currently the Champion of France, and has ridden 10 Tours. He’s tough and has a lot of passion for riding. At least once in the Tour, he decides he wants to win a stage. Today was his day. He has an odd riding style compared to the rest, but it works for him. The highest peak was at the end of the race, and Thomas went over the top more than two minutes ahead of the next rider.

Thomas is a real worker and I like those who come to a sport with a good work ethic. He works for his teammates as hard as he can until he is worn out and drops back in the pack. Eventually, suddenly, they discover he has moved back up toward the front, working again for his team. There are a few NBA players, and a few English Premier League (EPL) soccer players I have nicknamed, “Lunchbox.” To me, this means they come to work, not particularly spectacular players, but they always come to do their part, and contribute to the team. And then they go home. They don’t whine. They’re not “stars.” They don’t get discouraged when their team is not doing so well. They just work, and they hold my respect.

Voekler also brings a sense of passion for the sport that adds to my appreciation of his career. He rides for France on every occasion he can. Today is an important day in French cycling history, and he wanted to provide a French rider as the winner of the stage for the honour and glory of France. I’m not particularly patriotic, although I am proud of some Canadians who have done well on the world stage in many disciplines. But I can certainly appreciate this exertion in service for an entity or principle larger than himself. He is over 1 hour behind the leader in the overall classification, so this day of glory is a special day for him, and for France.

Besides Thomas’ race, today’s stage has been very exciting. The steepness of the descent to the finish line means the riders could achieve speeds of 110 kph/70 mph. On a bicycle! Breathtaking! Ryder Hesjedal was up in the main “leaders’ group” which was about four minutes behind Thomas. Because of his position, Ryder is now in 10th place. This is so amazing and it’s been 22 years since Steve Bauer placed fourth.

One blight on the day is the unsportsmanlike actions of the second man in the overall classification, Alberto Contador who won the Tour last year. Another rider in solid contention to win is Andy Schleck, who has led the overall classification for six days now. As he was into the heavy work of climbing up the last mountain, Andy’s chain slipped off the gears. Since he didn’t have any of his teammates around with whom he could have switched bikes to save time, he had to get the chain back on, and then try to make up for lost time. Ordinarily, there is a gentleman’s agreement that the other riders will slow down, waiting for him to catch up. Alberto rode past him, seeing his difficulty, and stepped up his pace to take advantage of this mechanical mishap. It has changed the leadership of the Tour. There will likely be much commentary over the fairness of this attitude – some saying it’s just part of bike racing, and others saying it was unfair. Andy’s comment was, “whether it was fair or not is for others to decide, but it was not the way I would race.” However, this event will likely spur Andy on to do his very best for the rest of the Tour.

Until next time, maybe take a leisurely bicycle ride around your neighbourhood…

Tour de France

2010-07-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

By the end of the third stage of the Tour de France, one of the two Canadian riders, Ryder Hesjedal, sat in fourth place in the Overall Classification. Wow! Ryder has participated in two previous Tours but only placed 49th and 47th. I was very pleased to see him succeeding so well. A few stages later saw him drop to twelfth position, and he’s stayed there to this point – today being Stage 12.

The Tour de France is a three week bicycle race through France – the biggest and toughest such race in the world. This year, 197 riders started from many different nations who will ride over 100 miles per day for three weeks, with only two rest days. They finish in Paris on the Champs Elysees. To win a stage in this race, or to win the entire race is an amazing feat. Lance Armstrong has won it 7 times – more than any other rider in the history of the Tour. He is riding again this year, but there is no way he will win. Personally, I think that is good for the sport. I think he has accomplished great things, but it’s time for another.

According to the riders, the journalists, and the race officials, this year’s Tour is the toughest they have seen. Even last year, when Alberto Contador won, the conclusion was pretty much decided by the end of the first week. It made the rest of the race somewhat boring, and this had been the situation throughout the Lance years. They changed the course to make it harder in order to highlight the strengths of a wider variety of riders, keeping the times of the top riders closer, and leaving the conclusion less sure. I would not dare to make a prediction at this point, although, I must hope for Ryder. Realistically, I don’t think he will win.

Today’s stage has been great for this Canadian fan. There was a “breakaway” – a group of riders who ride more aggressively in an effort to improve their position, or to have the hope of winning a stage. There were originally 18 men in this group, but about 40 kms from the end, a group of four from that original group of 18 decided to step it up another notch. Ryder Hesjedal is in that group of four! At the beginning of the day, he was in 12th place, 5:42 back from the leader. If this group manages to stay ahead of the main group in which the leaders are riding, he can move up to even third place! Very exciting. We’ll see how well he finishes. (He was caught by the group 2 km before the line, finished 24th, and actually lost :43 overall, and one place.)

Is this important in the grand scheme of things? Not really. I do respect the dedication and hard work these athletes exhibit in this race. Of course, they never talk about any of the riders’ religious affiliations, so I don’t know if any of them are Christian, although there are a noticeable number who wear cross necklaces. Sometimes in my life, I have wondered if things I have done have been important in the Kingdom – particularly when I worked in the music industry. And yet, I have come to realize because I am a Christian, even working in a non-Christian vocation, I am working according to Christian principles, and serving as an example to others. I am being faithful, which is important to the Kingdom. Once a client said he knew I was a Christian even though I never said anything about my faith. I asked him how he knew, and he said it was the way I respected people.

As it relates to the Tour de France, to me, it doesn’t matter who is or isn’t a Christian – although I would hope and pray they were all Christian and know their eternal destiny is sure. However, even if they are not, I can still praise God for the gift of athleticism and dedication, as well as the beauty of the French countryside I would not ordinarily have a chance to see.

Until next time, take good care of one another…

Raspberries and Blueberries

2010-07-15T09:36:00.000-04:00

For almost three years, I have been following the Low Oxalate Diet. It was designed for another condition, but my naturopath suggested it would also work to lower inflammation levels in my body, giving me relief from my joint pain, and the damage Ankylosing Spondylitis does to the joints. I started the diet in October and within two weeks, felt so much better. Although the pain in past winters had been debilitating, that winter was better than summer had been. I was amazed and so pleased to be able to have a return of the energy the pain had absorbed.

This is the ninth summer we have lived in this house. There were already raspberries in the back gardens, and the next summer, I bought four blueberry plants – mostly because they were on sale, but I do enjoy both blueberries and raspberries. Guess what is not included in the Low Oxalate Diet? Raspberries and blueberries! So now, the hubby is the only one who gets these treats. I’ve discovered blueberry plants need different soil conditioning that ours can provide, so they have produced very little fruit over the years. We’re going to give the plants to friends who have wrestled with what to plant under their black walnut tree because the soil is too acidic for most plants. The blueberries should thrive. And their boys will likely enjoy picking the fruit.

Raspberries are reasonably hardy plants, yet the fruit is an indication of any needs the plant may have. Our winter was very dry last year and, although we received record rainfall in May, spring has been dry too. I haven`t watered the raspberries much, and I probably should have. Some of the fruit was quite large, as it usually is, but most of it was medium sized, or small. I asked the hubby about the flavour. We noticed a great change in sweetness when I transplanted them all into composted, organic soil after the first year we were here. He said they weren’t quite as sweet as usual, and they seemed to be softer also.

Raspberries like hot, wet conditions. A couple of years ago, we got lots of snow in the winter, and early heat and lots of rain. The raspberries were large, plentiful, and very sweet. I can generally count on the first picking on Canada Day, and the last pretty much one month later. This year, they started about 10 days early! I was surprised and not sure why. And the fruit is almost finished. It might last one more week, but there are only at the most a dozen per day to pick, which is about 1/4 the usual daily volume.

I think I counted 10 blueberries coming to fruition. There were more blossoms on all the plants than any previous year, so I was hopeful we would finally have a good harvest. No. They should be ready in a week. About 5 years ago, there was a bee die off in this area. They were quite concerned because of all the fruit farming in the Niagara Peninsula. Eventually, the bee stocks replenished. At first, they thought it was because of a disease, but further investigation showed it was pesticide poisoning. There had been an outbreak of a blight on the pear trees that year, so many farmers used a specific pesticide to combat it. The blight was cured, but the bees were poisoned. I investigated bee-attracting plants and found hibiscus and Rose-of-Sharon plants to be attractive to bees. Although the hubby isn’t fond of all the bee activity around our house, it sure helps with the fruit production in our back yard. Maybe the bees didn’t find many of our blueberry blossoms this year.

Maybe not all farm kids are connected to nature after moving to the city. However, I thoroughly enjoy gardening and watching God work in the plants, trees, and wildlife in our tiny back yard. Because of my health issues since the beginning of the growing season last year, I haven’t kept up with my gardening as much as I would like, and I feel there is a loss in my life right now. To be able to pick the raspberries, however, helps me connect with God through His natural world. The hubby has taken a greater interest in the gardens, and that pleases me – something else we can do together. But I look forward – according to God’s Will – being able to garden more vigorously next year.

Until next time, step outside, take a deep breath, and spend some time looking at all the natural beauty God has provided for you…

Jazzy

2010-07-14T17:14:00.001-04:00

Well, we’ve had our little cockatiel 15 months now, and he is still a real joy. It is amazing to us that we can have such a close relationship with a bird! He has such a personality and it is fun to watch his activities.

The hubby and I had scheduled a vacation with our friends in Michigan the third week in June. However, the hubby, being so very stressed at work and wanting out, decided he would stay home that week and look for a new job. I did go visiting, and had a great time. With the hubby being home, we also didn’t have to take Jazzy to our friends to care for him, or have our former neighbour come in to take care of Cookie. According to the hubby, Cookie followed him around constantly, meowing “like his world was coming to an end.” I guess he missed me. Jazzy missed me too, but got along quite well with the hubby.

The hubby lets Jazzy scream more than I do. I understand he’s a bird and he’s going to scream once in a while. He’s happier when his scream time is limited, so I let him scream some, but it really gets into my head and irritates me. I don’t think the hubby hears it exactly the way I do, and so he doesn’t really pay attention to it. So, while I was away, Jazzy screamed his feathery little face off! It took three weeks of work to get him out of that habit again. And, he also seems happier again.

The books and pet store people all say cockatiels learn all the language they’re going to by the time they are one year old. Ha! They’re wrong! He has learned so many words and phrases it makes chatting with him lots of fun. About a month ago, he came out with “little birdie.” That made me smile. He seems to have a more difficult time with the “e” sound on the end of words. So, although we started off saying “hello, Jazzy,” he has always said “hello, Jazz.” He recently started saying “hello, Jazzy.” So now he says “little birdie” too.

Last week, I was carrying him from his cage in my office to the main floor to sit with him for a while. He said something I hadn’t heard him say before so I repeated what I thought he said, but he didn’t repeat it. Later in the day, however, he said “good little bird.” I had been saying that to him, but not seriously trying to teach it to him. Sometimes, he sits and looks at you, with his head cocked, and I’ve come to realize he’s listening and thinking about what you’re saying. Eventually, he’ll likely say some of those words.

He loves to be in the middle of things. When the hubby and I are talking to each other, Jazzy runs between us sitting on the couch and chatters away with his non-verbal chatter. Sometimes he gets loud enough it’s difficult to hear each other. It makes us laugh. We are his flock.

We have a play centre situated in front of the sliding doors to the back yard. He loves sitting there and looking at all that’s going on outside. We usually have a sprig of millet hanging there and he has a specific “I love millet” chirp. He, of course, doesn’t manage to eat every single seed – many fall to the base below. He takes great delight in jumping from the rails to the floor of the play centre. We have watched him when he does it, and he jumps down, making quite the racket, and then looks up to see if we were impressed. We bought a short ladder so he can get back to the rails. He used to get quite frustrated when he couldn’t get back up.

So, altogether, even though he sometimes gets on my nerves with the noise of his screaming, life has been enriched by having a cockatiel as a pet. The pet store staff think he’s the best little bird they’ve ever seen – good disposition, the largest vocabulary they’ve heard, and just a joy to have around. They look forward to his wing and claw clipping, and ask if we’ve brought the bird every time we visit. And Jazzy knows when we’re going to the store, and he travels well because he is especially happy to visit his store friends. I guess we’re doing the right things.

Until next time, enjoy all the little blessings in life...

A New Experience – Part II

2010-07-13T11:42:00.001-04:00

I decided to write a bit more about the Anglican Church experience.

The Anglican Church in Canada experienced some turmoil in the past few years. A couple of years ago at their General Synod meetings, there was much discussion and dissension over the “blessing” of same-sex unions. The Lutheran Church–Canada (LCC) doctrine on it is that homosexuality, as with all other sin, is wrong, according to Bible teachings. We are to love and care for homosexuals, as we are to love and care for all people who struggle with sin – which, of course, is everyone. There are those in the Anglican Church who believe as we do, and then there are those who believe blessing same-sex unions is a good thing. There was division, and many Anglican congregations who believe as the Lutherans do started to separate themselves from the Anglican Church of Canada, and join an Anglican Church of one of the African nations. The congregation we attended is still a member of the Anglican Church of Canada.

I was occupied with the experience on Sunday, and following the liturgy, and thinking about the words of the liturgy, the Bible readings, and the different music used for the hymns, so I didn’t think about this difference in understanding until the end. At the end of the service, one of the pastors talked about the synodical convention and how there was so much more unity than the last one. This seemed very important to him. He knew the hubby was Lutheran, and expected I was as well, and made mention of the union there is between the Anglican and Lutheran churches. Well, the hubby said he wasn’t going to tell the pastor that we belonged to the “other” synod – the more conservative one that would have no union with a church professing such teachings.

The Bible talks about Christians living in peace and unity with one another. This is the standard to which we strive. It was God’s original intention that we all believe in Him – together, as one family. But sin is in the world. There is no unity or peace. There is a form of unity between LCC and the Anglican Church in Canada. We both believe that Jesus is our Saviour. This is true of all truly Christian denominations. Beyond that, there are many points of division. How closely we draw that line of sinful action to Biblical teachings is one main measure of division within the Christian church.

So, while I heard familiar words in the liturgy, and heard the Bible readings, I cannot say there was complete unity between the things I believe as a Lutheran, and the things they believe as Anglicans. It is a sad state, and a result of sin in the world. I wish it were not so. However, “peace” declared as a result of compromising Biblical teaching is not peace at all, in my opinion.

Until next time, pray for the true Peace and Unity within Christendom…

A New Experience – Part I

2010-07-12T11:58:00.002-04:00

Sometime last year, the hubby posted his name on an employment site for church organists. He got some work last year from this posting, and this year as well. He will become the full-time organist at our church starting in September, but he has enjoyed the experience of playing at other churches in the area.

Although there are other denominations for which he has never played, he can now cross “Anglican” off that list. This congregation is known as “high Anglican” which means they follow an age-old liturgy, and there is much symbolism in their worship service. I was unable to go with him last week because of a migraine, but went this week. It is the first time I have attended worship at an Anglican church, and I found it an interesting experience.

The hubby said to me after last week’s service that I probably wouldn’t like the sermons. I can’t remember exactly what he said about it, but it was more humanist dissertation than speaking the Word of God. I like my Lutheran sermons where you hear that Word preached – where there is belief in miracles, and the character of God is presented as it is written, even if we don’t understand the totality of that character. So, I had some idea of what to expect from the sermon I would hear yesterday.

The sermon text from Luke was the story of the “good Samaritan.” Essentially, the pastor said the priest and the Levite were acting according to their religion where touching an injured man would have made them unclean and ineligible for temple service, while the Samaritan was acting according to human nature. He said the text doesn’t say whether the Samaritan even had a religion or faith. He said, when we act in compassion, we are being human, and putting actions to our feelings of pity.

I had a particular problem with his explanation of compassion. I recently wrote an article on compassion and found it to be action motivated by sympathy for the pain of another. This is human nature – for some. However, true human nature is selfish. True human nature does nothing for another, whether in need or not. The purest form of compassion is that which is motivated by love – and we know the source of all love is God. That is His main characteristic. We cannot love without God, Who is love, and Who loves us. We continue to act in self-less compassion for all people because we are Christian. There is a difference to our compassion.

I think, personally, the story of the good Samaritan was told to show us how religious ritual is empty. God wants a love relationship with us, and He wants that relationship to flow out in love to our “neighbours.” If we’re just “going through the motions,” and love is not there, we are a “noisy gong or clanging cymbal.” Those non-Christians who are compassionate are doing good things, no doubt. However, when the love of God is involved in our compassion, we reflect our loving God to the world, deepening the action, and giving it purpose and meaning – connecting it to the Source of love.

I’m not saying all Anglican churches are like this one. I’m just relating my first experience attending an Anglican service. The hubby will play there for another two Sundays, then a Sunday at a United church. He said by then, he will be ready to hear a good Lutheran sermon. I agree.

Until next time, love one another with the compassion of Christ…

Catching Up

2010-07-09T12:09:00.001-04:00

It’s been a while since I last posted. When I attended the Ontario District convention of the Lutheran Women’s Missionary League – Canada (LWMLC), June 10-12, one of my friends came up to me concerned that I had not posted since “April 29th!” she said. She wondered if I was OK, or just busy. I told her I had been busy.

Because I live closest to the location of the Canadian Church Press convention, I was asked to attend since Tapestry is a member. I went from May 13-15 and afterward, typed up my notes for our editor. There was good learning there to help us make our publication and organization better. I was pleased to realize we had already done some of the right things to help us grow and improve our relevancy to all Lutheran women in Lutheran Church - Canada. Because it takes me longer than in times past to complete projects, I was not able to post for a while. Then the LWMLC convention in June, and a one week vacation visiting friends in Michigan.

Those who know me personally, or on Facebook, know I have struggled with my health for the past 18 months, although I may have mentioned it on another post as well. I caught a stomach bug on New Year’s Day 2009. It totally upset my digestion and, because of the Crohn’s, has taken a very long time to get it under control. It would seem things were settling down, then something would set it off again. During that time, I discovered more food allergies, and I think we have finally found them all! I’m looking forward to regaining the 32 lbs I have lost, and a release from the migraines. Just in the past week, I’ve finally regained 4 lbs, and have been eating 5 times a day!

Because of the weight loss, I have also had to be careful with how much physical activity I get. Finally, in the past month or so, I’ve been able to get back to a regular routine of walking as the first form of exercise. I’m beginning to feel some positive effects in terms of muscle tone, but I still am quite tired most of the time. If you had told me 30 years ago I would be in this state of physical depletion, I would have questioned your sanity!

And then there is the emotional struggling. I don’t think I have mentioned this often in this forum. Some who know me in real life know of my struggles to varying degrees and are praying for me. I appreciate you pray partners more than you can know! I had a bad childhood. I know I am not unique in this and many people had it worse than me. At various times throughout my life, different elements of abuse have come to my remembrance and I have had to deal with them. I have dealt with those times and seen healing. This time came upon me last April or so, and has been much deeper and much more painful than previous times.

So, sometimes when I don`t write for a while, it can be a combination of busy-ness, physical health, or emotional health. I have continued to write throughout this time, but it has been journalling to help me work through the emotional issues. There may be a book come out of it eventually, but I’m not sure of that right now either. The pain is still too high to make that decision.

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Other ways this could be translated are “God works all things together for good,” or “God works in all things for the good.” What comfort! I cannot see His purpose right now in my trials, and that bothers me. I continue to walk in faith, following Him because I cannot see the road ahead. In each of the previous times of trial relating to my childhood, I have seen a purpose. Maybe I will eventually.

And sometimes I get cranky and whiny, self-centred and petulant. I’m not proud of myself during these times. And then I recall another of my favourite verses: 2 Corinthians 4:17 – “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” This all seems so big and deep and painful. It seems so all-encompassing in my life. I try to live a “normal” life as much as my physical health allows. And yet, there are times when I sit playing games all day, hurting. This verse comforts me. This is nothing compared to my eternal life. It just doesn’t compare. And that gives me hope and gets me outside myself, if only for a time.

I hope to be able to post more often again. I have ideas tucked away in my head and I hope to be able to post them soon. I thank God constantly for the gift He has given me to be able to write. It was my “resolution” at the beginning of last year to write more consistently, and I have seen such blessings from that commitment. He knew I needed the discipline and improved skills because He knew the times ahead in my life, and how I would need this gift to help me work through these issues. And, He brought Tapestry writing into my life too – and I am thoroughly enjoying that. And, I’m glad you, the readers, are enjoying these posts too. It is encouraging to me when you tell me you enjoy them. May you be encouraged also by what you read here.

Until next time, love one another…

Percentages

2010-04-30T09:56:00.000-04:00

Our current Provincial government is led by the Liberal party, headed by Dalton McGuinty, who is our Premier. The hubby and I didn’t vote for him but, obviously, a majority of Ontarians did. He will likely remain in power at least until our provincial elections, October, 2011.

I pay a lot less attention to politics than I probably should, but the hubby stays more current, so I trust him to inform me. Recently, McGuinty tried to implement a change to the educational system to include teaching on sexuality to much young students than previously. Our pastor has six sons and he was incensed at the sorts of things his young, innocent boys would learn if they stayed in the public system. He said, and we agree, children should remain innocent of many things for a number of years yet. They were willing to pull their younger ones from the public system and pay the expense of educating them in the local Christian school. One sticking point for many Christian parents is the introduction of teaching on homosexuality as being a social norm. It is surely being accepted by a wider percentage of the population, and it is expressed in so much of our popular media.

General estimates place the incidence of homosexuality in North America at between one and three percent of the total population. That’s tiny! How did they get to have such a pervasive influence on society? They are militant. Many homosexuals are found in the arts – those creating popular music and television programming – so they automatically have a vehicle to put forth their agenda.

Do you know what Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) is? I didn’t until I developed it. AS is an auto-immune disease in the rheumatoid family. Essentially, it is Rheumatoid Arthritis of the spine. The term means “stiffening spine” because the body mistakenly thinks it needs to lay down calcium in the spine to fuse all the small joints. This means the ribs become fused to the spine, not allowing for the rib cage to move during breathing, and other joints in the low back fuse also. It is painful, and one has to work hard at confusing the disease so it is not successful in its misguided goals.

Here’s another percentage. It is estimated that between five and eight percent of the total North American population has AS. So I ask, facetiously, why are we not informing our children of AS? Why do the majority of TV shows not have a token AS sufferer as a character? The only famous person I know who has it is Mick Mays, the guitar player for Motley Crüe. I didn’t even know that until very recently.

Family doctors are not even aware of most of the research about AS. It has been determined that only a specific type of genetically modified pain killer is effective on AS. But because it’s in the rheumatoid family, they must first give AS sufferers two other types of pain killers first before getting to the “good stuff.” This process takes at least 2 years, but more typically 10 years, in which time the disease has destroyed many of the joints, and not alleviated the pain. Also, for a long time, X-rays have been used to diagnose AS. With a very observant X-ray technician, the earliest the damage to specific joints can be seen is after two years, more typically, 10 to 12 years down the road. In recent studies, it has been proven that MRIs are infinitely more effective in detecting the disease much sooner, yet doctors are unaware of this, and will still send you for X-rays first to diagnose. The only sure diagnosis for AS is Iritis – a sight-damaging inflammation of the iris. Again, damage must be done before diagnosis can be sure.

I’m not saying the world is ever fair – it certainly is not. I guess I just wish perversion did not have such a high profile when there is about double the number of sufferers from a disease that could be managed so much better if societal profiles were reversed.

Until next time, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength…

William Shatner for Governor General?

2010-04-29T10:27:00.000-04:00

As a nation, we’re proud of our fellow citizens who become famous and/or contribute to the betterment of the world. The inventor of the zipper? Canadian. The inventor of IMAX? Canadian. The inventor of basketball? James Naismith; a Canadian, even though he was teaching in the US when he invented it. Alexander Graham Bell? Canadian. His family moved to Canada – Brantford, specifically – when he was a small boy. His brother had died young from lung problems and their doctor said the same could happen to Alexander if they didn’t find a drier climate. Although he invented the telephone while employed in Boston, he invented it in Canada during his summer break. Later in his life, he lived in Nova Scotia and invented many other things as well.

Comedians: Martin Short, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Dan Akroyd, Dave Foley. Actors: Michael J. Fox, Mary Pickford, Jake Gyllenhaal. Sports figures, well, hockey mostly: Wayne Gretsky, Mario Lemieux, Steve Yzerman, Mark Messier, Steve Nash (basketball). Musicians: Alanis Morrisette, Avril Lavigne, Bare Naked Ladies, Celine Dion, Nelly Furtado, Gordon Lightfoot, Brian Adams.

Oh, and William Shatner – Captain Kirk, as well as several other roles. There were reports on the weekend of a groundswell of support to make William Shatner the next Governor General of Canada.

Because Canada was formerly a dominion of Britain, our government system is the parliamentary system, such as they have in the UK. And since 1760, we have also had Governors General (GG). They are to be the official representative of the Queen in our country. I don’t know all the functions, but the GG opens each session of parliament. Mostly, the stories you hear about the GG is they hold lavish parties, visit other countries, representing the Queen of England in Canada.

Michaëlle Jean, our current GG, I think has done a good job. As I was thinking of other GGs, I only recall one man – Roland Michener. The first woman GG was Jeanne Sauvé, and then there was Adrienne Clarkson recently. I don’t know what the others did before they became GG, except for Adrienne who was a reporter and became news anchor. She was well respected in her field, and I believe she did a good job as GG.

But to make William Shatner our next GG? There are several problems with this. He hasn’t lived in Canada in many, many years. I thought I heard a report some years ago that he wasn’t even a Canadian citizen any more, although I could be wrong on that. And, he is not fully bilingual – an important attribute when representing our country.

Other names brought forward were Rick Hansen, and Wayne Gretsky. A couple of months ago, someone mentioned Don Cherry – the brash hockey commentator. Yeah. He would really represent Canada well – mostly as hockey thugs, I’m thinking. I have a slightly higher opinion of Wayne Gretsky, although he also hasn’t lived in Canada for many years, and I don’t know the status of his citizenship. Rick Hansen would be my first choice of those listed. He conducted his “Man in Motion” tours in the 80s, raising awareness for spinal cord injury. He even wheeled his way along the Great Wall of China some time ago to raise awareness. From this list, to me he best represents those Canadian qualities I wouldn’t mind the world seeing. And, although David Onley has represented the handicapped in the Lieutenant Governor role in Ontario – the queen’s representative within our province – I think having a man confined to a wheelchair as our official representative abroad would be a good thing.

Until next time, love one another…

World Cup Trophy

2010-04-28T11:43:00.000-04:00

This morning, for the first time, the FIFA World Cup trophy landed on Canadian soil. I happened to switch to the CBC just before the unveiling and heard a little of one presentation.

Soccer is a world sport. North American sports thinks it’s the centre of the universe. Sports commentators make statements like, “the whole world is watching,” and I think, “not likely!” Maybe a high percentage of North Americans are watching but, judging by population alone, we’re not the “whole world.” The game of soccer is played in so many more countries by so many people, and their fan base is huge.

We regularly watch the English Premier League soccer games each weekend between August and May. They consistently have an audience of between 40,000 and 65,000 in the stands each week. And some of these cities are quite small. England hasn’t done so well at the World Cup level for a few years, and yet, at the last World Cup four years ago, I seem to recall the crowds were between 75 and 95,000. I think the largest NFL stadium (haven’t checked this) holds about 67,000 or so.

The World Cup this year is in South Africa – I think I recall it is the first time it has ever been held on the African continent. I truly hope they do themselves proud. And, we will watch as many games as is feasible! I think the report this morning said it was 43 days to the opener. I’m not speculating yet on who will win. I don’t even really have any favourites at the moment. I will watch and see which teams I like as I see them play. It’s sad that Canada consistently fails to qualify. It would be amazing to watch our boys play, even if they don’t get out of the group round. To have achieved that level of excellence would still be something noteworthy.

The trophy itself is not very large. It is currently encased in a glass or plexi case and is made of solid 18 karat gold. Impressive! I didn’t know that until today. And, they said it was only allowed to be raised by the winning team members, and various FIFA dignitaries. This is so unlike the Stanley Cup about which one gets the idea any local buddy can grab it and haul it around for the weekend, drink beer out of it during a party with all his friends before innocently returning it to the authorities. “We’re Canadian. We wouldn’t do anything harmful to the Stanley Cup!” It’s much more of a “common man” attitude that reflects the national psyche, in my opinion. Soccer, in many countries, is a very serious sport. National pride is on the line, and people have died, not only from fan riots, but because team members have disappointed. It reflects a dark side of soccer that I do not like.

So, for the next couple of days, while it is in Canada, I think I will follow the story to see where the trophy goes. I find I am rather excited they brought it here in the first place. I wish I had an opportunity to see it, but that’s not likely.

Until next time, enjoy the leisure activities with which God has blessed you…

Kitchen Utensils

2010-04-15T15:01:00.001-04:00

It is a Sunday custom in our household for me to make waffles for the hubby. It is a tradition his mother started many years ago, and we have continued it. Not every Sunday, and sometimes I make pancakes instead, depending on his mood. I can no longer eat waffles or pancakes because of my wheat and corn allergies, but I halve the recipe and make them for him.

The hubby’s family, knowing of this tradition, gave us a waffle iron for a wedding shower gift. The aluminum plates had a Teflon coated surface, and we used it for a few years before it gave out. We were wondering where we could get another, sturdier model when the hubby’s mom gave us theirs. We knew they still used it, but she said not enough so it would not be burdensome to them to do without it. Wow! We were thrilled!

The hubby doesn’t remember a time in his boyhood when this waffle iron was not in use. We don’t know exactly how old it is, but it has to be from at least the early 70s. I think I’ll check the internet and see if I can find any more information. (Although I couldn't find our model, it's i I don’t know whether it was a top-quality appliance in its day. My mother-in-law was noted for paying the least amount of money rather than buying the highest quality. However, this waffle iron is definitely quality compared to today’s products. The cast-aluminum reversible plates are well seasoned and heavy. The inner workings are quite simple, but they have stood the test of time.

A few weeks ago, I noticed the last batch of waffles didn’t seem to cook as quickly and hubby said they were a bit undercooked. I had been gradually turning the darkness dial higher and higher, and yet the waffles remained light. I wondered if it had finally given out. We plugged it in a couple of weeks later and it remained stone cold. I was not looking forward to replacing it, knowing I would not find that level of quality again without paying more money than we could really afford.

A few years ago, the 40-year-old pots my dad gave me when I moved away from home were finally giving out. He and my mother had received them as a wedding gift. The hubby and I spent several months looking for new pots, never satisfied with the lightness and thinness of modern pots. I finally found a set I liked – a Cuisinart “semi-professional” model. Boy, did they cost some coin! We managed to get them on a sale – 70 percent discount! God sure provided for us that day. And, in my opinion, they are even better than the old pots. Because I cook so much, and enjoy cooking, I figure it’s worth spending some money on quality equipment because I make good use of it. I have purchased quality knives as well – again on sale. Our large roaster – another “hand-me-down” from the hubby’s mom – is showing signs of needing replacement. I bought another and, even though it was pretty light, I thought it would be OK. NOT! After it’s inaugural use, I blue-boxed it. It was completely useless. I still haven’t replaced the old one.

So, I was not looking forward to searching for a new waffle iron and paying the high price I was expecting. We decided to open it up and see if we could fix it. We took off the plates and it didn’t take long before I saw the broken wire – right up where it attached to the power peg. Using pliers and a screw driver, and a bit of ingenuity, the hubby and I worked together and fixed it. We happened to be watching “Canada’s Worst Handyman” on TV right at that time, and we thought the contrast was pretty funny. We put the iron back together, and I cooked him waffles for lunch. I had to turn down the darkness dial because it seemed the wire connection had been burning out for a while. It seems to be as good as new!

Until next time, take care of one another…

The Colour Green

2010-04-13T10:49:00.000-04:00

I love Spring! I love when all the trees and shrubs start to leaf. I noticed my rose bushes are all starting new branches and the leaf buds are forming. The trees in the neighbourhood are starting to develop leaf buds too. These hold such promise of the verdant beauty to come, and very soon.

The one thing that always strikes me about Spring is the colour of green that first appears – particularly on the willow tree. We had a huge weeping willow in the front yard of my childhood home. The twigs are mostly yellow, and the early leaf buds are a shade of yellow green that, for me, says, “Spring!” It catches my eye wherever I look this time of year. And leaf buds and young leaves on other trees also have a hint of yellow to the green – a freshness or newness that turns to darker tones as maturity advances.

After such cold and dreary months, filled with grey, white, and brown, such fantastic colours are notable, and make the heart soar with all the new growth possibilities coming our way. It belies the promise of summer fruit and vegetables. It speaks of flowers of every colour and shape. To me, there is such hope in that shade of green.

So lately, as I walk in different places, I take every opportunity to drink in with my eyes the beauty of this colour which will not last. I praise God for all the beauty He lays out before us every day, particularly the beauty of the natural world. And, in marking the passage of time and seasons, I try to appreciate as much of this wonderful shade of green as I can, thanking Him that He provides it, promises such great things for the summer by it, and that I have the capacity to see it.

Until next time, check for “green” in your neighbourhood, and praise God for His beautiful world…

Studio Reunion

2010-04-12T12:53:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, the hubby and I attended a small, impromptu reunion of past employees of a studio where I worked early in my music industry career. A couple guys were going to be in Toronto so one of them organized rounding up a few people to get together. There were seven who said they would come, but five showed up, plus the hubby, made for a good group.

I made a realization from yesterday’s reunion. I really “fit in” with music industry people. I had truly forgotten how easily and completely I fit in. Yesterday, I was surrounded by caring and loving people with open hearts, like mine. The guys were so appreciative of the ride we gave them from one café to the other. To us, it was just natural, but so often those “kindnesses” are unappreciated.

They gently asked about my illness and said kind words about how I must feel about it – and this was the guys first! Amazing. No wonder I got along so well in the music industry. There was sorrow over what I told them, but not pity. They were observant – they mentioned how they noticed my limp – even though it wasn’t as bad yesterday as it’s been for about two weeks. Can’t wait for my massage this Friday! Most others don’t notice, and they don’t ask. The topic was treated gently, and then let to lie. They treated my “dignity” delicately, and that felt right and I had missed it all these years.

S said I must take a lot of pain killers, and I said no, that pain killers didn’t even touch the pain. I have just learned to endure it, and find ways to reduce the inflammation levels so the pain was as low as possible. She looked as if she was about to cry. I then reassured her by saying the pain is much better now than when it started 6 years ago, which seemed to make her feel better.

I think I was touched the most by the conversational subtext that was just understood. We’re all using the same emotional lexicon, or something. There is a conservation of words. I can speak quietly and say few words, and the others understand. It feels many times in the “real world,” that I have to shout to make myself heard and use many words to get people to understand. I’m just not that person. If I am not heard when I express myself quietly and gently, I often don’t repeat myself. I let it drop. Then people are amazed when they finally find out what I’ve been saying all along. Music industry people get it the first time it is quietly spoken. Maybe it’s because in our careers we not only listen with our ears, but also with our emotions. Maybe that is a learned characteristic, or maybe it is innate to musical people. I think, for me, it is innate. I can remember being this way since I was quite young, before any college training.

And the humour! Such a fit. It clicked immediately. Again, quiet, wry, and quick. Wonderful! My people! It’s nice when people don’t look at you as if you have a second head when you try to make a joke.

The conversation was really great too. There was always such an effort to include everyone. SI and J talked a lot about working on cruise ships because they both have done it – SI is still working there. I found it fascinating, but they kept dropping the subject and making sure to draw the rest of us into conversation about topics more common to all of us. How considerate! It still kept going back to working on cruise ships, but I didn’t mind, nor did S. Such a sensitivity and gentleness – it was really a heart-warming and touching day.

The difference between my buddies and me is that I belong to Jesus. To my knowledge, none of them have faith in Christ as their Saviour. My empathy and sensitivity to the world is governed by God. He controls me and my emotions/empathy for His purposes. That gives my serving and kindness toward others purpose and meaning. I am willing to endure more burden, pain, and struggle than I assume they would likely to endure because I know how it is being used. Their “purposes” will eventually cause them to question why they do what they do, or why they allow people to treat them as they do. But I know, and I thank God for that knowledge. My strength comes from Jesus – it is His strength that fuels all my actions, particularly in serving the world. I pray when they seek answers when their purposes fail, God provides a mature Christian in their life to guide them to Him, where there is true peace and fulfilment.

Until next time, love one another…

Prayer

2010-03-26T10:16:00.001-04:00

When the Ankylosing Spondylitis first presented itself 6-1/2 years ago, I was still active in my church teaching the Teen Bible Class. I had taught teens for about 14 years, and written my own lessons for most of that time. It was a lot of work, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was using my spiritual gifts of teaching and knowledge, which fed me spiritually, not to mention the fun I had interacting with teenagers. I really do love that age group!

When it became obvious to me that I could no longer keep up the pace, I was at a loss. It actually hurt to not be able to teach any more. I had done it for so long, and I enjoyed it so much, I had no idea how to proceed. It seemed every serving opportunity within the church required energy, which I did not have. So I bowed out of service responsibilities and sulked.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always talked to God. In the early years, before someone told me who He was, I didn’t know Who I was talking to. I always knew, however, that I could tell Him anything and He would help and comfort me. Over the years, I “learned” different methods for prayer. My baptismal sponsor – also my aunt – gave me a modern book of prayer at my confirmation, while at the same time my grandpa gave me the traditional Lutheran prayer book. I read them both, but I must say, the modern one piqued my imagination, and it still helped shape my prayer life in a joyful way.

As I taught Sunday School – the younger ones, and eventually the teens – I put into practice praying out loud in class, eventually encouraging them to do the same. I joined the prayer circles and prayer groups I found at each of our churches. The groups, in particular, enriched my prayer life and I enjoyed them.

In discovering my spiritual gifts over the years, I never considered the gift of intercession to be in my mix. I have lost my early gifts chart so I cannot compare to a current one. However, I’m sure it was always there, but lower than other, more prominent gifts.

One day in 2004, as I was sulking about not being able to teach, I got thinking about what I “could” do. At first, I wondered why I hadn’t thought of that sooner. I think it is the natural, sinful human response to look first at what is lost and pity oneself. This self-pity kept me from more positive thoughts, I’m sure. I thought of a few things I could do in my weakened state; prayer being the “lightbulb” moment. So, I started to compile lists of things for which I could pray.

Not much comes down our prayer chain – certainly not all the things that need prayer in our church. I just started listening before and after worship to the concerns of individual members and started praying for them. I prayed for missions and ministries. When I signed on to Facebook, I found a few prayer groups that I joined.

Although I have made many good friends on Facebook, one has become a very close friend. She is Pentecostal and we talked about prayer a couple of times. She asked me to pray for something in her life, and I wanted details. She said I didn’t need details – I should just pray in the Spirit. I asked her what that meant to her. She said to pray with the Holy Spirit. I told her I always did. She then asked why I needed details. I said it was the way I prayed most effectively. She again mentioned praying in the Spirit, that He knew. So I asked if she meant praying in tongues. She said yes. I told her I had never prayed in tongues, but knew the Holy Spirit was with me during prayer. Did that make my prayers less effective? God has made me to be a detail-oriented person. Should I ignore that? She wasn’t sure.

But then, unbeknownst to me, she tested me. She asked me to pray for something in her life and gave me lots of detail. And I prayed. And, the situation (don’t remember the details now) received a swift and very complete answer. She was shocked and amazed. I praised God when she told me – that He chose to answer “our” prayers. I had assumed she asked a bunch of her friends to pray, as she usually did. She said, no, she had only asked me to pray.

Wow! I was amazed that God was so good to teach her – and me – about prayer in such a convincing way, and that He answered. I am constantly amazed and humbled that God uses us frail and sinful humans to accomplish the work in His Kingdom, preparing opportunities to serve, and providing the gifts with which to serve. I am so honoured He would use my meagre efforts to accomplish His Will. And this was just more evidence of it. She has never questioned my prayer methods again, and I am now her “go to” prayer warrior. And her friends have now asked her to have me pray for things in their lives too. She still prays “in the Spirit” as she understands that to be. But now she has a broader understanding of what that means to those of us without the gift of tongues.

Until next time, take time to talk to your loving Father in heaven…

The Paralympics

2010-03-23T15:40:00.001-04:00

Sunday was the close of the 2010 Paralympics. It’s only one week instead of the almost three weeks for the Olympics. The television coverage was pretty spotty compared to the Olympics, but we managed to watch a few events – a sledge hockey game, and some men’s Super G skiing.

During the Olympics, they did some lead up stories to the Paralympics. One that I recall was of able-bodied people – a morning show host and an ex-hockey player – who tried to play sledge hockey just to see how tough it was. I didn’t expect the morning show host to do very well, but the team members said he did much better than they expected.

The ex-hockey player – Wendell Clark – was a great story. He still is very active in hockey, having turned his Toronto-area barn into an arena where he supports local hockey. They put him on a modified sledge and sent him out for some play. I don’t remember how close the blades are on the bottom of the sledge frame, but they widened them as far as the structure would allow for Wendell’s benefit. He still fell over regularly, not having the required finely honed sense of balance. He did pretty well though overall. His comment afterward was how much it involved abdominal muscles he just never used for stand-up hockey. He was very impressed with the physical conditioning these guys obviously have to be able to play.

And then, there is the Super G. I don’t know the difference between all the different course styles, so can’t tell you what Super G is. All I know is you would never catch me doing it! I’ll head down a hill on a sled or toboggan, but not skis… cannot be standing! Of course, skeleton and luge are just insane, and you wouldn’t catch me doing those sports either. Anyway, we watched as different competitors skied down the mountain as fast as they could.

The gold-medal winner of the Super G was a German athlete who had only one arm, and even at that, he used no ski poles! It made me wonder if able-bodied skiers could beat him with two arms but also not using poles. The adjustments to balance these people have to make amazed me. We saw some one-legged competitors skiing and posting respectable finish times. This level of dedication, to me, is by far more commendable than able-bodied athletes! I was astounded, and amazed, and in complete awe of the accomplishments of these athletes.

I did not see one of them fall. One of the Olympic women’s ski competition saw about 1/3 of them fall. They were blaming it on the course design and that the sun was casting tricky shadows. And yet, many of them managed to figure it out. Now, for the paralympics, I suspect the courses aren’t as challenging, but these guys were still heading down the slopes pretty fast. The rocky mountain courses are said to be the most challenging in the entire ski circuit, and I can’t think that would be any different for competitions for disabled athletes. Speaks, maybe, to their better sense of balance, or attention to it, at the very least.

I heard on a news report on Friday that, with two more days of competition to go, we had matched the medal count we achieved at the Torino Paralympics. I didn’t find out the final tally, but the commentators were hopeful we would better the count. I was pleased to hear that too. It has been a pleasant surprise for Canada to do so well at this level of competition, and I was happy to hear it also applied to our disabled athletes.

Big Brother, because of an accidental head injury when he was 14-months old, does not have very much use of his left hand and arm, and limited use of his left leg. Unfortunately, his attitude for his entire life has been one of self-pity. “Look at what I can’t do,” seems to be the way he approaches life. He has always expected others to do for him, or to help him when he was perfectly capable of doing those things on his own. He felt the world owed him much. He is finally getting over that to a degree (he turns 50 tomorrow) and has been in a stable career for about 5 years now. Could I ever see him as a paralympic athlete? Hmmm… I don’t think so. He certainly had the determination and physical strength for it. He would need radical surgery to his attitude before that could happen. This is not to say Big Brother has not been through his share of trials – he has. But counting his blessings is never his first priority. It was spectacular to watch those whose attitudes are of accomplishing the most they are able within their limitations.

Until next time, thank God for everything you have, including any physical or medical challenges…

An Aggressive Cat

2010-03-22T12:42:00.000-04:00

When Cookie was a kitten, we had to take him and his sister to the vet quite a bit. They came from a farm and had worms and parasites. Although it was not entirely comfortable for them, we had a good vet and they liked her. She saw them for about a year before our lives went in different directions, and she was always amazed at their good behaviour.

Cookie grew to be the monster cat he is now – a good 2 feet long, not including the tail, and 17 lbs, with long orange fur. He has a sweet disposition most times, and he’s a big “‘fraidy cat.” His motto is “hiss first, ask questions later.” He is rarely angry, and he has not bitten or swatted us since he was about a year old. We can do almost anything to him and he remains good-humoured.

Because of the intestinal damage from the parasites early in his life, his digestion can get out of whack occasionally. If he drinks Hamilton water, he will be sick for sure, and he had a bad habit of licking the tap, even though he had filtered water in his dish. A thick coating of Vick’s Vaporub on the faucets cured that habit! Once about 5 years ago, he got some sort of bug and had diarrhea and vomiting that continued for two days. Ordinarily, feeding him a bit of Balkan-style yoghurt takes care of it. Not this time. He was getting lethargic and we were concerned. We took him to an animal hospital where they did tests and kept him overnight on IV.

They called us the next day about 2 pm demanding we pick him up. They never did find anything wrong with him, but he improved with the IV. When they brought his carrier out from the back, I bent down to talk to him and I have never seen him so angry! I asked what they had done to him, but they didn’t answer. They wanted him gone and weren’t willing to talk about what happened. It took six months to get him settled down after that. He didn’t visit the vet often anyway, but we had no idea what impact this would have on future visits.

With his recent health problems we took him to a local clinic. They barely touched him in the examination and yet wrote that he was a “very aggressive” cat. I was there the whole time. He never made any move to bite or swat – he barely moved. He hissed and growled, but this is usual for him – hissing out of fear. He was still curious and his eyes didn’t look angry, which they also noted. The attitudes of the people at this clinic were pessimistic and not at all happy. And it smelled!

We searched the internet for our former vet. We thought maybe Cookie would remember her and we knew she would do a thorough exam. We found her in the west end of Toronto, so we made an appointment. She was thorough and he was better behaved. She discovered he needed some teeth removed, so after everything else was cleared up, we brought him back for dental surgery. This clinic didn’t smell, and all the people we saw were happy and seemed to like animals.

The day after I brought him home, we noticed he was walking strangely, with his back arched as if he were stretching. We thought it was because of constipation, but discovered that was not the cause. In talking to one of the assistants, she said, “well, he was very aggressive and, although I wasn’t there, apparently they had a tough go with him. He probably strained a muscle.” So I checked and, sure enough, there was a stiff muscle band in his abdomen and I could feel muscle spasms at the spine when I pressed it. It has improved over time and with a bit of massage.

I wondered how we could have such a different opinion of him than they do. To us, he is not aggressive. He is determined sometimes, but we can usually convince him of the error of his ways, usually just by talking to him. But in thinking about it, I realized if you don’t know how to handle him – and being so big, he can be a challenge to handle – he could be considered aggressive.

When I get him ready to give him his pill, he knows what’s coming and tries to get away. I don’t let him. But I’m used to handling a cat of his size – and I’m pretty big myself. I don’t let him have his own way, even if he hisses, knowing he won’t swat or bite me. I think maybe the clinic staff are not so sure, and Cookie senses their fear. Of course, he’s in a more adversarial relationship with them, and we’re not there to calm him. I feel badly for them, and I will ask if there is anything else we can do at home to make him better behaved for them. At least he recovers from his experiences much more quickly than from the previous experience, which is a testament to the good handling he gets with this new clinic, even though he’s a challenge for them.

Until next time, enjoy your pets…

Sudoku

2010-03-19T13:42:00.000-04:00

Whether you play it or not, by now I’m sure you’ve heard of the game of Sudoku. It has been popular for at least 5 years already, and you either “get it,” or you don’t. Well, actually, at first I didn’t get it, but I love puzzles, so I decided to see if I could figure it out.

I don’t know if this is the case in other cities, but in Toronto, there are free newspapers available on the transit system. Since the hubby works in Toronto, he generally has access to these papers and brings them home to me. First, there was just one, but now he can bring home as many as four. In each of these are crossword and Sudoku puzzles. Although I have bought a couple of Sudoku puzzle books, I generally just do those found in the papers.

Just in case you’ve never seen Sudoku, I’ll give a brief explanation, which may or may not help you visualize. It consists of a grid of nine boxes, three rows of three, each box made up of nine squares arranged in three rows of three. The object of the puzzle is to fill the squares with numbers 1 through 9, but each number can only appear once in any box, row, or column.

So, a few years ago when the hubby started bringing home these puzzles, it took, me long periods of time and much frustration to figure them out. He would sit down and do one in very short order. The way he filled in the squares looked completely random to me and I’d ask him how he knew a particular number went into a particular square. He’d patiently explain it to me. I found I had to be completely methodical to figure it out. Rows first, then columns, then boxes. And if I got one square wrong, I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. Frustration! Sometimes if I was stuck, I would get the hubby to just get one number for me and let me continue. He was never stuck.

At the beginning, I had to write all possible numbers for a particular square at the top and then, by process of elimination, figure out which number was right. Made for a messy puzzle. The puzzles in the newspapers had a legend for speed – over 25 minutes - Practice; 21-25 minutes - making progress; 15-20 minutes - leaderboard in sight; 10-15 minutes - tell your friends; and under 10 minutes - are you kidding me? One of the papers claims under 13 minutes is “genius.” The hubby told me of some fellow train travellers who consistently completed the puzzle in under 10 minutes. Being a touch competitive, I determined I would try my best to progress to the best level.

Now, several years later, I do the puzzles as a way to relax, and as a way to jump-start the brain. I no longer need to write all possible answers in the square. I don’t always finish the puzzles in good time, but the different papers carry puzzles of different strategies, so some are more difficult than others, and I haven’t entirely figured out the more difficult ones. But the competitive burn is not as strong as it was. Before, I did them to learn, and now I do them for fun. And, sometimes I complete those the hubby can’t! We are both amazed at that. We did the televised national IQ test a few years ago, and completed it online. We did a couple of other online IQ tests to be sure of the results, but we enjoy teasing each other that mine is one point higher than his. So, when I complete a puzzle he has not been able to figure out, we chalk it up to that extra point.

Until next time, thank God for recreation…

Cat Health

2010-03-18T11:47:00.002-04:00

When Cookie and Oreo were kittens, we had to visit the vet regularly for the first few months. They came from a farm and had worms and parasites – Cookie being in worse shape than Oreo. Cookie seemed to be the runt of the litter and had his challenges from Day One. He would run around with Oreo, but he’d start panting after a while. When we asked the vet, she thought his lungs weren’t as developed as they should be, and that may shorten his life. Also, the parasites damaged his intestines, and would likely shorten his life too. Thankfully, his lungs grew and developed properly and x-rays show they are now the size they should be.

However, about 2-1/2 years ago, it was Oreo that contracted an auto-immune disorder that destroyed her blood cells, and she died. We were shocked. She was such a tough and healthy cat, we thought she would easily outlive her brother.

After the initial year of regular vet visits, Cookie remained healthy and we didn’t take him to the vet. It is recommended they have a yearly check up and a rabies booster. But Cookie had three of them, and he would get so sick after the shot, and worse with each year, we decided not to put him through that. He’s strictly an indoor cat, only going outside when we can watch him, so we felt the risk was low. He had to go to an animal hospital when he was about 3 or 4, but that’s been the extent of any health problems.

Although the symptoms started sporadically last June, it wasn’t until January we took him to the vet and it was determined he had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). They put him on antibiotics, but it came back about a week later. Another round of antibiotics cleared it up. They were amazed he hadn’t had one sooner. Generally, male cats get them at 3 or 4 years, not 9-1/2. They recommended we put him on a totally wet food diet. It took over two weeks of force-feeding to change his habits, and the cancellation of our Florida vacation, but he now eats wet food.

Because we were dissatisfied with the local vet (explained in a future post), we took him to another clinic where they discovered his teeth were very bad – a Maine Coon weakness. The misinformation on cats is amazing. Everything we read said if he was fed a quality dry food, the crunchiness of it will scrape his teeth clean. Not so. It also depends on food chemistry. His teeth needed a thorough cleaning and we were told at least two, maybe three would have to be removed. When they did the surgery, they discovered five were bad. We felt sorry for our boy. We would have worked harder at “brushing” his teeth if we weren’t so confident in the food doing the job for us.

We had noticed lately he was groaning sometimes when he’d stretch, but thought it was just because he was getting old. Well, 9-1/2 isn’t really old for an indoor cat, and the vet said it was likely because of tooth pain. He also thought his disinterest in playing was for the same reason. But after the UTI was cleared up, he started to play again. And now that he’s healing from the dental surgery, his vigour for play has increased another level. It’s great to have our playful cat back!

I can’t imagine life without our “big lion.” I think pets are a way of connecting with how God originally intended the world to work – animals and humans getting along. To watch his habits and pet him, to play with him, to have him draped across my lap, head hanging off one side and legs off the other, or curled up in a ball, hearing and feeling his purring, his wide variety of meows – all these things bring joy to our lives. I’m glad to have this joy in my life and, now that he’s healthy again, hope God sees fit to let us continue to care for him for many more years to come.

Until next time, love one another…

Broken Gold

2010-03-10T15:42:00.000-05:00

The price of gold is around $1,150 per ounce. When I was in my early twenties, just for fun (yeah, I’m weird) I followed some stocks on the stock market, and kept track of the price of gold. It was considered “high” at one point when it reached about $360 per ounce. It was a blip and it settled back into the low two’s again after a while.

This current high price has brought about a greater focus on the gold recovery industry. There is a commercial on TV right now that I found really doesn’t speak to my experience. They encourage the viewer to send in their “old and broken” gold jewellery, and the company will send them a cheque in exchange.

I would be curious to know how many Canadians have surplus gold jewellery just lying around, particularly in the quantity they show in the commercial. Or how many have broken gold that hasn’t been fixed. I’m sure there are some, but it sure isn’t us! I’m not one much for wearing jewellery anyway, but in looking at nice pieces over the years, we just could never afford the outlay for such decoration.

According to a Statistics Canada report on wealth published a few years ago, Canadians in our household income range were considered “wealthy.” Wealthy?!? I don’t think so! God has blessed us well, and we own our cars outright, and almost have our house paid off. We don’t have any other debt, and we have a bit of savings. But, currently, our household income does not cover our monthly expenses, even though we’ve cut back as far as we can on our spending. We’re having to dip into savings to cover those costs. And, with new taxes being implemented this year, we will be even less able to cover our expenses. We do not have enough in retirement savings. We will be the elderly poor if we continue to live in Canada.

We rarely eat out any more because of the cost, nor do we spend much on entertainment. I’d love to take in a play or concert once in a while, but at the prices they charge, it’s just not practical. We go to maybe one movie a year in the theatres. Instead, to save money, we wait until we see it on TV – the cost of cable is covered by our condo fees. So, to have surplus or broken gold lying around that we can trade for some cash is just ridiculous to us.

A Bible verse I have found encouraging during the tough times in my life has been Job 23:10b. “When He has tried me, I shall come out as gold.” For all the trying times in my life, I’ve often joked I should be 24 karat by now! The company soliciting broken gold says it can measure the purity of it and pay you accordingly. The gold God produces is precious and is never discarded. I find that comforting. The higher the karat, the more malleable to His Will. These light and momentary afflictions cannot outweigh the glory we will find in Heaven. No need to trade this gold for anything else.

Until next time, rejoice in suffering…

Own the Podium

2010-03-09T17:48:00.000-05:00

I know I’m a couple of weeks “out of current,” but thought I’d comment on the Winter Olympics anyway.

I follow the Summer Olympics. Since I’m not a fan of winter or snow or cold, the Winter Olympics, however spectacular the athletic exhibition, just is not of as much interest to me. Because they were in Vancouver this time, the TV coverage was overwhelming! I think I counted seven Canadian stations, and two American that carried the events. It was hard to avoid. So, we watched more than we intended. I had only intended to watch the speed skating because, to my mind, it is the closest to running – by far my favourite summer Olympic event.

Although I am generally a positive person and see the bright side sooner than others, I can be pessimistic too. The “Own the Podium” campaign seemed to me to just be dumb. Our Canadian athletes just have not proved themselves on the world stage to be able to win the most medals in such competitions. And with the Americans always so strong in athletic pursuits, I was pessimistic that we could win the most medals.

I was wrong (mostly)! And very happily so. We didn’t win the most medals, but we have now won more gold medals than any host country in the world! A record! And, we won more total medals than at any time in our history. And, more athletes in placed fourth and fifth than any time before. Many records were set, even if we didn’t win medals. Our athletes have done better at these Olympics than any other. I was very proud of our Canadian athletes.

What made the difference? I would suggest – money. With the “Own the Podium” program – and I don’t know a great deal about it – not only did the government spend money on our athletes and their programs, but the private sector also contributed. In the past, I have read about athletes who could not afford to train to the level they need to win because there was no financial support. If they did not have a job so they could have the time to spend totally on their training, they couldn’t afford basic living expenses. It is amazing we have done so well in previous competitions against such obstacles.

To my view and understanding, there is much wrong with the American athletic scholarship system. But, one cannot deny the benefit it has in producing athletes at a very high calibre. And what is the foundation of this system? Money.

When I was a young teen, I had a tremendous ability to run. By the age of 16, my race times for the mile were consistently 3:52. My high school teacher was extremely excited because, in that day, men had barely broken the four minute mile barrier. To get me to the Olympics, my teacher discovered I would need a manager and a trainer. There were a minimum number of hours they would have to be paid for me to qualify for the meets. I would have to run in key races throughout the season to be eligible for Olympic team consideration, and each such race had an entrance fee. Even at a bare minimum, it would have cost almost half my father’s income. Feeding the family seemed more important. My teacher talked to the heads of several athletics companies and to the government on my behalf. No one was willing to fund my training.

It was nine years later at the Pan American Games that women finally broke my time for the mile. I would have raced against Mary Decker Slaney and Zola Budd. And, I would have thoroughly beaten them until that time. And, who knows how much faster I could have run with the proper training. But without money, my records only stand on the county race sheets. It is the way the world operates, which is sad in a way, but I don’t regret how my life has turned out. God had other plans, and I am completely satisfied with His Will.

Until next time, celebrate everything that is excellent…

The Continuing Hair Experiment

2010-03-08T17:38:00.001-05:00

I thought it was about time to give an update on the hair experiment.

At the back, my hair just touches my shoulders. It’s flipping out at the bottom, which adds a bit more character than it has had in the past. Because I can’t see the back, I thought it probably looked a bit scraggly back there. We stayed overnight at a hotel in Niagara Falls last week, and there was a wrap-around mirror in the bathroom. I got a chance to see the back and it doesn’t look scraggly at all! I was surprised, and pleased.

I made another realization. I was surprised to see the shape of my head and the way the hair falls at the back is exactly like my dad’s. I know I look very much like my father, but didn’t know it included my hair. The side contours are also like my dad. His hair, however, is like wire and black, while mine is finer and softer and is dark brown – those being the major differences.

The longer hair at the front is beginning to bother me. The styling wax I mentioned in a previous post when this experiment began has done OK in keeping it out of my eyes, but not well enough. I’ve never been one to fuss with my hair, and now I’m constantly finger-combing it out of my eyes. And, there is usually one or two strands that just won’t comply. I get somewhat impatient with them.

I’m going to admit something I rarely have. When my hair was short, I almost never combed it. After my shower, I’d comb it back and let it dry, and it would fall into place. If I went outside and my hair was blown around in the wind, I’d run my fingers through, and everything would all fall back into place. Many days, I didn’t even comb it first thing in the morning – it just wasn’t necessary, and no one could tell. Now, I have to comb it several times a day. This change doesn’t really bother me – it’s just different. More fussing.

In general, this is going much better than I expected. There are still days I want to shave my head, but I think I will let it continue to grow for a while. I’ve gotten nothing but good comments about it. Maybe those who don’t like it are just being silent, but the enthusiasm with which others comment makes me think it’s a good look for me. I think I will get my hairdresser to trim the front a bit and tidy up the sides and back. But, overall, I will leave it to grow for a while yet.

Until next time, love one another…

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-03-06T16:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my 49th birthday.

What would you do if you knew your mother tried to abort you before your birth day? What if you have memories of people loving and hugging you as a child, but none of those memories include your mother? What if you have no good memories of your mother at all? What if you can remember clear, terrifying instances when she tried to kill you. What if your mother didn’t feed you – completely neglected you both physically and emotionally? How would you celebrate your birthdays?

I recall one of my brothers relating to me a conversation he had with our mother about 20 years ago. She told him she always remembered all our birthdays. This revelation made me angry. When my great aunt and uncle came to live with us to help my dad care for us, she had to ask Grandma for our birthdays so we could celebrate them because no one else remembered them. “Birthday? What is a birthday?” I still don’t do much to celebrate. If she remembers them now, why didn’t she remember them then?

For the past 10 months, I have been working through emotional issues relating to the neglect and abandonment of my mother. It has not been a happy time. There is much emotional damage starting from a very young age. I know I have more work to do, and Jesus has much work to do to heal my heart. I don’t know what form the healing will take and many times I don’t hold much hope for healing at all. However, I know He is the Creator of the universe, and that He loves me dearly, and whatever He does will be for my benefit, and according to His purposes.

I am God’s child. He adopted me as His own. I’m still working on the “God as Mother” idea, but He has always been my Father. By “God as Mother,” I do not mean in a gender-inclusive way because He clearly reveals Himself to us as our “Daddy.” But He is emotionally complete and also cares for us like a mother is supposed to as well. I need to study His Word more on this subject. Maybe those realizations will help “fill the gaping pit” in the middle of my soul.

For now, I celebrate my birthday with loving family and friends. And I enthusiastically celebrate God’s adoption. He wanted me on this earth for a reason and He foiled every attempt on my life and defended me when no one else did, and when I could not. He loves me as His treasured child. I am the apple of His eye, and He has me engraved on the palms of His hands. He can never forget me and He will always celebrate who He has made me to be. So, while I cry for the motherly affection that never was, I still turn to honour my Father in Heaven for His fatherly – and motherly – love for me.

Until next time, hug someone you love, especially your children…

More about Jazzy

2010-01-21T11:31:00.001-05:00

Sometime in December, Jazzy turned one. He no longer has the yellow tail feathers or the “pearl” feathers on his body that he had when we bought him in April. His tail feathers don’t seem to grow in very well but, overall, he’s a nice looking bird. In December, I noticed his “scream” became louder and sharper. We were told cockatiels have the quietest scream compared to conures or parrots. For me, it still isn’t quiet enough.

I have very sensitive hearing – seemed a natural fit to work in the music industry. The hubby’s family has hereditary hearing loss, and he is following that pattern. So, to him, Jazzy’s loudest calls are really not that big a deal. To me, they are painful! To be fair, his screaming is not as bad as what I have heard from parrots in the pet store. But I would still like it to be quieter or less frequent. We’re working on that, and I think it’s actually changing my behaviour to learn greater patience than changing Jazzy’s. Time will tell.

That being the only negative aspect, Jazzy is truly a delight and we’re having a great time with him. We spend so much time together and the pet store manager says he has the biggest vocabulary of any cockatiel she has known. He seems to be picking up my chatty characteristics. His vocabulary includes: hello, hello Jazz, hello Cookie, where’s Cookie cat, hello Cookie cat, Jazzy bird, Jazzy bird - not Cookie bird, Jazzy cat, Cookie bird (he gets a bit mixed up sometimes), Jaaazzy, hi, I’ll be right back, whatcha doin, and then a whole bunch of other chatter we haven’t yet identified. We get a great kick out of all his talking, especially when he says hello to the cat as he’s walking by. Yesterday, Jazzy was sitting on my leg and I said to him, “hello, Cookie.” He cocked his head and said, “Jazzy bird, not Cookie bird.” I laughed heartily. I didn’t know if he would pick up on my intentional mistake or not.

His cage is in my office and he sits in there, or on me, or walks around my desk, playing with the paper and toothpicks and various other toys I have scattered. I play music from my computer, and usually I either snap my fingers and bop to the music, or I sing along, or both. Sometimes when he has been sitting on me, I get bopping, snapping, and singing. He watched what I was doing, and about two weeks ago, he started imitating the finger snaps. He watches my arms moving up and down and he bobs his head in concert, and then chirps his imitation of a finger snap. It is hilarious! And sometimes, he’s actually in time with the music for a phrase or so. I am amazed.

Jazzy has also started imitating the microwave beeps. From some postings we have read on the internet, people claim to not be able to tell the difference. We can still tell, but it’s quite funny. And, he’s started imitating my sneezes. My sneezes are two part, with a “hic” sort of sound to start. That’s his cue to imitate the second part. Sometimes it’s a bit uncomfortable to laugh right after a sneeze. He whistles too, and we’re trying to teach him some music – so far, he hasn’t caught on to that. He does imitate sounds in two different songs I play, so over time, I’m sure his repertoire will expand.

We are enjoying our bird very much. He seems very bright, and it’s a lot of fun to teach him things. He’s affectionate and loves to have his head scratched. He’ll walk up to one of us and bow his head, indicating he wants a scratching. Sometimes he’ll approach and I’ll hold out my fingers and say “head scritch,” and he will bow his head. I’ve gotten him used to having his back petted when I first take him out of his cage, and we go beak to nose frequently too. And, at dinner time, when both the hubby and I are sitting on the couch eating, then Jazzy hops onto the edge of his food bowl and eats with his flock. When one of us is finished, so is he. It’s really quite amazing to us to bond with this little creature in these ways.

Until next time, love one another…